<p>My girlfriend is attending a private university in MN. So far, she has accrued around $90,000 in student loan debt--with a year left (!!!)--and then grad school (!!!!!). Her family is, by no means, well-off, which is why I am dumbfounded as to how they would let her consider this school let alone attend it. Yes, she says that she "loves the school," and "it's my education" as well as "my parents support my educational decisions." </p>
<p>We haven't discussed this dilemma in detail as of yet, but apparently she has a "college fund" that is worth around $20,000. I'm not exactly sure what that "fund" consists of, but it does contain some equities and possibly bonds. Even still, however, that is fairly miniscule to what her debt will be. I also believe her dad is paying interest on the unsubsidized loans.</p>
<p>Anyways, to get to the point, I feel that her parents were completely irresponsible, first, by allowing her to attend this school, and second, allowing her to accrue this much debt. Now, my girlfriend and I have a great relationship which will most likely lead to marriage. So, lately, I have been pondering a few questions in my head; one being: is it odd, or even selfish, for me not wanting partake in paying this debt back? I feel that her parents are even more responsible in paying this debt back than my girlfriend, as they could have prevented this in the first place; however, my girlfriend feels that it is her complete obligation to pay these loans off (and I don't believe she will be getting any further aid from her parents other than the "college fund").</p>
<p>Sorry if the above appears as random babble, but I thought this site would be a great outlet/community for my concerns.</p>
<p>I'm going to have to disagree with you there. We're both very responsible with our money. I have a fairly good deal in savings (checking, CDs, money market) as well as some minor investments. She also has a decent savings and some investments as well. Other than this frickin' loan (ironically), we stay away from any unnecessary liability.</p>
<p>"I feel that her parents were completely irresponsible, first, by allowing her to attend this school, and second, allowing her to accrue this much debt. "</p>
<p>She is an adult. I feel that she's being unrealistic and irresponsible to take on so much debt that will be very hard to pay back and that also will restrict her options (such as buying a house, having a child, moving to a low-paying area, going to grad school etc.) for decades to come. </p>
<p>I also think that the stars in your eyes are causing you to be blind to how your girlfriend's decisions landed her in this predicament.</p>
<p>Unless your idea of fun is to have your life restricted by someone else's debt that could have been avoidable, she sounds like a person to keep as a girlfriend (if you aren't troubled by how she makes decisions) , but not to marry. </p>
<p>FYI: When I was young, a big reason why I didn't marry a nice guy who proposed to me was that he had a good job, but was not repaying his college loan that paid for an expensive college. He literally was ignoring the bills and they were threatening to take him to court.</p>
<p>I didn't want to marry anyone with that kind of irresponsibility about finances. We've remained friends over the 30 years since, and I've repeatedly seen him make dumb decisions when it came to finances such as paying a lot of money and taking out a loan to buy a used fancy car when he hadn't even bought a house, which would have been a good investment.</p>
<p>Theoretically, her big debt is for a greater good- a really really really good paying career. Wait to make a decision until you see how she handles graduation. Ready for that job? Claims she needs more education? Prefer the safety of being in school rather than career? Want to "put career on hold" to have babies? All of those are real ? you need real answers to.</p>
<p>Although I agree that her parents are partly to blame, I also agree with nsmom, that those <em>stars in your eyes</em> are conveniently sheidling her from adult responsibilities. Certainly creating a 100k debt is something she willingly agreed to -- at the time, did she know how she was going to pay this off? Was it an issue? I would imagine that her and her parents would formulate some sort of repayment plan in order to chip away at the large sum, but it sounds like that never happened (although the 20k "college fund" is, at least, some compensation). To answer your question, I don't think it's at all selfish for you to be thinking about the future with your girlfriend, and the financial burden it may lead to. This isn't your debt. I think the best route to take care of the situation is having a serious conversation with her, without being too critical of her situation. You need to tell her that you are worried for her own future, and maybe you both will allay future fears with a constructive plan.</p>
<p>Thanks, paul. I've already mentioned that we need to discuss this. It did stir up some emotions, as few people want to know the realities of their debt; however, I told her that it's better to worry about it now and be proactive, rather than worry about it when the possible consequences arise. </p>
<p>I do feel that she is responsible as well for this situation, but you must also realize, at 16 or 17, when kids start looking for "their school," their financial literacy is little to none. Her parents, on the other hand, have had experience with finances and--you would hope--would be much more financially wise. </p>
