<p>So the Boyfriend leaves this weekend for a private college 20 minutes away-small school 1500 students -very good school- D is a senior in HS and has been talking about going to the university 2 hours away BUT just recently has mentioned BFs school-I told her that it's not a good idea to go to the same college- they already spend too much time together-it will be hard but he is going to be very close= I wish that they could just be friends-I've told her that if it's meant to be it'll work out after college- they need space!! any tips???</p>
1 Like
<p>She probably should apply to both schools – and a good selection of other colleges as well. She doesn’t need to make a decision until April. By then, the relationship may have solidified (in which case being on the same campus might not be a bad thing) or ended (in which case she will probably want to be elsewhere).</p>
<p>My fiance goes to college 20 minutes away from me. When we first started seeing each other I was living at home and commuting to community college, and when I transferred I just so happened to transfer someplace that was not his school but still nearby.</p>
<p>I had the opportunity to choose his school when I transferred, I was admitted, but I chose not to. This arrangement could not have been more perfect for us. It is really hard to maintain a relationship in college. We are far enough a way that we have our own friends, our own classes, our own ECs, and our own lives, but close enough that we can still hitch a ride or take a bus out to see each other. Our involvement in each others lives is on our terms and it makes it very easy to balance all the things I want to do as a college student with my relationship. I very rarely have to worry about choosing between seeing him or going out with a friend, or worry about missing social opportunities because he can’t go. We have to be able to trust and be trustworthy, and we have no trouble balancing our relationship with college and growing up. It’s been really good for us. Maybe bringing up some of these kinds of issues might convince her that going to different schools isn’t so bad.</p>
1 Like
<p>I think many parents will tell you about “turkey drop.” Not to worry yet.</p>
<p>^^^I second the turkey drop.</p>
<p>turkey drop??? Something to do about November?</p>
<p>Many couples break up over first Thanksgiving in college, so people refer to it as the turkey drop.</p>
<p>There’s also the “Christmas Eve Heave” same concept, different holiday.</p>
<p>It was the September drop here.</p>
<p>Yes, many couples break up especially when one heads to college before the other one does.</p>
<p>My son and his GF from high school go to colleges that are about an hour away from each other. They are doing fine with that. They made it thru freshman year of college and are now sophomores. They are both serious students (she’s pre-pharm and he’s Chem E/pre-med) so they like the fact that they don’t have the daily distraction of a relationship. They’re close enough geographically that they can see each other about every 1-3 weeks.</p>
<p>You’re right…if it’s meant to be it will survive. </p>
<p>I imagine that since both will be going to college relatively close to home, that it wouldn’t be that hard to meet in the hometown every few weeks or so. Right? There’s Labor Day weekend, Fall break, T-giving, Christmas…that’s 4 times within one semester.</p>
1 Like
<p>I agree with the philosophy that if it’s meant to be …</p>
<p>I have two former students who will marry in about four weeks. They have known each other since grade school. Throughout middle school and the first year of high school, she dated his best friend. He was tragically killed in an auto accident. It took more than two years before she had another date. Turns out to be the groom-to-be. They went to prom together. She went to one school, he to another. She eventually transferred to be at his school, but grew unhappy because it did not have her major. So she transferred again. They made it through four years of college. BTW, they are two of the nicest kids that I have ever taught.</p>
1 Like
<p>I would let her apply to the boyfriend’s college as well as any others she is interested in. A lot can happen between now and April. Even if she ultimately chooses to attend the school he does, you have stated that it is a good school, so that doesn’t seem to be a concern. If she attends that school and they break up, she would have to deal with it.</p>
<p>D was a HS senior when her BF started college at a local university. He was a commuter so she still saw him all of the time. They mutually split when she went to a school several hours away, meanwhile his family moved to another state (further away from her school) and he transferred to a college there. And they ended up getting back together. He is a great guy, so I don’t really have a problem with it.</p>
<p>Agree with Marian and FallGirl. I’d let her keep it on the list, but not file a binding application (e.g., ED). The relationship will probably wind its way down over the year without intervention on your part, whereas a parental push is likely to make her dig in her heels and drag it out. The one thing I’d insist on is that she take her college search seriously and cast a good-sized net based on her academics.</p>
<p>BTW, I followed a (same-grade) boyfriend to college and dropped him that first September.</p>
<p>An easily remedied situation…</p>
<p>Stand across the street and wave a small calibre handgun around whilst shouting incoherently and glaring at the boyfriend menacingly.
