@narcissediaz98 20 miles is no fun either!!! However, I miss watching him play so much…(note under bad reasons to send kid to BS ;)) ), but luckily a parent has been videotaping the games and sharing with us.
Seriously, if y’all knew what a change has been made…when DS was 1, we moved to this town. The realtor was showing us around and drove by the LDS. She said that’s where you’ll want to put him when he’s ready for school. I told her…“he’ll go to public. My husband and I are both products of public schools and we turned out ok.” He ended up there for K4 until this year. I think my first conversation with DS when he brought up BS went the same way. =))
I don’t know. Although there are some kids who have a passion and drive to leave home at an early age, developmentally, as someone in the field who knows lots of kids, sees lots of kids professionally, and has studied human development extensively, no, it’s not the typical thing to have 12 -14 year olds ask to leave home. I’m always amazed at the kids from South Korea, Thailand and others who go along with their parents and very quickly have to make their own way on flights to NYC then from NYC to CT boarding schools by train.
We “sent” our two because we wanted to give them opportunities my husband and I never had, but we had the top public school in the state with the highest SAT scores. Our kids likely would have done equally well with college admission, but as parents we make the best decisions we can with the information at hand at the time.
It wasn’t like we were rich and could easily afford it. I have worked 2 jobs for almost 20 years to pay for such luxury to have the “opportunity” to be full pay parents.
Even in towns where the school system is “fine”, it may not suit your child. We have no differentiation for kids. My kiddo wants to be challenged and after many years of doing the public school route. s/he’s ready to switch to a private school that meets their needs.
I am sure others feel the same. All of the most academic kids are applying to BS. Why? Maybe others feel the same let down from school in general. Even the kids with academics that don’t really meet the top standards have applied. I think parents see the value in the experience. @buuzn03 I respect that you made the hard choice for your DS. That must’ve been really hard especially given the distance. I have the same kind of kid but we have some local options in education, sports and EC’s( not always the best but possible) and am glad we’re at least applying.
My impression is the international students (especially from Asian countries) really want the American education and prepare their kids from a young age, and since it is common there amongst the wealthy (e.g., China, Hong Kong, etc), the kids are brave on their journeys. There is also an incentive there as they may be getting out of a super competitive system in their country and/or strict parenting (the independence of BS and ability to balance school with sports and other ECs, may be refreshing to some of those kids).
Everyone has a different journey, and I know my kids is happy amongst the greater diversity that he would get in our hometown, which felt smallish to him.
You would thinking that living in CT we would have plenty of day school options for high school, but although we were fortunate to have a local K-8 school that suited my kids perfectly, there was really no public, private or parochial high school option that seemed to provide the combination of features that would give DS#1 the right environment. The very well regarded Catholic boys’ high school in our town just made me sad compared to his middle school experience and what we had seen at the BSs, and although there were options, they were nowhere close to the BS opportunity. Beyond the academic environment and sports opportunities, I am seeing through this first year that those are only a small part of what he is learning and experiencing being away at BS. From living with a roommate from CA to playing sports with kids from all over the world to being in an environment so much more diverse than our town and local area, he is exposed to so many different kinds of kids with different backgrounds, which in some cases is very eye-opening. He has to make the decision every morning to get out of bed, tie his tie, and get to class on time, not to mention managing his money, diet, laundry, shopping, and personal items. He’s navigating the social and very intense athletic environment pretty much on his own, but he has (and is learning to take advantage of) the resources available for help, from his advisor to older students. We are close enough that we seem him quite a bit (in addition to the very long breaks) but far enough that we are not dropping in unexpectedly. It’s not always easy, but it is mind boggling to see and know how he has grown just in the past several months.
Honestly, our relationship with our son has improved, if anything, and become more adult, now that our time with him is not consumed by rushing places, getting homework done, nagging, etc.
@buuzn03, I do think about you and not being able to watch your son play! (Do they stream a lot of games?) That’s been hard to give up, since it’s a huge part of our lives. DS is playing a rec sport for the winter, and it’s by far the longest we’ve gone without watching him play a sport since kindergarten. I find myself watching the streamed hockey games just for fun. Fortunately I can still be hockey Mom to DS#2.
@CTMom21 thanks, it is hard! But we do have a dad that videos games & then puts them in a private YouTube channel. So, while it isn’t live-stream, I usually get to “watch him play” within 24 hours. It’s actually also good because DH has been head coach of DS for almost 10 years…and would give the kids feedback after every shift—that’s not possible for the School coach, so DH watches the game and then gives DS constructive criticism. Opposite end of that spectrum, He yells so much at the TV I have to pause the game and tell him to take it easy. :))
DD has stopped being involved in sports (she’s not a fan of that type of competition), and that’s been a double whammy to adjust to.
I can’t agree more about the growth we see for our kids due to BS life, and in so many aspects. I never could have imagined it. Although it is hard to admit, BS has given him experiences and growth we never could.
