<p>Yikes. I think BedHead is probably the most sane male poster in this whole forum (with the possible exception of the random parent). Hence why the thread has not degenerated into the mud-slinging fest it could have so easily been at the hands of others. (Yet.) His posts make more sense than most other people's, at least...</p>
<p>Sorry, but I'm going to just ignore the last two pages...</p>
<p>
[quote]
I think this is really good advice in general, but if you are not sure what his feelings for you really are, it may be premature to bring this up. I would wait until you've gotten a clearer sense of what he is looking for.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>But that's sort of the point of bringing up your confusion over whatever's going on...if you don't know what he's thinking, then you don't really know what to think yourself.</p>
<p>I was going to use myself as an example, but I really don't feel like sharing that much detail...so yeah, I'll just say that I wish I had brought things up with him sooner. At this point I'm just as confused as I was before and stuck until he figures out what he wants...which sucks majorly, but I like him too much to give up unless things just naturally don't work out. </p>
<p>I'm just not the kind of person that can focus on more than one person at a time...and it really does seem like there's something there with us (nothing's changed since our conversation...we still talk and hang out a LOT), so like I said, I'm stuck.</p>
<p>Which is why I completely agree with the last line of your post:</p>
<p>
[quote]
But if you are falling for him, you may need to bring it up with him sooner rather than later.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>What if the guy you were attracted to wasn't interested in you at first but 3-4 months after you started takling/being good friends, he came up to you all of a sudden and said "will you be my hoe"?</p>
<p>would that freak u out?</p>
<p>Okay, lame it is; here I am again, clearly addicted. And I am going to offer advice again, though it wasn't elicited.</p>
<p>Katho11: Sorry to hear about your situation -- that is, what I can infer about it. One of the hard parts about being attracted/enfatuated/in love with someone is that you learn that what you feel is not necessarily what someone else feels. Or that they don't feel it as much. People new to the "game" tend to think, more often at least, that what they feel is what the other person feels (note this: BlahDeBlah). That's one way a heart gets broken. </p>
<p>A really ugly and very drastic and illustrative case of this in all respects was a guy I knew who didn't treat his girlfriend well, stepped out on her -- but one day he changed and really realized that he loved her and became faithful. For some bizarre reason, he thought she was right there with him through this change -- this after she had caught him basically "red-handed" cheating. Well, she wasn't right there with him and whether out of revenge, boredom, whatever, he found out later that she cheated on him profligately, including within one month of their marriage with someone who was at the wedding as his friend, and he was absolutely demolished (!). A strange story, I guess, and far afiled from your situation, but illustrating the point that a lot of projection does occur.</p>
<p>I don't have enough information about your situation to recommend what to do. Does he have a girlfriend? Is it just that he's too busy to have a girlfriend? Are you sure he feels there's something between you the way that you do? Being "not sure what he wants" can, I hate to say it, be a state of just not being that much into you for a lot of guys (except with really inexperienced ones who just may not know what to do, but it doesn't sound like that's going on from what little you said.</p>
<p>I will say: there's this inspirational poster shlocky aphorism that actually makes a lot of sense and goes something like this: "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours. If it doesn't, it never was."</p>
<p>If the only thing that is holding him back is "making up his mind," I hate to say it, but you very likely aren't going to convince him by just hanging around him, in my opinion. Unless he's super inexperienced, in which case he might be timid (and this is possible; has he had other girlfriends?). If you move on and make friends with other guys, go out with them, etc. you actually have a better chance of spurring him to realize, maybe, that he feels for you as you do for him. The problem is, in my opinion, you can't just go out and find some guy merely to use as a foil in this way -- it's transparent in my opinion, it abuses the other guy, and it would doubly backfire if he is not thus spurred.</p>