Guaranteed to work every time
;)</p>
<p>
Yes.
My youngest and her boyfriend have been together since end of junior year in high school. They are both 20, still together, planning on someday getting married etc. They are in different colleges 3 hours apart.
Freshman and sophomore year she went 2 hrs away and he stayed home and went to one of the Penn States for two years. This year he is up at Penn State so this should be interesting.</p>
<p>She and I had several long talks about this during her senior year and freshman year in college. I basically kept telling her NOT to choose a college based on a boyfriend. She just should not be giving up part of herself so young. Fortunately, she had my parents for role models - both high school sweethearts. My dad went to university, my mom to nursing school a couple of hours away. They were married happily for over 50 years.
Definitely see if you can find examples of long term couples who went to different colleges yet stayed together.<br>
If you give her the attitude that they will break up anyway – then she will figure that if he is the love of her life, she should stay with him during school. This advice can work in reverse for you.</p>
1 Like
<p>My oldest started dating a girl his senior year in high school. They went to different high schools and she was a junior when they started dating. He graduated and went to a community college for one year before transferring to a four year university. He applied to only one school and that is where he went. His girlfriend applied to many schools but ended up at the same university he did. It is now 4 1/2 years later and they are still together, very happy, and are planning on getting married. You never know. This guy may just be the one, or he may not be. Either way, it is up to them to figure out.</p>
1 Like
<p>I was 16 when I graduated and followed my HS BF to the small LAC he was attending - stupid move as the LAC was not the right fit for me but I blindly would look no where else and likely sabotaged other apps. When we got to school there were times I thought about breaking up with BF but our families were so close and I just didn’t want to make waves. Either way the point was we were never meant to spend our lives together and being at the same school made it a lot harder to find the strength I needed to move on.</p>
<p>In a twist I ended up pregnant and married to same BF in my sophomore of college when we then both transferred back home. We both transferred to a local college and I found my major choices were limited due to my LAC foundation unless I wanted to spend more time completing my degree. At 18 and a mother I wanted to have a degree in hand so I took the route of one that would only take 2 years (over an extended period because I went part time) so I could make sure to have one. 3 kids and 11 years later that BF and I did split for good and in the end I wouldn’t change anything because the path brought me the amazing kids I have today and I am remarried to a wonderful man and just launched my D1 off at school this past weekend.</p>
<p>I do, and will always, wonder though how life would be different if I hadn’t followed him to that school or even if I had just broken up with him when I wanted to, but at 16 that was far bigger than I could comprehend.</p>
<p>I did though always caution D not to choose any school other than how it was the best fit for her and she didn’t have a BF that played into any decisions but I don’t think it would have changed her decision if she did, and I expect the same from D2. S is the youngest and who knows how that will be but I strongly advise picking the best school for the student and if believe that if it is meant to be it will be.</p>
<p>My daughter and her boyfriend started dating Senior year of high school. The went to different colleges 3 hours away from each other. They saw each other often during their freshman year.<br>
They recently decided to break up. D said is was a mutual decision. She and he felt it would be harder to see each other this year. They each will be involved in EC’s at their respective colleges and will have part-time job.
D said she wanted to remain friends and it was easier making the decision now then later when feelings could and probably would get hurt. D said if it is meant to be then they will get back together. Looks like it was the right decision for them.</p>
<p>I went away to college 2 years ahead of, and 5 hours away from, h.s. sweetheart. We figured if it was meant to be, it would work out. 30 years later, we are on CC trying to learn how to navigate our kids college applications.</p>
1 Like
<p>it does not make sense at the point of college application to plan one’s future around a significant other. Even if said relationship is very long lasting. </p>
<p>However, if the parties can keep up a long distance relationship for a year and are both interested in being together for the long haul, it makes sense that the relationship element of life planning be considered as a factor in decisions just as the career/education element is.</p>
<p>My gf and I had a choice of several schools to which we were both accepted, but neither of us chose any of them. We are intending on being together through college, and if we make things work during this school year, both of us see it as reasonable to plan our summers around being together, even if it complicates internship, job, or resume-building opportunities.</p>
<p>But one thing i can tell you: telling your kid who is in a relationship that he/she thinks is serious that it will be over by Thanksgiving is sure to engender much animosity, no matter how accurate the prediction is.</p>
1 Like