<p>ha, sorry about my pathetic high school woes. I didn't notice that this was a "college life" forum, but oh well.</p>
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ha, sorry about my pathetic high school woes. I didn't notice that this was a "college life" forum, but oh well.
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<p>You would conclude that no one wants to answer your question after it's only been posted for an hour or three? Adorevintage: lighten up. Don't be so defensive about being in high school. Though I for one am pathetically drawn back to this thread (not that the thread's bad; I just should be doing different things with my time), I don't check it every hour or two.</p>
<p>To your question:</p>
<p>Hard to say for sure, but I hate to say it, he probably is not interested in being romantic. Had you ever gone out before the event? Did you guys have fun at the event? Is he awkward around you? Otherwise shy? Does he handle himself around you well, have things to talk about? If you had fun -- or not -- and you and he had an easy time talking together, I'd say he's definitely not interested. It's possible, though, if he's shy that it's only you need to carry the weight of initiating contact. But my best guess is: it's not going to go anywhere. He's distant 'cause he wants to be.</p>
<p>To zman (who sent me a private message): It seems like you are in high school. I am not sure, though. I am less confident about telling you what to do in high school. I'll just make a couple of points. First, getting set up does not mean that you are going to get to be romantic with her. Do not ask that person to set you guys up. A third person can't make that happen. You already know her; you need to make that happen. I can't decide whether to tell you to hang out with her more and see if anything develops or to move on and try to go out with other girls. Maybe the right answer is, again, both. It seems like you're pretty hung up on her; that's not good in the situation you're in, so you need to lighten up and move on. Get some other possibilities on tap, and then see what happens. It sounds like she may not think of you as anything more than friends -- esp. if she really does have a crush on someone else. If you become like a brother to her, you are very unlikely to become someone she has a crush on. Since high school life is generally lived in such a fish bowl, what I am suggesting may be tough. Put her on the back burner, don't take her off the stove. You can always move her back to the front burner. You know what I am saying?</p>
<p>katho, no offense meant here, but why is it that every time a big thread like this starts, you seem to make it about you and that one time so and so said or did so and so? You might be a sweet girl, but you're horribly self-centered. Many girls are like that...sweet as pie and self centered as hell.</p>
<p>I see what you mean, but it's hard to talk to folks I know nothing about without trying to associate them with familiar people and situations in my life.</p>
<p>Well, if that's the case, you need to try harder. Most people can make a point and carry a conversation without making it about other people offering platitudes for things that have happened in your life.</p>
<p>Yeah, I didn't mean for that part to happen at all. I just got defensive.</p>
<p>Why not grow a spine and stop depending on random people on the internet for relationship advice?</p>
<p>Why not grow a spine and stop depending on random people on the internet for relationship advice?</p>
<p>^^^Agreed. Let us rid the world of these dependent children!</p>
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Yikes. I think BedHead is probably the most sane male poster in this whole forum (with the possible exception of the random parent). Hence why the thread has not degenerated into the mud-slinging fest it could have so easily been at the hands of others. (Yet.) His posts make more sense than most other people's, at least...
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<p>Because he doesn't call you on your crap or ignore you in general...</p>
<p>No offense BedHead.</p>
<p>my god, is this post about relationships? what kind of relationships? a relationship between mushrooms and toy poodles? i thaught this thread was about my greatness and my muscular quality?</p>
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Because he doesn't call you on your crap or ignore you in general...</p>
<p>No offense BedHead.
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<p>Clearly you guys have history. But it's not my history.</p>
<p>This thread is about forming relationships? I see no point in socializing or building societies. Every man should live for himself and if you feel like slaying a man, by anarchy, you should be allowed to do it!</p>
<p>Why do some girls play hard to get? or am I getting the wrong signal...</p>
<p>For the ones who are actually interested and aren't trying to run away for real, they either don't want to look too easy/desperate so that the guy gets bored and loses interest quickly or they find the chase exciting/fun. It's really probably a mixture of both for most folks.</p>
<p>You've got to admit that it's boring if there's no challenge whatsoever, though. The problem is when there's too much of one...it just gets frustrating and old at that point.</p>
<p>I don't know. I think women set up a precedence where only the bad boys and jerks will get them. All that chase-me, coy BS stuff is just...okay, I get the point of it to an extent. I guess I see the duality of wanting to be wanted. In a biological context, it makes sense. The men chase, the women are chased. Whatever.</p>
<p>But to me I think it's more ego stroking than anything else when women make a good guy, a decent man, chase after them and kiss their ass for no reason at all. The guy does it -- which, in a way, serves him right for letting someone use his decency against him -- and the woman just gets the attention without obligating herself to appreciate it or, <em>gasp</em>, reciprocate. It's funny how in this society it's not-that-bad if a woman uses a man to do nice things for her and spend money on her, but it's terrible -- hell, beyond terrible -- if a man expects a woman to sleep with him for it. It's a double standard.</p>
<p>dony worry waht girsl think - they have penus envy</p>
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But to me I think it's more ego stroking than anything else when women make a good guy, a decent man, chase after them and kiss their ass for no reason at all. The guy does it -- which, in a way, serves him right for letting someone use his decency against him -- and the woman just gets the attention without obligating herself to appreciate it or, <em>gasp</em>, reciprocate.
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<p>A woman has a choice when a guy talks to her, flirts, is nice, whatever:</p>
<p>1) She can be some variety of neutral, cold or *****y so as to give a clear signal she is not interested.
