<p>Hey there- so we are into the first week of D2 at school. Good News: So far, she has called almost daily- I took everyone's advice and didn't call. She loves it- is joining clubs, working out, and so far her classes are exceeding expectaions. Bad News: Her roommate is severly shy. My daughter is average as far as sociablility goes. I wouldn't say she is the life of the party, but she is no wallflower. She has made some other friends with a few girls on her hall. She is frustrated that her roommate is practically a mute. She does not talk when they are in a group of people and has started to talk to my daughter a bit when they are in their room. Advice? I'm not sure she can even do more than what she is already doing. But if you have had similar stories or know the best way to bring a shy personality "out", I'd love to hear from you!</p>
<p>I don’t think your daughter should take on the responsibility of bringing her out - that could make for a LONG year. I’d suggest that your daughter be inclusive and invite her out if she wishes, but not all “shy” people need/want to be that social. It sounds like your daughter is very kind and is trying to be helpful, but it could backfire. YMMV</p>
<p>Roommates don’t have to be best friends. If they can coexist without major conflicts, it is a pretty good freshman roommate situation from our x3 experience…</p>
<p>Why is she frustrated? This woman is painfully shy, no doubt she picks up when people are frustrated by her and that does help one bit.</p>
<p>Encourage your daughter to continue to be inclusive and let her roommate move at her own pace.</p>
<p>My D had a similar situation. Nice roommate…but very immature and quiet. My D is not. So D did her best to invite her along on things…but mostly my D just hung out in the lounge on the floor of the dorm. There she met tons of kids who are to this day her best friends.
She just NEVER hung out in her room. She and the roomies survived the year…the girl was just not her type. But because of her —my D met people she may never had if she was hanging with her “best friend roommate”. I think my D would say that having that roommate probably was the best thing that happened to her her Freshman year—it forced her out to find other new friends.</p>
<p>Some people (like me) take a few days/weeks to look around and settle in before they venture out. Give it time. She may open up in a few weeks. She might be very nervous about classes and stuff and once she gets her feet under her, things may change. Don’t push!</p>
<p>Many moons ago, I knew a girl freshman year who was really quiet those first few weeks. About a month or month and one half into the fall she finally started opening up to us. You would NEVER guess that this happened if you knew her now. She and her roomies have been my friends this whole time, but wow those first few weeks were hard for her. Tell D to continue to talk to her and include her - she may open up.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t do anything about it. Your D should not feel like her rommate has to be a part of her social circle anyway. Some of the best roommate relationships are those where the roommates are friendly, but not neccessarily good friends. Tell your D to enjoy her life and her new friends, and don’t take responsibility for someone who is probably perfectly happy just as they are.</p>
<p>The girl is shy. There is nothing wrong with being shy, just that it might not be the best fit for your D. Your D should be herself and let the other girl be herself. I would think it would make the other girl uncomfortable to be pressured into more socialization than she is comfortable with. </p>
<p>Like others have said, they don’t have to be best friends, just comfortably share the room and respect each other’s feelings and property. The girl will probably open up a little more with time, when she feels more comfortable.</p>
<p>please encourage your d to relax and try to set the appropriate example yourself. if the roommate is so shy and quiet, the last thing she needs as she tries to adjust is the pressure of feeling her roommate’s frustration with her shyness. you say she is starting to talk to your d in their room – i’m having trouble understanding why your d or you feel there is a problem. </p>
<p>different students adjust to college in different ways and at different paces. it is too soon to tell what this roommate will be like long term. but regardless of what her true personality is and how it emerges over time, your d has to learn that other people aren’t there to conform to her views on how they should or shouldn’t behave. if she just accepts and respects the roommate’s personality for what it is she’ll have the best chance of things working out.</p>
<p>there are plenty of real horror stories about roommates – situations where roommates are disrespectful and make living in the same room unpleasant. that doesn’t sound like the situation here.</p>
<p>You’re right unbelievable mom. They met on FB and both discussed that they can be pretty quiet. They both wanted to meet people and thought being on a corridor style floor, they would. They were going to be in a chem free dorm because neither party, but both decided not to. I’m sure it’s more me than my daughter, but I guess I was hoping they would draw the other out. And perhaps, as other posters have suggested, it’s just a matter of time. I will report back in a few weeks, hopefully that the roomie and daugher have become friends, not just roommates:)</p>
<p>if they become friends, great – but neither you nor your d should consider it a failure if they don’t. </p>
<p>living with another person in a college dorm room isn’t easy under any circumstance and it is impossible to predict how the dynamics will play out. i knew people who were friends prior to rooming together who were no longer friends afterwards. there are people who might have never become friends if they didn’t room together and go on to be the type of life long friends that make great old roommate stories. but, there are also people who might have become friends if they hadn’t roomed together, only to have the pressure of sharing the same space prevent that from happening. </p>
<p>there is enough pressure and inherent difficulties in sharing a room without adding the pressure of expecting a close friendship to form. if it happens, great, but if it doesn’t, that’s ok also. as long as they can respect each other and get along in their shared space they’ll be ahead of a lot of other roommates.</p>