<p>"There is no way I could get to the airport with just an hour to check in, go through security, etc....our airport, while efficient is still fine tuning its new checkin procedures"</p>
<p>Being able to check in and make a plane an hour or less before takeoff is one of the rare advantages of having to use a small city's airport. We also get 20 minutes free parking, and max daily parking is, I think, just $10 for the parking spaces 2 mins. from the front door of the airport. :)</p>
<p>Sigh, the disadvantages are major: high flight costs, next to no direct flights, major problems missing connections when weather causes flight delays, etc. All are major reasons why it would be very hard if S decides eventually to go far away to college.</p>
<p>Having my son leave for his senior year tomorrow (and having gone to a boarding school in high school), I have experience with the "not getting ready" syndrome. (Luckily without a girl friend complicating things ...)</p>
<p>What works for me is not to nag, but to ask questions. For instance, "When do you plan on doing your laundry?" This just worked yesterday as a matter of fact. He hemmed and hawed a little and then said he thought that, actually, he should get started on it. A few days earlier I had him make a list of what he had to get done before he left and told him to think about when he would do them. I didn't tell him to do anything at any particular time. </p>
<p>Of course, YMMV. But this works for my procrastinating, somewhat stubborn son. (My daughter, on the other hand, needs to learn how to chill. She is looking up classes for spring semester and internships to apply for next summer already. She is the sort who will show up at the airport hours early, while my son will barely get there. I often think things would be easier if I could somehow average the two of them!)</p>
<p>Packing actually can go quite quickly, particularly if the student doesn't bring too much stuff.</p>
<p>I think I would look at this situation as a definite "picking your battles" issue. You only have a short time before he leaves, so why make it full of tension and argument? If it were me, I'd look after the packing as much as possible, let him spend time with the girlfriend, and send him off ready and able to start this next part of his life. Make the transition as easy as possible for him. Don't make it difficult, the only one to lose in that case, trust me, will be you. Once kids reach this age, their relationships with significant others will always take priority (in their minds) over their relationships with family members. As they get a little older, and more established in a relationship, then the family relationships open up again and are even more pleasant than they were before! If you make an issue of this now, then that future relationship may take longer to happen, or you may delay it indefinitely if the child/young adult does not feel comfortable including their significant other at family events.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, boys seem to have a more difficult time 'sharing' themselves as individuals, and as part of a couple, with their families than girls do, so you moms of boys need to make an extra effort at including the girlfriends and making them feel comfortable if you want your sons around more often. Having raised 4 Ds, I have instilled in them the importance of developing a good relationship with their boyfriends' families, especially the moms, and to make sure that the boys keep those lines of communication open. It truly does make a difference.</p>
<p>All in all, to spend the last hours at home nagging and fighting is not the way I'd want to send one of my kids off to college. The last thing to keep in mind is that about 95% of these relationships formed in high school are over by Christmas break.</p>
<p>What I find works is tellig my Ds MY schedule...ie</p>
<p>"You both have alot of stuff coming up and to do, and this is what I am available for, this is when the washing machine can be used (during the heatwave, we only used the big appliances at night), this is when I can drive you to the stores, and if you order something, you need to do it by this date...etc"</p>
<p>I also say, yeah, we can go shopping for stuff, but if you want me to take, you and spend my $$, you need to see exactly what you need, so we can be efficient...and have fun...but not have to make multiple trips</p>
<p>I have to say I'm exhausted. An awful lot of physical and emotional activity.</p>
<p>First, the suggestion to have her help pack wasn't warmly received. I don't know which of them didn't like it, but she wasn't helping with any of it. He'd only pack when she was gone.</p>
<p>He started packing Monday morning. The CDs. That took 3 hours. Then off to lunch with the GF. And hanging out all afternoon. And dinner. Then at 7, off to Staples to buy school supplies. Then an hour of packing the speakers. So now it's 9 pm and we have the CDs and speakers in boxes. We're cruisin' now. Time to call the GF again. </p>
<p>At 10 pm I told him I thought he should end the phone call and we should pack. We spent the next couple hours packing and he was crashed on the couch by 1 am. I believe all the other experienced, wiser people than I, that much of it was just avoidance. So we hit the road early Tuesday morning and things went according to plan.</p>
<p>Tonight he was upbeat about the college experience except he said that last night 'she realized I was gone' and apparently she was pretty upset. Not sure where he goes from here.</p>
<p>But I think that perhaps he's got bigger fish to fry. He already feels like his roommate doesn't like him and the roommate doesn't want to hang out with him. He called me from outside in the 'quad' and said he's trying to find others to spend time with. (Not that this was his main focus, first he went through 10 minutes about what was great today. Then it was the roommate issue and then the GF issue.) I suppose this is pretty normal?</p>
