<p>Did you/your child live at home or on campus when attending a college close to home? There is a lot of disagreement in our house over this issue.</p>
<p>I live with my parents and commute to a local university.</p>
<p>If finance is not an issue, I highly recommend for student to live on campus even if the campus is within driving distance. College is more than just academic, it is a time for them to learn to take care of themselves, a lot of bonding among students happens while in a dorm. It is a good control place for them to become independent before they live on their own upon graduation.</p>
<p>When my older went off to college, the toughest thing for her was she had to do everything herself - make doctor’s appt, contact bursar, sign up for various activities, laundry, grocery shopping…She didn’t realize how much of a safety net we provided, and we also didn’t realize how much we did for her (oh, not to worry, I’ll drop the check off for you, I’ll mail this for you, I’ll pick up some shampoo while I am in the store). She said that she was very tense for the first few months because she was afraid she would miss something. Now, she is a pro. It is good thing because she is going to live in a big city by herself this summer.</p>
<p>I agree with oldfort. If money is not a big issue, let your student live in the dorm.</p>
<p>I went away to college and lived in the dorms for my first two years. Then I transferred to another sch. and finished college as a commuter from home. Being a commuter, I felt as if I were just going to a job and back home at the end of the day instead of being a part of a university. I didn’t make many friends because I didn’t live on campus or the nearby apts. where many students lived together. I never connected the way I did my first school where I was on campus 24/7. </p>
<p>Even though I graduated from the “commuter” school, all my good memories of college and college life are from my original university where I lived in the dorms. I cheer for school #1’s sports teams. I have sch.#1 sticker on my car. When people ask me where I went to school, I always say “university #1” but finished at “university #2”. School #2 was just a place where I earned a diploma. There is no sentimental attachment like there is to school number 1.</p>
<p>I’m sure it is possible to be a part of campus life while commuting from home but I think it is more difficult and you don’t feel you’re having the true “college experience”.</p>
<p>I lived in the dorms freshman year, but ran out of money and had to live at home the next 2. I met friends the first year who I could hang out with, spend the night with on weekends, and felt part of the school. There was a commuter student lounge where kids could hang out, but I was glad I had the first year in the dorm.</p>
<p>S lived in a dorm all four years although we live within walking distance. He loved being able to be with his roommates and other friends and had plenty of activities that took place in the evening.</p>
<p>My neighbor’s daughter commutes about 4 miles to a local Big 10 school. It’s not working out for a lot of reasons.</p>
<p>The biggest problem seems to be the campus scheduling/lifestyle issues.</p>
<p>A lot of clubs meet in the evenings. A lot of study groups meet even later, after the club meetings.</p>
<p>The parents don’t like the late hours involved. It’s not a cultural issue with regard to their daughter–it’s more an issue of dinner is always on the table at 6:30 pm, and bedtime is 10 pm, etc.</p>
<p>The daughter complains she feels like she is in advanced high school. She has to negotiate with her parents every time she wants to stay on campus/go back to campus in the evening so that she can participate in a group project or a study group, much less just go for coffee or pizza.</p>
<p>The school she attend (NU) was a reach and definitely the highest ranked school she got in to. She is not enjoying it at all.</p>
<p>The problem is with her parents. They still think of her as a child. Some parents can loosen the apron strings with the kid still living at home, these parents obviously cannot. If her commuting is due to finances, that’s unfortunate. If money is not an issue, the parents need to let go. Bedtime at 10 PM for a college freshman??? These parents have major issues.</p>
<p>This would be a good example of a student taking on some debt just so that she can leave home.</p>
<p>I am assuming that there is no valid reason for these bizarre restrictions: immaturity, bad judgement by the kid in the past etc.</p>
<p>^^^Totally agree with that. </p>
<p>My daughter has decided (I think it is final) to attend the university four miles from home. She will live in a dorm. If she wants to move to an apartment after freshman year, that will be fine with me. She will not be living at home during the school year–and if she is like my son, not during the summer either. As much as I love having her around, and am enjoying her new-found enthusiasm for cooking dinner, she will enjoy college life more if she is not at home. She needs to be more independent about daily life responsibilities, and that won’t happen if she is at home.</p>
<p>Also forgot to mention, that parking can be a problem. Schools that are located in urban areas often have a parking problem for commuter students. S2 lives in a house with 3 roommates two blocks from their big state u. (easy walk). Every day his street is lined with students’ cars because there is not enough commuter parking on campus. Many commuters resort to riding 'round and 'round nearby neighborhood blocks looking for on street parking. Their other option is to pay for a parking permit that allows them to park at the football stadium and then catch a bus to the main part of campus.