<p>As a start, you could just limit the time that you hang out with him and just not be so available. This takes some discipline; you have to have that.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Which is why I completely agree with the last line of your post:</p>
<p>Quote:
But if you are falling for him, you may need to bring it up with him sooner rather than later.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>If you're confused about someone, kind of like them, but are wondering how they are viewing things between you, but aren't falling for them, you are focused more on finding out what's go on in their mind. That's what the bulk of what that post was directed at. But if you are beginning to really fall and you aren't someone who can easily be reserved to see if things might go the direction you want, you may just need to bring it up to have a reality check. And you may need to do it faster, because if he's not anywhere close to you in terms of what he's thinking/feeling, you may need to back away quickly and cut your losses before you get in deeper.</p>
<p>MightyNick: You're a goof.</p>
<p>Yami-yugi: (still flaunting) Sauron! You can have my useless deck! I
l'll just use yours and this duel will be mine...(<em>Sauron dives into a trapdoor hidden beneath a pool table</em>) and wait a minute, where did he go?<br>
(<em>Yugi's friends bust in</em>)</p>
<p>Yugi's friends: We're here to give you support and encourage to do your best because with the power of friendship you can overcome everything!</p>
<p>Yami: What exactly is this 'power of friendship?'</p>
<p>Joey: Friendship is when a bully beats you to a bloody pulp and nonchalantly takes your lunch money and most treasured possesion but you forgive him anyway. </p>
<p>Tea: Friendship is pretending to be friends with someone you loath while you using him to flirt with someone else.</p>
<p>Tristan: Friendship is sticking together and never befrieding anyone outside of a card-games cliche that ignores you.</p>
<p>Bakura: Friendship is spending life-changing moments with someone and then utterly forgeting about him.</p>
<p>Yami: So what exactly is the use of this friendship thing again?</p>
<p>Yugi: Don't you remember? It allows us to cheat at card games. <em>Flashback of Bakura standing behind Captain America and using sign language to communicate his hand to Yugi.<br>
Kaiba: That'll be $50 bucks Yugi.</em> </p>
<p>Yami: Oh, it's like when my father forced two men to battle to the death for his own amusement, but afterwards gave the famillies financial settlement.</p>
<p>Yugi: And that's what friendship is all about. </p>
<p>Tea: Come on guys! Lets go find Sauron and force him to sing songs for us! (They all separate and get lost. Only Bakura stays and waits until everyone leaves before he enters the trapdoor.)</p>
<p>Bakura: (<em>putting on the Millenium Ring</em>) My precious...</p>
<p><em>Scene cuts to a Sauron weeping in front of a pin-up poster</em></p>
<p>Sauron: I'm sorry that I couldn't bring you back from the dead my love...whatever your name was. If I had only managed to imprison a few more souls I could have done it. Your death was so tragic...If only I had cooked that chicken...</p>
<p>Evil Bakura: Well well, it seems someone couldn't handle losing at a card game.</p>
<p>Sauron: I can't believe it! How did you know that I was hiding in the basement?</p>
<p>Evil Bakura: I heard you sobbing through the floor.</p>
<p>Sauron: Forbidden witchcraft!</p>
<p>Evil Bakura: ...Yes, now onto business. I'm here to take your most treasured possesion. </p>
<p>Sauron: (<em>pounces protectively over a stack of pin-up posters</em> You wouldn't dare disobey the 8th commandment!</p>
<p>Evil Bakura: That's just how evil I am...but relax, I'm not after your magazines. No, actually I'm here to take your secound most treasured possesion.</p>
<p>Sauron: My designer clothing?</p>
<p>Evil Bakura: No, your third most treasured possesion-</p>
<p>Sauron: My army?</p>
<p>Evil Bakura: No...Apparantly I'm after your fourth most treasured...-</p>
<p>Sauron: Not my soul?</p>
<p>Evil Bakura: No! None of those! I'm after your eye!</p>
<p>Sauron: But you can't take my eye! I only have one eye, and without it I won't be able to see. Besides, you're only born with two eyes. What good would it do you.</p>
<p>Evil Bakura: Don't you know that I'm a sadistic white-haired british boy who delights in watching powerful lords run blindly around palaces?</p>
<p>Sauron: You truely are evil.</p>
<p>Evil Bakura: Yes, and now I will fortell your fate. You will never be able to read a porno magazine again!