I agree @buuzn03 that missing sports is hard. But the upside to that is that parents are less involved in the sports and the kids can just play, and coaches can coach, without (much) parental interference. When he goes on a bus to an Away game, I do watch the clock til he gets back and tells me…but he feels empowered that the (new) sport is totally his thing. I was able to catch a few games (first week of school and parents weekend), and a few were videotaped…so that helped. And on the brighter side, he is getting a great balance this year, and not burning out on club swimming year-around (and mom doesn’t have to sit thru more 4-5 hour swim meets!)
^I agree that taking crazy parents is a plus. Trust me—being coaches wife has afforded me the crazy parent experience up close and personal!!! During fall sports, I asked DS if he had heard anything about Hockey…his response was “mom, it is XC season. We are running. I will hear about hockey when XC season is over.” That’s when I realized the difference in mindset…because here, hockey is pretty much year round and everything else takes a backseat. As a bonus, when spring comes, he’s trying crew (closest body of water here is 3 hours away). Can’t wait to see what that brings!!
Our son would say that crew was one of the most important things he got from BS (certainly couldn’t row at any high school in our area), but it’s the worst spectator sport. You pick a spot along the river or on a bridge and then scream your lungs out for the few seconds it takes for your kid’s boat to glide past. That’s it. In all his BS and college rowing, I probably saw him row a total of 24 minutes, and that’s probably generous.
@ChoatieMom at least I won’t feel like I’m missing out for Spring!!! Lol. I wonder if I can talk any parents into running along the banks and videotaping the races!?!?! :))
@buuzn03: http://www.row2k.com/ is your friend. Professional photographers capture all the boats at most of the races and you can see the photos online and purchase any you want. Trust me, it takes a professional to get decent shots of rowers and boats in motion. This site does a great job.
Perhaps @PhotographerMom will chime in with more info on how to enjoy/capture the three seconds you get to see your kid in a crew race.
Looking back I do think the biggest plus of BS was diversity. Yeh, we had a Kennedy in my daughter’s class and we have celebrity kids, but it isn’t so much the networking and connections you hear about that was of most importance. I think my kids had they stayed in an affluent community around Boston, would have been ORMs in a white town with mostly spoiled kids, many which had trust funds in the millions. They definitely liked being in a cohort of kids where diversity was valued and where sharing ideas and being smart was both cool and common place.
My DD is going to be deciding between NYC day school and boarding school. She will have had her day school options in hand for about about three weeks before M10. BS was her idea a couple of years ago and then last summer she said “never mind, only day schools.” After our first day school open house she told me she had changed her mind again and wanted to look at boarding schools. We had already applied to several day schools but I changed gears and started making plans to visit boarding schools. We LOVED one of the three schools she visited. It is basically between that school and her day school choice/choices. Not many families from our K-8 apply to boarding schools so many parents don’t understand. My dd’s sleep away camp experience showed her (and us) what her “best possible self” looked like. At camp she tried so many new things, took chances, connected deeply with her friends. At home, she’s pretty comfy with her siblings and us. On the weekend she’s glad to hibernate and watch netflix. Hey, I love that too but if she lives with her friends than she can study and get dragged to the movies. Is she going to take the train to Brooklyn to hang out or get together for a project? I’m not sure she will. I think that she will engage with school, activities and friends on a whole other level at BS. The same may be true for days school but I also can see her going to school, studying and being a homebody. I would miss her terribly but if she decides that BS is what she wants, I"m going to be thrilled for her. If she chooses day school, I admit that I will be holding my breath and hoping she makes the most of it.
Hi @bsmom2004 , my NYC kids had that same dilemma.
Both ended up choosing BS and neither one regrets their choice. What wasn’t obvious to us at the time, is the capacity to maintain their day school friendships. Especially going from a K-8 like your DD, her classmates will all be moving on to new high schools. Friend groups seem more fluid and not based on the school here - you tend to socialize with kids in your grade across many different schools. So it’s pretty easy to come home for a weekend and slip back in socially. I think that my kids were worried that if they went away, they would “lose” their friends at home, and that hasn’t turned out to be the case at all.
On the negative side, don’t underestimate the loss of independence that your DD will face in boarding school. City kids take this for granted because they’re not reliant on anyone to drive them places. This has been a tough adjustment for both of my kids, and one of the main reasons why they chose schools with relatively easy access to a large town.
Hi @GMC2918 , that’s an interesting point about independence and NYC kids. Teens have so much independence in the city because of public transit and so many accessible places and activities for kids that age. I’m happy for her to enjoy that when she’s home over break and some weekends. I’ve noticed some of the older graduates of our school who are at SLAC have a hard time adjusting to college not because they’re away from home but being in a small college town and on a bucolic campus is a HUGE culture shock. My dd told me that she’s afraid that if she doesn’t leave NYC for high school that she’ll never leave. I didn’t grow up here so I can’t relate but know that New Yorkers have a rep for believing NYC is the best place to live. I admit that after having her grow up in the city, the idea of her on a beautiful campus surrounded by fields, woods and farms sounds lovely. Haha, right now she groans if we try to take her to the Whitney and the High Line. It might be nice for her to miss that stuff a little!