<p>BTW, I just caught on to that "stars in your eyes" metaphor. lol I wasn't quite sure what the heck you guys were talking about. I mean, I've heard the phrase before, but I couldn't quite catch onto it in this context. Anyways, we've been together for two years-- we're past that "stage." We have built up a great relationship on trust and understanding, however. Anyways, enough about that!</p>
<p>Seems that you two need to do a little more talking and discovering what the loans are. </p>
<p>Some of the loans are probably one of these: Stafford, Ford, Perkins loans, which are in GF name. And which she had to sign for and attend a loan "class." She should have some idea, if not then she needs to find out. </p>
<p>The remainder of student loans are probably PLUS loans.</p>
<p>Since you said that they are unsubsidized rather than private loans, the loan interest, payback, calculations, and amortization are quite different from private-traditional loans, that is until July 1, 2006.</p>
<p>Marriage is negotiable. Don't enter into it with extra baggage. Either you will hold it over her head or she over yours. Make sure it is clear and totally negotiated before you sign on.</p>
<p>My Gods! What’s wrong with you old folks? Marriage is negotiable? Please. Where are they coming from? Since when marriage has been treated like a business transaction? Why didn’t you marry an old-fart millionaire on wheelchair when you had a chance? </p>
<p>I believe the OP should marry her if he really loves her. Yes, I do realize money is important, but not as important as love. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>My post really isn't a "should I marry her or not?" question. Rather, the question is: is it odd to keep the responsibility of this loan between her and her parents if we were to get married?</p>
<p>Anyways, we talked briefly about it today, and the situation is nowhere near as bleak as I painted it out to be in my original post.</p>
<p>HeebyGeeby, remember that there are different payment plans for loans. And, that many loans have income contingent payment plans. Your future wife has room to breathe on her loans and I would not really worry about it. </p>
<p>From what I have learned about loans, it is like if you have a steady job and negotiating skills, you can work out realistic payment plans with the lender. You just have to make sure to get everything in writing and be willing to work hard. </p>
<p>In this day and age, there is no reason why anyone should have a loan go into default, unless they have super bad luck.</p>
<p>If your future wife has other outstanding debt, then as soon as she graduates and obtains employment, it would not really be far out for her to go to a lawyer and automatically seek bankruptcy protection. Many lawyers will work with folks who have debt and who desire to be able to realistically manage it without their debt taking away from their standard of living all too much. A good lawyer will work with the creditors and all of that to help you, so that way you can have a nice future.</p>
<p>Good luck heeby, it sounds like you are well aware of the situation. You make a really good point about the financial capabilities of a 16/17 year old. I'm sure you both will figure things out.</p>
<p>IF the loans are not plus loans which the parents have taken out to pay for her education, it is her debt (even the loans that her parents co-signed for on her behalf). Should she default on the loans that they have co-signed for, her parents are responsible for paying off this debt. However, if she uses this approach it will hurt her (and you once you are married) very badly in the long run because she will have wrecked her credit.</p>
<p>Student loan debt are exempt from bankrupty protection, so no matter what her financial situation is she will always have this debt until she pays it off.</p>
<p>When the 2 of you get married, her student loan debt will come into play when it comes time for you to purchase a house, co-op, condo, car or anything where they are looking at both of your credit reports. (In the event that you should get divorced, you won't be responsible for the her student loan debt because it is her debt that was incurred before the marriage).</p>
<p>My husband and I are really compatible, but the only two topics we have ever argued about were decisions about raising our kids and...you guessed it...money. The amount of debt your gf has will permeate every decision you make for years to come. Every one. Just be clear on that before you enter into marriage.</p>
<p>sybbie719, my point was that his girl friend can contact trained professionals (such as lawyers who will work with you) so she has a nice future later. Many lawyers will help people with debt learn to manage it so that their debt to income ratio is no tlike the same amount. Where I live in TN, that is basically called bankruptcy protection because the lawyer will work with all of your debts and have somone help you work out a budget so that you never have to think of bankruptcy.</p>
<p>I think that you are missing the point that what you have listed does not apply to student loans. Op is stating that his GF has 90,000 of student loans. The best she can do is try to consolidate them at a better rate. They are not included in any debt management services as you would put store credit cards, MC or visa.</p>
<p>Well sybbie I guess I have some bizzare form of metal retardation because I have been working with a lawyer on all of my debt, including my student loans. I have a feeling that I am speaking of something which maybe only applies to where I live? Or, that I am retarded.</p>