<p>^^
What moonchild said, plus another. If your student has a medical condition that warrants their continuing to live at home, that’s another consideration.</p>
<p>We are now waiting to see if S gets in to the college where H is on faculty, a 15 minute drive from our home. We already explained to S if he gets in and decides to go there, we will pay for him to live on/near campus, not at home. Granted, this is made easier since he’d get tuition remission thanks to H working there, but we would have done this even if he gets into the local public u and decides to go there, also within reasonable commuting distance. My H could have commuted for his UG but his parents, rightfully so, footed the cost of him living on campus. H did like the ability to go home for a more now and again when the dorm offerings were not to his taste,</p>
<p>I commuted my first two years to a community college and was miserable enough that now that I go to a university 20 minutes away I live on campus. Commuting is miserable and the time and gas money wasted driving back and forth kept me from accessing the resources I needed on campus-- because it would have meant a half hour drive both ways and paying for gas-- JUST to go to a half hour tutoring session or a one hour club meeting? Realistically, it just didn’t happen. My parents and I said it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but it was and I missed out on a lot. There were also days where, unless I wanted to add an extra hour of driving (+gas) to my day OR MORE, I had to sit around in the library for hours between classes because it was too time consuming or wasteful of gas to drive home-- or for shorter breaks, by the time I got home it was time to leave again already. I only went to school 20 minutes away but it seemed like I was constantly in the car and going back and forth.</p>
<p>The trouble with living on campus close to home is that you have to actually make your child stay there. Having had the experience I did I appreciate that I get to live here and I only go home for breaks or the occasional weekend-- my roommate goes home every weekend, and lo and behold isn’t doing very well and hasn’t made any friends. Her parents saw what was happening and now she isn’t allowed to come home every weekend, so she just stays here every third weekend instead. Like that is really going to make a difference. If you want him to have that experience and truly believe that’s what’s best for him you may have to be prepared to limit trips home.</p>
<p>“father believes its ridiculous to spend the money (even though son is getting scholarships to pay 1/2 his way)”</p>
<p>Yes, but just exactly what does that other half come to? What will your family have to do to come up with the missing half? Can living at home make a significant cut into that? </p>
<p>Your family needs to sit down together and do the math. Maybe dad is just being stingy here. Maybe he is right.</p>
<p>We have $$ set aside in a college fund for 1/4 and he will have loans for 1/4 of the expenses. He very much wants to live on campus and as an athlete - will be very involved in campus life.</p>
<p>How about your son getting a summer job and using that $$ to pay for his dorming on campus, at least freshman year? Compromise, compromise, compromise.</p>
<p>I’m with your husband completely. I commuted for 4 years to the state U about 20 min away from my parents’ home. I didn’t miss a thing. I could stay at school for evening events when needed and I made every home football game. All I missed was living in a dorm…and I certainly survived that!</p>
<p>Normally I support people wasting their hard-earned money in any way they see fit, but to take on DEBT along with the wasted money seems wrong to me.</p>
<p>I like the idea of living on campus, but not if it means taking on debt to do it. It’s not worth the annoyance of the loans later. I full campus experience can be had if the student makes an effort to spend much of his free time on campus and joining clubs/intramurals/rec center activities and attending sports events…</p>
<p>However, if the student just attends classes, leaves immediately for job or home, then he can never bond to the school.</p>
<p>So…are you saying that he has a scholarship that pays for 1/2 of his tuition, but not for any of his other expenses.</p>
<p>And, to pay for that remaining 1/2 of tuition - the parents are paying 1/2 (which is 1/4) and the student is borrowing 1/2 (the remaining 1/4). So, it looks like there is no money for room and board if the student is having to borrow for 1/4 of his tuition.</p>
<p>Books will be about $1000 a year…who is paying for that?</p>
<p>So, if R&B cost another $7-10k, whose responsibility would that be? The student should not borrow that much - especially since the student is already borrowing for 1/4 tuition and possibly book money.</p>
<p>My son lived in the dorms (and later, an off-campus apartment) at a college 40 minutes from home. His situation is a little different from some of the others described here in that commuting wouldn’t have saved him much money because he would have needed to own a car and would have driven it quite a lot, thus incurring significant expenses. While living on campus or in a nearby off-campus apartment, he managed with no car.</p>
<p>I think living at college was a good experience for him that definitely helped him to develop the independence he needed to move across the country for graduate school afterwards. For some students, college is sort of a halfway house between home/high school and adult life. Students miss out on this experience if they commute.</p>
<p>That said, I do not think that commuting to his particular university, which has a substantial commuter population, would have been a disaster. Commuting to a school where commuters are rare might be.</p>
<p>I see no particular reason to force a student who is living at a college close to home to ration his visits home, but that may be because the college my son attended was the University of Maryland at College Park, where something like half the student population lives within an hour or so of the university, and many of the students frequently go home for weekends. UMCP students seem to work out this sort of thing for themselves, and different approaches work best for different people. But perhaps if the student was attending a college where few people commute or go home for weekends, parents might want to discourage the student from spending too much time at home and getting cut off from campus life.</p>
