My oldest daughter had a bad influencer since kindergarten, this kid had D throughout kindergarten, and in middle school. My other neighbor told me not to let my daughter play with her. Then we moved away in middle school, last I looked on FB, she’s a bartender.
Then my daughter moved to her new high school, met another bad influencer, that bad influencer was loud and obnoxious, not only that that bad influencer went to college with her, roomed with her the first year in college. But when they graduated, she made other friends, but now after 10 years of graduation, the girls are not in speaking terms anymore. I can’t even dream of this scenario in my wildest imagination , but it happened.
I don’t think the issue is too close to home. I think you and your D need to agree on ground rules which aren’t personalized (i.e. not THIS friend, any friend). Her academics come first, obeying the dorm’s security rules are critical (do you want your D seeing strangers in the bathroom every night- no? Well, the other students parents feel the same way), understanding that paying for a single is a privilege that not everyone can afford so it’s important she doesn’t abuse the privilege by using her room as a hotel.
These hometown friendships tend to fizzle out pretty quickly but I agree that jumping into college life with both feet is important early on. Maybe agree that your D will wait until homecoming weekend/Fall weekend (whatever they call it) before either coming home or having guests from home? That gives her 6 weeks or so to get acclimated…
I totally get why you’d like her to be fully available to new people at the outset when everyone is in the same boat. With that said, my observation is that over 4 years, many friendships evolve and change and many students closest friends at graduation are not the people they were hanging with freshman year. As long as no really poor choices are made with the BFF, she’s likely to be fine. And maybe even a little more savvy about whose company she keeps going forward. Sure, it’d be best if there were no BFF, but you’re all pretty much stuck with that reality now.
True, but parents can have some influence. And if you’re paying, you don’t want this “friend” to keep the daughter from having the experience you’re paying for. I think the parents can definitely talk to their D about this adult to adult.