S2 says students constantly complain and sometimes miss class because of not enough parking for commuters. The university is hemmed in by the town. There are university buses that make the rounds of area apt. complexes where many students live but don’t go into subdivisions where students living at home with families are likely to live.</p>
<p>Did you/your child live at home or on campus when attending a college close to home? There is a lot of disagreement in our house over this issue.</p>
<p>What is your disagreement? Is your child going to be attending a nearby college, and you feel that it’s a waste of money to pay for room & board?</p>
<p>If so, can you compromise? Can you agree to pay for the first year while the child gets immersed in school/friendships? Can you at least pay for some of the R&B? </p>
<p>This is just my opinion, but when attending a school that is very close to home, it seems like it’s more important to live on campus the first year or so, more than the later years. During the later years, many kids move off-campus, so living at home at that point has less of an impact. </p>
<p>That said, once your child is in college, a parent has to respect their schedule…insisting on “dinner at home” or curfews is ridiculous. That just encourages a child to choose a wacky schedule which would “force the issue” of missing dinner or staying for other activities.</p>
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<p>I know two other people who have commuted to NU. Neither of them really ever “bonded” with the school. It’s unfortunate.</p>
<p>While this may not seem quite the same, when I was working on my masters degree, which I finished just a few years ago, I commuted 49 miles each way. Many of the students lived ‘on campus’, meaning the housing (not dorms) provided by the school. Yes, there was a commuter lounge, but when I was only on campus when I absolutely needed to be, so I never really took advantage of it (did take a naps on the couch a couple of times).</p>
<p>When attending the orientation session before our first week of the program, we all made introductions and were asked to share some of our thoughts as we began this new phase of our lives. I specifically remember saying I was very much looking forward to everything, except the possibility that, by not living on campus, I would feel left out. So I actually said this out loud, hoping someone would take notice. Yes, I had friends and people were friendly, but I never felt like I truly was part of my class (I’d say other commuters would say pretty much the same thing). </p>
<p>I had no other options in regards to commuting - I had two kids in school where we lived and a husband whose job was close to our home - as this was the only place I could do this program… and I’m glad I did.</p>
<p>But I always felt left out of the much of the experience of going to grad school.</p>
<p>Living on campus means she’ll do better. I know ASU and UofA required freshman to live on campus awhile back because of this- they have all the things necessary for hard work and studying on campus. Commuter students tend to do worse in comparision to the non-commuter ones, because they feel less of a connection, or don’t have access to resident-only tools.</p>
<p>The disagreement is between me and his father. I think its important to live on campus - father believes its ridiculous to spend the money (even though son is getting scholarships to pay 1/2 his way). I’m glad to see so many agree that the college experience is not just in the classroom but in growing up by moving away.</p>
<p>axcmom~
Your husband’s reluctance to having S live on campus may not be a money issue, but something else…ie…his experience with living on campus. And…if son has “earned” 1/2 of COA, then out of pocket expenses for husband is even less than if S attended another college. Maybe that can be brought into the conversation for consideration.
BTW…what does S want to do? If money were no object, would he want to live at home or on campus?
Our DD best friend was accepted to a top tier university back East. Her Dad encouraged her to apply…but…when she got accepted, he said-no way-I can’t afford to send you there, you have to go to state flagship university! The girl was crushed! he wanted her to stay at home, and commute. Mom put her foot down, and said her DD would at the very least live on campus.
axcmom-ask your S what he wants, and negotiate from there. G’Luck! APOL-a mom</p>
<p>My D attended college in town but lived all 4 years in the dorms. She needed to learn to do things for herself and to gain confidence in making her own decisions. I must say, she blossomed during her time there. She is now very independent and responsible.</p>
<p>Son is now at the same school and is also living in the dorms. I have overheard his friends ask him how he likes it and he says “I have the best of both worlds.” It’s really true. He has the “college” experience but being so close to home is nice when he needs something. No packing up and mailing stuff - I just have his dad drop it off on the way to work.</p>
<p>You really do have more opportunities to get involved in campus life when you live on campus. Certainly, if its unaffordable, then commuting will be fine. However, if you can swing it money-wise, it really is worth it.</p>
<p>I think that it is great to be able to live on campus freshman year; you make so many friends and it’s easy to join a favorite extracurricular activity or two. I’d sure recommend this if it is in any way possible.</p>
<p>To save expenses after that, moving home can be a great idea for a cost-saving measure.</p>
<p>I agree.
We know several kids who have been attending the flagship school in our city. It is a great school and they thoughtfully considered other options ( a few started at schools across the country but transferred back to Seattle)</p>
<p>Living on campus- or just off, is a good transition to living on your own- personally, while I love having my kids home for breaks, their schedules drive me nuts and if they attended a school close enough to live at home, I would suggest they live on campus ( although my D who did Americorps, did live at home during her year of service, since the hours were long ( 40+ ), I liked giving her a break by still providing meals/laundry.</p>
<p>Younger D also lived at home during her gap year ( technically- although she spends three months as a residential camp counselor summers and she spent about 20 weeks traveling through India and the U.K.)</p>
<p>I understand your husbands reasoning, but there are more costs than financial.
One friend of D’s did live at home while she attended the UW ( she also had skipped high school) and at times it was very difficult, because so many things including lab classes were scheduled at night.</p>
<p>There are some circumstances where living at home might be the better choice for a family. Other than finances, a student who wasn’t motivated in high school might choose the community college for the first couple of years because their grades don’t reflect their capabilities and the parents feel that a couple more years at home to mature would be in the student’s best interest. I’ve known some great kids, late bloomers, who went to local cc’s for the first two years, lived at home, and found a focus that inspired them to take their academics seriously and then transferred to a top university and did well.<br>
On the other hand, if your student is already focused, working hard and relatively mature, they are probably very ready for the next step of learning to live independently.</p>