2) She can be nice and friendly and open, without being flirty.
3) She can be flirty.
4) She can express some form of genuine interest, which may run across a whole lot of variations including coyness, niceness, etc..</p>
<p>Some variation basically covered by the above.</p>
<p>A lot of times if she is nice, a guy will take it as an expression of interest, or at least as an invitation to flirt more. This tends to be especially true the more attractive a woman is. Thus many of the more attractive women tend to learn more how to be *****es more often because they tend to get sick of the attention and they tend to want to nip it in the bud. Others live for the attention their looks give.</p>
<p>You can't blame a woman when a man misunderstands her niceness, if it isn't expressed in a flirty way.</p>
<p>Yes, welcome to the real world: there are a lot of women who will bask in the attention they get and like it and never have any intention of reciprocating to "decent" guys. If it bothers you, learn to spot it and avoid it. It's a form of narcissism. You will find that girls/women who have a bunch of male admirers doting on her, she will almost always not be genuinely interested in them, in my experience. It's a different kind of guy who "wins" her.</p>
<p>Women setting a precedent with bad boys? I've said it earlier in this post: in my experience women want a confident guy, someone who is not a lapdog, someone who is attractive to other women, and who has a personality/got it goin' on. Did somebody teach you that if you were a "decent" guy, you should get all the hot girls? Where did you learn to believe that this would be your just reward? You may indeed find a woman who is comfortable with your decency and really appreciates it, and that is great. But decency is not the stuff that makes butterflies in the stomachs of hot girls, generally.</p>
<p>Sometimes it's because "jerks" or "bad boys" don't ask for permission -- they have it goin' on and they know what they want. Too often "decent" guys are waiting for the call "come here, lapdog, you are so nice and I want to be with you." It doesn't happen. </p>
<p>Don't get me wrong. It's important to respect women in important ways and understand in certain things you certainly do need their permission. But showing confidence up front and expressing the right kind of solid interest is a much better way to get to the point where the kinds of permission you do need from a woman are given (for example, she really likes or she does want to be physical with you).</p>
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It's funny how in this society it's not-that-bad if a woman uses a man to do nice things for her and spend money on her, but it's terrible -- hell, beyond terrible -- if a man expects a woman to sleep with him for it. It's a double standard.
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<p>A whore's a whore and a john is a john. If it's that transactional and there's such an implied quid pro quo, it's not far from prostitution. If I talk to women about times when women have been "whores" with me, they will almost always absolutely understand and agree with me. Example: one time I joined a group of 5 women late into their drinks and, when the tab they had racked up came, one of them said I should pick up their drinks tab which was several hundred dollars, ostensibly because I had some kind of vague "promise" of sleeping with her or at least being in the company of her beauty. I told my friend who had brought me that her friend was an unequivocal whore and that I hated her. And while she wouldn't say he hated her friend (and that was fine), she could only try to explain that behavior away as a result of her friends' psychoses; there weren't any good excuses otherwise. No reasonable woman wouldn't agree with me in such a clear-cut situation. You could say perhaps more appropriately that this woman wasn't a whore, but a user. Only I stood up for myself and refused to be used. She must have been used to richer guys than me who would have thought nothing about throwing out that kind of money.</p>
<p>However, the rest of the situations aren't so clear-cut. An opposite example: a classmate of a friend of mine took a woman he was interested in out to dinner 2 or 3 times. Afterwards, when it didn't work out, he brought 3 receipts for dinner and asked her to pay her share. Now, I have no idea how flirty she may have been or what was said, but what the guy did was just wrong. There's no contract that says a woman's got to like you. She doesn't. It was a kind of risk he took taking her out, and presumably if she said yes 2 or 3 times, she must have had at least some thought they might work out or that she had some attraction to him. They weren't extravagant restaurants apparently. </p>
<p>And, yes, get used to the fact that whatever anybody says, it's a buzzkill to divvy up a bill. If you are aiming for romance, wanting to share a bill with a woman you take out just takes away the good feeling that may have developed. It is also very cool to run into a woman that, every so often, will also say "no, here, let me get this one." That's not different than with good friends; sometimes I get the drinks 'cause I know my friend will get the next round. Americans aren't often good at that kind of largesse.</p>
<p>Remember: fair maidens are not won by the faint of heart.<br>
Decent guys don't get the hot ones necessarily. Work on your game. Good luck.</p>
<p>If you're asking for relationship advice on a college life forum, you're ****ed by default.</p>
<p>Good posts, BedHead. Keep them coming.</p>
<p>I suppose I'll add in my two cents while I'm here. Going back to an earlier topic brought up by MightyNick I believe, I do think there's a certain way guys act when they are interested. If the guy tries to hang out with you outside of "convention" (by which I mean class, activities you share, etc.) often then it seems to me that it is likely that he has an interest in a relationship. If a guy asks you to get dinner that's not a strong indicator but if a guy asks you to the movies (alone, mind you) then that in my mind is a pretty good indicator that he is interested in a relationship. Now some might object that the guy could simply want to be friends and this could be true if the guy and the girl were already good friends. That is, if a guy were already good friends with a girl and they have known each other for a long time and hung out a lot then if he asks to catch a movie sometime that might mean nothing. However, if he's known her for a little while, talked to her a few times, shown some interest in hanging out, but not to the point where the two are good friends and very familiar with each other, and he asks her to say, the movies, then that would be a strong indicator that he wants a relationship.</p>