<p>*Not to be snotty, but how do you know whether or not you missed anything?</p>
<p>You may not have missed any events, but you did miss the experience of being part of a 24-hour/day campus living experience.</p>
<p>It’s like a student living on campus saying they didn’t miss anything by not living at home. How would they know what they missed?*
,</p>
<p>I think what the poster meant was that he felt like he had a full campus experience, even tho he commuted. Actually, living on campus is no guarantee of having a full campus experience, either. And, obviously, all campuses have some events going on simultaneously, so no one can attend every single thing. Regardless of the living situation, some events will be missed.</p>
<p>That said, if the poster felt that he didn’t miss anything, he probably means that he feels that he had a full campus life…meeting friends, study groups, clubs, sports, parties, etc.</p>
<p>The main thing is that if the student wants a full campus experience, the student needs to make an effort either way…not just go home and not just hide out in his dorm after classes.</p>
<p>Just to clarify… when discussing expenses I mean total expenses, not just tuition. Son will be able to continue his job if he attends this school. Son also very much wants to live on campus. We originally had planned on him living away from home (assuming he would be going out of town). His interest in a local college came when he was selected for a scholarship and an athletic opportunity. He will probably decide on his original choice if housing continues to be an issue.</p>
<p>You mentioned that your son is an athlete and I assume he will be continuing his sport at college.</p>
<p>In that case, I really recommend living on campus. My D was an athlete and she often had to be up to practice or attend meetings at 6AM. Then off to shower, change, breakfast and class. I think with his athletic commitments the time factor of being right on campus would be better for him.</p>
<p>I’d at least let him stay freshman year. If it becomes too expensive he can return home for soph or junior year. He’ll at least have established himself on campus by then.</p>
<p>OP - do whatever it takes for your son to live on campus. My parents insisted that I go to our local university even though they had the money to send me away - my dad, in particular, had issues with letting go. I used to get so mad when I learned of dorm people who went home very single weekend! The thing that saved college for me was goiing Greek. It helped me get involved and made college more than 13th grade. I did get to live in my sorority house for a while and it helped, but it wasn’t the same as truly leaving home.</p>
<p>I am a huge fan of dorm- living when it’s financially possible. But at the same time, I think it’s important to recognize this is largely a unique America phenomenon built around particular norms. </p>
<p>Kids all over the world spend a LOT less on college, don’t move far from their families, and turn out to be just as well educated and independent by living at home while going to the college nearest them. It’s funny because we Americans are pretty unique in that, on one hand, we hover over our kids protecting them from real-life work so they can focus on their studies, and do all kinds of things for them that they could easily do on their own (so they aren’t ready for independence at 18), but then we applaud a system that has them move away at 18…yet also want them to learn independence by living in a dorm since they didn’t pick it up in their teen years! It’s rather whacky if you step outside of it and look in objectively. Kids could as easily live at home, and throughout their teen years learn how to balance a cheque book, do their own laundry, juggle classes and a part time job, and make doctor appointments. THEN be ready for real independence at 18 (if that were the issue).</p>
<p>I think dorm living is fun, great for the total social experience of college, but its hardly the only way (or even necessarily the best way) to learn independence.</p>
<p>When the OP talks to her husband, she should ask whether it would have made a difference in the development of their own family had their son lived across town and just commuted to their house for meetings and meals? The student is joining another family next year. He can either move onto campus and be a full-fledged family member, or he can drop in from time to time and wonder why everyone else seems so much more engaged and fulfilled. I wouldn’t recommend going to your hometown school in the first place, but if that’s the decision, then continuing to live at home is a potentially bad decision. If my son decides to attend our hometown university in two years, I’ll insist that he live on campus.</p>
<p>Does the athletic opportunity involve being an actual member of a college “varsity” team or a club type team?</p>
<p>My neice attended her hometown state u. and was a member of the (D1) volleyball team.
All athletes were required to live on campus the first two years (she graduated in '07 so not ancient history).
It did not matter that she could have been living with her parents just a few miles away. She still had to live in the dorm.</p>
<p>Is that a good reason for going to a particular college? I have friends whose kids are recruited athletes. I always ask them - “Would you go to the school without the sport?” A lot of students stop playing after a year or two. My H was a varsity swimmer, he lost interest after a few years. A kid could also get injured. I think a school should stand on its own merit. I don’t have a kid in sports, so take it with a grain of salt.</p>
<p>We originally had planned on him living away from home (assuming he would be going out of town). His interest in a local college came when he was selected for a scholarship and an athletic opportunity. He will probably decide on his original choice if housing continues to be an issue.</p>
<p>So, are you saying that your H is willing to pay for R&B if your son goes to school further away, but not to the nearby school? And, if that’s the case, your son may then purposely choose the further away school just to force the issue of living on campus? </p>
<p>If that’s so, your H is being unreasonably stubborn.</p>
<p>(This reminds me of the parents who will pay for any school (no matter the high cost), but won’t pay one dime of professional school if the child chooses a cheaper undergrad. Ridiculous)</p>