Girls are very tricky things...

College Confidential Community
1

<p>This past summer, I befriended a girl I work with at my summer job. I've known her since summer 2012 actually but we didn't really get kind of close until this year. We talked quite a bit and I enjoy her company. We can be really honest with each other, she tells me about things how she felt a bit overwhelmed away at school or goings on in her life, etc.</p>

<p>So here's the thing you may be asking: Why haven't I asked her out? Well, I've tried. I asked her early in the summer and asked her if she'd ever want to hang out and she said yes. So let's just go through all the times I tried to ask her to hang out:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>I asked her if she'd want to go see a movie. She said there was nothing she wanted to see and her parents needed her at home that particular night, but there was the chance she could be flexible, she wasn't sure. We called it off just to make this easier.</p></li>
<li><p>Our schedules just didn't match up.</p></li>
<li><p>Again, our schedules didn't match up.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>In the interim, she let me have her phone number and let me text her and she did respond. In fact, she'll always respond, even if just casual conversation starting.</p>

<ol>
<li>I asked her if she wanted to see a movie again one night. She gave me a night that she thought she would potentially be free and told me she would text me the night before to figure out what her schedule would look like. She texted me the night before and said she couldn't.</li>
</ol>

<p>At this point, I entered something of depression over this and I started realizing it seemed like she was making excuses to not want to hang out so I called her out on it and told her that I didn't want to hang out with her anymore if she was constantly cancelling. I figured she'd be ready to cut things off once I did this but instead she sincerely apologized and told me she would make a better effort to invite me when her friends are hanging out and that she'd want to meet my friends. All that good stuff, so I figure all is good to ask her to hang out again...</p>

<ol>
<li><p>She was at a party that night and would have invited me to come along but it was really limited to people she went to high school with and she wasn't close with the guy who's house it was at so she didn't want to impose.</p></li>
<li><p>She went out to dinner with a few people from work, I wasn't around. So so much for that. (other people told me they saw her there, so it was a legit excuse)</p></li>
</ol>

<p>And then she left for school. We haven't really talked since then, her birthday was recent so I sent her a gift card, she sent me a text saying how much she really appreciated it. I haven't talked to her since as I'm assuming she's busy with school and such. But I can''t help but wonder: should I keep pursuing things and continue talking to her? Maybe not as a relationship but at least as a friend? I don't understand why a girl would let me have her number, always respond and tell me honest things like that if she didn't want something resembling friendship. It's just such an odd situation.</p>

2

<p>honestly, it sounds like she just wants to be friends. she makes times for other people, but never for you (at least that’s how it sounds). but i really can’t have any good idea. i think you should just ask her whether or not she wants to be more than friends. at this point, you should be very direct about it.</p>

3

<p>She could be testing you to see if you really like her. But more likely then that she is confused. They usually are. You are supposed to just tell her what she wants. So you have to be like ok we are going to a movie and not ask her cause then she has to decide something and that’s where the problem is. And theres other thing I cant say cause they would ban me so I will just be nice about it. But I hope I never get married and its just way to much of a problem to worry about girlfriends when theres so much other cool stuff to do. I wish I could help you but you need some chicks to tell you what to do. Sorry.</p>

4

<p>I think you want confirmation of what you already know. She definitely does not want a serious relationship with you or she would be arranging her schedule to fit you in at some time. That being said, she probably does enjoy your friendship, but must have a lot of friends that keep her busy. You may want to see if you hold back and not communicate if she picks up the slack and writes/texts/calls…if not, let the friendship fade. It is VERY difficult when one person is more motivated to keep a relationship (of any kind) going and often turns out with hurt feelings. You sound like you are being very realistic with this. </p>

<p>Good luck. Find someone who appreciates you more than she appears to :o)</p>

5

<p>I think you are friendzoned</p>

6

<p>There are three options.