<p>So we made it over the hump. Thanks to all for your input.</p>
<p>His girlfriend is important -- especially if they've been dating for a while. Just because it's a high school relationship doesn't mean it wasn't as important to him as his relationship with you (as hard as that might be for you to grasp). 'Kids' fall in love too.</p>
<p>Apple, I hope things are settling into place with your son and his roommate, making other new friends, not missing his GF too much, etc. </p>
<p>Reading through this thread, I was glad to read that even though your son's girlfriend is of course very important to him, that he didn't compromise on the college that is (hopefully) right for him in order to stay near her. My friend's daughter is a HS sophomore and has a senior boyfriend who is only applying to the in-town school because he "can't bear the thought of leaving her." I worry that he'll regret this decision sometime this year if they break up and its too late to get into a school that he might really want to attend.</p>
<p>Sushi,
I wouldn't worry about the young man in the way that you are, because it's his decision, and whatever happens, he'll learn from it. Also, the fallout will be between him and his parents.</p>
<p>The aspect that I would worry about is his being so involved with your daughter that he's sacrificing good opportunities for her. Specifically, what concerns me is that he sounds overly dependant, and he also sounds like if she breaks up with him, he may not be able to let go.</p>
<p>"When we go on vacation, we just keep throwing stuff into the car until it is full" LOL! We tend to choose driving vacations if possible for this reason. You would think that Lance Armstrong, Venus Williams, all the Project Runway Designers and the Jersey Devils are coming on vacation with us. We go overseas every summer & are forced to be more disciplined. Usually I'm pulling stuff out of the dryer five minutes before we drive away.</p>
<p>I think Citygirls mom is dead on. Kids going away to college ARE the luckiest in the world & should show their understanding of this fact with common courtesy. Apple, thank the Good Lord that your son has escaped the clutches of that Gf and her kooky mom. Could you not pay the cellphone bill for a couple of months so he has even more seperation from her?</p>
<p>Kids today have been so pampered that they don't have to consider the feelings (or the time of) others (usually their parents). We recently went up north to visit my h's family and to participate in the "family portrait" that my m-i-l had long planned. Everyone came (many from out of town) to the photographers at the appointed time EXCEPT the one "home for the summer" college grandson who, at the last minute, decided to go out with his friends instead of showing up for the pic. Disgusting!!! He didn't care a bit about how much this hurt his grandma (my m-i-l) even tho this woman practically raised him while his single mom worked and went to school.</p>
<p>Kids today have been so pampered that they don't have to consider the feelings (or the time of) others (usually their parents). We recently went up north to visit my h's family and to participate in the "family portrait" that my m-i-l had long planned. Everyone came (many from out of town) to the photographers at the appointed time EXCEPT the one "home for the summer" college grandson who, at the last minute, decided to go out with his friends instead of showing up for the pic. Disgusting!!! He didn't care a bit about how much this hurt his grandma (my m-i-l) even tho this woman practically raised him while his single mom worked and went to school.</p>
<p>Kids today have been so pampered that they don't have to consider the feelings (or the time of) others (usually their parents). We recently went up north to visit my h's family and to participate in the "family portrait" that my m-i-l had long planned. Everyone came (many from out of town) to the photographers at the appointed time EXCEPT the one "home for the summer" college grandson who, at the last minute, decided to go out with his friends instead of showing up for the pic. Disgusting!!! He didn't care a bit about how much this hurt his grandma (my m-i-l) even tho this woman practically raised him while his single mom worked and went to school.</p>
<p>Quick update...I think my S really gets that this college thing is important for him to get to where he wants to be. He's involved in his college life, but still spending an hour and a half on the phone with GF every night. It'll be interesting to see where this ends up.</p>
<p>Just got the cellphone bill for August. Since my son has been at school he has talked at least 75 minutes a day to girlfriend. He seems to be adjusting and says that he's studying, but this seems excessive to me. We had agreed on 30 minutes a day. Do I call him on it or do I wait and see if it settles down after awhile. He is very shy--I'm sure it's easier to talk to girlfriend than other people. He's in a great place--plenty of opportunities for starting new relationships--I hate to think that's he's holed up in his room talking on the phone.</p>
<p>When I started college, I was still dating my high school boyfriend (who was a year behind me and still in high school), and I'd say we talked on the phone for 60-90 minutes each night.</p>
<p>It didn't really affect my social life or study time, but dear lord, did it affect my sleep time. :(</p>
<p>Keep tabs on the cell phone minutes. When he complains about not enough time to study, sleep, socialize, etc. remind him about the amount of time he spends (fritters?) on the phone. Cell phone time was a real issue first semester last year.</p>