<em>Evil Bakura draws a stapler and creeps closer</em></p>
<p>Sauron: No...I won't let you! You can't! (<em>Sauron is cornered</em>) Stay back! <em>A grandfather clock strikes 4</em></p>
<p>Evil Bakura: Yes! It's tea time! <em>Pulls out several tea bags, thermostase, and sits down to mix tea, totally oblivious of Sauron.</em> </p>
<p>Sauron: <em>Taking the stapler from Bakura</em> Possessed British...</p>
<p><em>Sauron carefully creeps past Bakura and exits the trap door. He exits and locks the door</em></p>
<p>Sauron: That should keep him for a while...Now to escape this island and Yugi's friends...<em>he looks up and realizes Yugi's friends are around him</em></p>
<p>Yami: I've got you now Sauron! Are you prepared to grovel like a dog?</p>
<p>Sauron: What in the name of sorcery! Bakura is a reclusive loner who never tells his friends about dangers. How could you have know I was hiding here?</p>
<p>Tea: Well we all got lost and we decided to regroup here.</p>
<p>Yugi: You quit a card game and destroyed my chance to gloat and show off and stoke my ego. It's time to pay you back for the sins you have commited! <em>Yugi lifts a hand menacingly; Sauron prepares to defend himself with his stapler</em></p>
<p>To be continued or Das Ende?</p>
<p>What do you guys think about the book "He's Just Not That Into You?" Basically the author (a man) states that if a man doesn't treat you very well, breaks promises, etc. that "he's just not that into you."</p>
<p>
[quote]
MightyNick: You're a goof.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Not as much as BlahDeBlah!!</p>
<p>kjanebarnum: Haven't read the book, but have read the one paragraph synopsis, which seems to be pretty accurate. Before or at the beginning of the relationship, if a guy is not attentive that's a very bad sign.</p>
<p>Bedhead you seem like a really smart guy so if you dont mind please comment on my situation.</p>
<p>So I met a guy last semester, since then we've become really good friends, and now I've developed a crush on him. I always thought that he was rather attractive but never really felt attracted to him physically, however we started spending so much time together recently that I began to develop feelings. We end up spending a lot of time together because of mutual friends and we have a lot of interests/activities in common, and recently we have also begun to stay up really late talking about just things in general (1 on 1). I sometimes get the feeling that he might like me because he sometimes comments on my looks (nice earrings, nice haircut, etc) but he's also just a generally nice guy and perhaps just more observant than some of my other guy friends. Last semester I had a crush on his best friend, he knows about this, his friend wasnt interested and we are still all very good friends despite this. However, because of that, I am afraid to tell him how I feel because I don't want him to think that he is simply second-in-line or whatever. Also, a rejection might be really awkward because we will have to continue seeing each other at work and in classes. I know that he has rejected girls in the past because he did not think it was worth it to risk the friendship. So I guess I should expect the same response because we are very very good friends. However, this crush is kind of driving me crazy and I have tried to spend less time with him but sometimes it is simply impossible due to work/classes. I guess I would just like your opinion on the situation and perhaps some suggestions as to how to maybe figure out how he feels without actually asking.</p>
<p>Wow...I feel really weird about posting this kind of stuff on here.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Katho11: Sorry to hear about your situation -- that is, what I can infer about it. One of the hard parts about being attracted/enfatuated/in love with someone is that you learn that what you feel is not necessarily what someone else feels. Or that they don't feel it as much. People new to the "game" tend to think, more often at least, that what they feel is what the other person feels (note this: BlahDeBlah). That's one way a heart gets broken.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>It's ok...nothing to be sorry about.</p>
<p>I left out a lot of stuff, actually. I really don't want to go into too much detail, but there is one thing in particular that's preventing him from being able to date anyone at all (and no, it's not that he has a girlfriend or is inexperienced...it's quite the opposite). He's actually doing me a favor by not dragging me into the middle of that (or any other girl for that matter), and I really appreciate it. Then there are a few smaller things that would make things a bit more complicated (one being that he's graduating this year)...so basically it seems to be a lot of bad timing.</p>
<p>To explain everything else...</p>
<p>The deal isn't that I'm in love or infatuated to the point of obsession...no, no, no...it's not like that at all. It's just that he's a good friend (not the type that pretends to listen and just tells people what they want to hear) and I enjoy spending time with him. I'm also not offended or upset at all that he doesn't feel the same way now, and if nothing ever develops past friendship, I'm fine with just being friends.</p>
<p>When I say that I'm stuck, I pretty much mean that I'm just not that in to the other guys I've gotten to know (I definitely have other options) and don't think it's fair to date them just for the sake of dating someone. Especially since things with the other guy have gotten a little physical. </p>
<p>Anyway, about the hanging out stuff...he's the one that invites me over and to go eat or whatever (I don't accept every invitation)...I never invite him over or out to do stuff. He's also the one that initiates most of our conversations. I don't know, but I think that if he wasn't interested at all, he would have told me (I gave him several opportunities for an easy out) and would be very careful to make sure I know that he doesn't want anything more than friendship.</p>