  1. she’s really as busy as she says
  2. she just wants to be friends and can tell that you want to be more- that is as awkward as can be for anyone and she may be avoiding you because of it
  3. she is just trying to be nice and not make you feel bad so she says that she wants to be friends. Girls don’t like telling somebody that they don’t want to be friends because then they have all of the people that that other person knows more than she knows them against her. </p>

<p>I’d like to believe that 1 is true. If not, then hopefully 2 because at least you could still be friends. 3 is just an option I added to cover all the bases- I hope that’s not what’s really going on.</p>

<p>And, like kollegekid said, girls can be wishy-washy. If you want, next time you see her you can just be like “we’re going to see a movie this weekend.” And give her the option of which day.</p>

7

<p>I would think if 3 was the case (and to an extent 2), she wouldn’t even bother responding to texts whenever I send one to her… it wouldn’t make sense to avoid a person but still respond to them or even attempt to make plans with me (as we almost did a handful of times) or when I did call her out and said I didn’t want to hang out anymore she would have said something along the lines of “Okay, you don’t want to hang out. Leave me alone.” rather than apologizing. I think it might be a combination of 1 and 2. I’m going to try and call her this week if I have time and see how it goes.</p>

8

<p>Well, I realized recently she never responded to my Facebook message because she never actually saw it! I sent her a text earlier in the afternoon so we’ll see if she actually responds.</p>

9

<p>Someone with romantic interest in you wouldn’t be putting you second. I have to agree with everyone else here.</p>

10

<p>I’d personally just let her go. She doesn’t seem interested in you more than just a friend to occasionally chat to, and if she doesn’t have time for you then you shouldn’t waste your time on her.</p>

11

<p>That sounds like it’s above and beyond the usual “hard to get” strategy… Might be time to let go. Sorry dude, I know that’s hard.</p>

12

<p>She most likely wants to keep it just as friends and is actually busy. If it didn’t work out, it’s okay! That just means you’re being saved for someone even more special in the future :)</p>

13

<p>Yeah, it’s all an odd situation. I was just texting her last week and we went back and forth quite a bit for a few days. We have larger amounts of time between responses compared to during the summer because we both are leading very distinct lives right now but we are in touch. I’m going to ask her to hang out over break but for now I at least have a friend.</p>

14

<p>Did you ever consider the fact that she may like someone else and be really confused between the two of you? Just a thought, since she sounds very fickle.
If I were in your shoes, I’d talk to her (very calmly) and very clearly tell her how you feel, and if she feels the same. Of course, she might only want to be your friend as well, but it’s not right to lead you on like that, intentionally or not. </p>

<p>PJ</p>

15

<p>It sounds like you’re being friend-zoned but she can’t be honest with you about it. You could be friends with her if you want, but the way I see it, why would you want to? I personally can’t be friends with somebody that can’t even be real with me and give me a straight up answer. She could have politely told you she didn’t want to go on a date, but just hang out as friends instead of making these excuses and flaking on you. My advice: stop texting her and move on.
“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.”
― George Washington</p>

16

<p>hey!(:
As a girl myself I can agree and say that we are often confused and not sure of what we want to do when we know that a guy has feelings for us. We try and think of all the reasons we should or we shouldnt go on a date with this person and if we were to decide we want to date the guy then we would go out of our way to fit him in our schedule, and if we do decide to remain just friends with a person unfortunately we sometimes tend to continue conversation and be friendly towards the guy because we like to have options and a security blanket of a guy because weve come to the realization that they like us enough and will be there waiting hand and foot for us if we change our mind, So my advice to you would be to move on! This girl seems like shes just leading you on incase she decides she wants to be more than just friends and is holding you as a fall back, back up option. You deserve so much better Hun! (:</p>

17

<p>OK, 6 months later… we’re still talking. She’s home on winter break for a few weeks than off to Israel after New Year’s then going right back to school from there. I only asked her to hang out once but she couldn’t (Facebook evidence is awesome). I just don’t understand her. She’s willing to put up with me for half a year, feels comfortable telling me all these things about her like how she’s having a hard time at school or the fact that she IS going to Israel (would you tell someone you didn’t give a <beep> about stuff like that?). She’ll respond to anything I send her. But getting her off that phone or away from the computer is like pulling teeth. I just don’t get it.</beep></p>

18

<p>I think you need to move on. Some people just overshare. I’m one of them (ha, just look at my posting history!). Her sharing personal stuff with you doesn’t mean she likes you. Don’t worry - the right girl WILL come along. When I started my second semester of grad school, I was 22 and sure I’d never get married. Three months later, I was engaged! We’ve been married over 27 years now.</p>

<p>If you keep trying to hang onto hopes with this girl, you might miss the signals when THE girl comes along.</p>