<p>What is this? Loveline for college students? Please.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I guess I would just like your opinion on the situation and perhaps some suggestions as to how to maybe figure out how he feels without actually asking.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Arangatan: I don't have a lot of time, but let me hazard a quick suggestion. You're alone 1 on 1 late at night sometimes? How about a non-verbal strategy, something that is vague enough to be brushed off, but leaves the door open for him to kiss you or be affectionate? You know: if he's on your bed and you're talking fabricate a reason like look at photos to lie next to him and lean into him, place your head on his shoulder, etc. It depends on the dynamic you've had 'til now about what this should be and whether it would even work. If you have been touchy-feely, you'll have to go further to push the envelope. Use your intuition. I wouldn't worry about the leftovers or second in line thing; that's a part of life. At the right time, later, you could explain that when you began to know him well, you really saw how attractive he is. A full on declaration or query about his feelings is more definitive, but also risks the kind of rejection you are talking about. The only risk in this strategy is that he responds physically without any intention to actually be romantic; however, I see this as a small risk since you are friends and have known each other for a long time.</p>
<p>
[quote]
He's actually doing me a favor by not dragging me into the middle of that (or any other girl for that matter), and I really appreciate it.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>He seems to like you, but he's got something that's keeping him from drawing you into his problem or situation whatever it is. ??????? Then why would he deviate from that for you? And if you appreciate it, why do you want to get closer?</p>
<p>I don't have a lot of time. My response is that I don't know enough. It seems that you are stuck partly 'cause you're letting yourself be so. The other thing is if he's graduating and you're not, are you investing in something that will go away really soon (for all and intents and purposes) anyway?</p>
<p>Huh? I'm not pushing him to do anything. I respect that he has to clear that up before he'll be able to get into a new relationship (be it with me or any other girl). I'm also fine with being nothing more than friends and am not in any hurry to get closer at this point in time. </p>
<p>My main issue is that things did make it past the just friends point, so it's a little difficult to back-track into that again. Next quarter I'll be meeting a lot of new people (I changed majors last quarter) and will be a lot busier, though, so things will probably work themselves out naturally. </p>
<p>Anyway, you're right that I'm letting myself be stuck right now, but it's hard not to when there aren't any other guys in the picture that I can see myself dating...and this whole thing is very recent (we just talked about things a few days ago), so that's also a big part of it. People don't usually have on/off switches when it comes to these things, after all.</p>
<p>But yeah, I really think my posts are misrepresenting things a little. I'm pretty terrible at explaining these things...especially when it comes to explaining them to people that don't know the people involved or the complete story/history. I probably shouldn't have brought it up at all.</p>
<p>
[quote]
What is this? Loveline for college students? Please.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Yeah, sorry...that really wasn't my intentions with my first post about my issue. I was really just using it as an example to show that I could have prevented a lot of confusion had I brought things sooner.</p>
<p>Looking back on it I realize I babbled a little and that's a big reason why it turned into what it is now.</p>
<p>katho, </p>
<p>firewalker is just trying to pick a fight....look up other posts by that username, and you will see what I mean.</p>
<p>First of all, this is a guy thread. You guys should be sympathizing with me and my fellow homies. I didnt' expect girls to come up with their own problems, which are quite frankly, not a big deal.</p>
<p>What many girls fail to understand, is that if a guy LIKES you and wants you to be his gf, he will try to hang out with you as often as possible. There is no reason to be confused about that. Now, what you should do in this case, is tell him CLEARLY that you dont' want to be anything more than friends, or accept his advances. Simple as that.</p>
<p>If I guy just wants to be friends with you, he won't call you at the weirdest time of the day/night, or ask you if you just wanna hang out. There will be no 1-on-1 stuff in the bedroom either. Quite simply, when i want to be "just friends" with a girl I don't start hanging out with her after class too often, or talk to her on the phone. All we do is meet each other occasionally, exchange facebook msgs, etc. That's about it. </p>
<p>Face it girls. You CANNOT be best friends with a guy. It is just not possible.</p>
<p>Actually, I very much disagree with you MightyNick. I have called up a certain girl friend of mine at weird times of night, just asked to hang out, and talked on the phone with her with no romantic intentions, and we are simply just really good friends. I would imagine that that would be the case with many other guys and girls. They can be good friends, and I think your statement is a bit extreme, but that's just me.</p>
<p>MightNick: The title of this thread is "Girls...WTH?" Aren't you at least getting some insight into the "girl side" of the gender divide? Hehe</p>
<p>FordGT: I am glad you weighed in. Though I like it, MightyNick is pretty opinionated. I think I am somewhere between you two. I think really good friendships can happen between men and women who are platonic, but it's kind of like having a pet tiger (though not as dangerous, hehe, and in fact, can be quite savory): things can be going along placidly and warm and then suddenly, pounce, the whole desire/love/sexuality thing bursts out into view and chews into you. Or, since I am going with exotic animals, it's like the elephant in the living room: no one talks about it (sexuality and underlying desire) in a platonic male-female friendship, but in a way it's much more often than not always there. You may, for instance, have felt really clear that you and the girl were not romantic, but are you sure she didn't? Or never would? Remember: one of the most basic mistakes is to think that the other person feels the same things with the same intensity (or lack thereof) that you do.</p>
<p>so, this guy asks me to winter ball...but then the weeks after the dance, we rarely speak to each other anymore not like before (and we have classes together). so what's going on? is he just being shy? does he suddenly not like me? I'm confused with guys.</p>