<p>How about we all get pregnant (girls haha) and go on welfare.... you know asian parents would love that... sarcasm... i can't wait until all this is over and we are actually in college away from our uptight parents lol</p>
<p>Amen...I even floated the idea of going to my state U (friends go there, etc.) to my parents, and they thought I lost my mind. I guess they did help me though, since I'm considering schools greater than 1000 miles away.</p>
<p>I had a run-in with my mom and I just need to vent, so here it is:</p>
<p>I hate having Asian parents. So I get a 3.64 this term, which, most of you will agree, that it's a great GPA when I'm at a tough competitive private school, taking 4 APs at the same time, and living with a single mother (which means a LOT of chauffeuring). Well she goes on a tirade about that I got a B- in AP Enviro. I was NEVER strong in the sciences, I NEVER liked the sciences, and neither was she. She keeps fixating on the things that I <strong><em>ed up, completely ignoring the fact that I got an A in AP Econ and English (I moved here 6 years ago...and according to my mom that's maybe a reason I didn't make AP English). OK I *</em></strong>ed up. So? The past is past. It's gone. That B- is set in stone. FOREVER. No amount of whining, bribing, harassing, blackmailing, or tirading is going to change that. So get over it and let it go. Stuff happens. Be happy I PASSED chem and physics. Be happy I MADE IT into 4 APs. Be happy that I HAVE A STRONG INTEREST. Some kids don't even have that. She didn't even PASS chem. Yet she can't get over the fact that I got a B- in chem. Science was always the reason I couldn't get straight As; what makes you think I'd do well in it now? I hate science. I suck at science. Get over it. She talks like I LIKE getting bad grades. Does she REALLY think I LIKE getting bad grades? I hate it just as much if not more than she does. It SUCKS!!! Does she think I WANT bad grades? It sort of happens. People *** up. I have this problem where I tend to drop the ball on little things. Oh well. I'm a big picture guy. So what. Seriously my mom has NEVER said a single positive thing to me since the beginning of high school. Not even a "Good job" for the things I do well. Would it kill her to say "good job" and be positive once in a while? All she does is berate me for the things I mess up, and at the same time, she tells ME to be positive, when SHE needs to be positive. I've been positive the whole time, considering I didn't commit suicide or get prescribed for prozac yet. How do I stay positive when everything I do is a negative? </p>
<p>I know some of you are going to say "wah wah wah. Get over it." Well I COULD NOT CARE LESS what she says because she has some childish vendetta about being bad at science. I'm not looking for approval from my mom, because I DON'T GIVE A FLYING **** WHAT SHE THINKS OF ME. If she thinks I'm stupid because I decided to major econ/finance and become an investment banker, so be it. I DON'T CARE. Let her think that. Goldman Sachs certainly doesn't think so. If she thinks I'm inadequate because I'll end up at NYU, so be it. I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS BECAUSE CITIGROUP AND UBS DON'T THINK SO, AND WON'T THINKS SO WHEN THEY INTERVIEW ME. I just want her to be grateful for the things I do well, not just bring up the stuff I ****ed up. I'm getting farther and farther away from my mom, which actually may be a good thing. Oh well. </p>
<p>Some parents think that condescension and destructive criticism will inspire their kids to do well. Well they're wrong. If any parents and/or future parents are reading this, I BEG you, NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER EVER EVER do this to your children. It DESTROYS them. It DESTROYS their self esteem, their soul, their confidence. It DESTROYS their ability to do anything confidently. They WILL become shy, reactive, introverted, self-conscious, impotent, pessimistic, depressed, possibly suicidal, and worst of all, BITTER. THEY WILL HATE YOU FOREVER. And when they can't get a job because they have couldn't talk confidently about their achievements during the interview, they WILL come back and blame you.</p>
<p>be lucky your parents push you to do better, it will pay off in the long run.</p>
<p>"Push"? I don't think so. Criticize, destroy? Maybe.</p>
<p>There IS a HUGE difference between CONstructive and DEstructive criticism. Namely, destructive criticism is DESTRUCTIVE to both parties.</p>
<p>Frankly I like my Asian parents. My dad might push me to study and get good grades and such, but the good part is he ends up caring about me a lot more than (I think) most parents care about their kids. On the days I pull all-nighters he'll actually stay up with me and come check on me every couple hours to make sure I haven't fallen asleep. I mean, I've even asked him not to since he's old and needs more sleep, but he insists on doing it anyway. Go figure. And he'll spend hours with my sister on the phone talking about research and evil labmates and her prospects of finding a boyfriend. (She's 24 and in grad school.)</p>
<p>Plus I always get good grades, so the "get good grades" thing generally isn't a problem nowadays (but was back when I was six and doing Algebra I at his behest). Typically I push myself much harder than he pushes me. But he does do the whole "you must get your PhD and go into academia like everyone else in your family or you will end up working at McDonalds" thing, which can get pretty annoying at times. I wish he would realize that being a professor isn't the only job in the world and there are certainly other jobs in which your co-workers end up being more honest. I've asked him several times about other jobs and he's explicitly said "I don't know, I only know professors have a great life." Which I guess is semi-typical of first-generation Asian parents, except the others think being a doctor/lawyer/etc. is the only job in the world.</p>
<p>My mom, on the other hand, is a highly Americanized party animal who rarely sees me and thought I was taking World History all of last year when I was really taking US Government. Not a typical Asian parent at all.</p>
<p>Wow, I got an e-mail an hour ago about a reply to this topic and I was like "crap, I can't believe this thread is still alive!" I remember posting here half a year ago. Anway, the last few posts have inspired me to finish telling the situation in my family.</p>
<p>When I immigrated in '95, my parents held the same views as that of many of the posters, namely, get into "their" schools or else... Oddly enough, they didn't even know what the "Ivy League" was (though they knew Havard, Yale, and Princeton). Instead, my first 4 years in the US was ALL about Stanford, Stanford, Stanford, and maybe, disappointedly, UC Berkeley, but anything lower is a disgrace. </p>
<p>So High School starts, and my parent's first words on the first day is of course, "you start you journey into Stanford today." Oddly enough, my parents had absolutely no idea how to get in college. I didn't know anything AT ALL of Extracurricular activities; sure my Freshman Grades was 5.00 out of 4.00 (a little grade inflation from the IB program), but the only thing I did out of school was my Piano which I started at the age of 6 (prompted by my parents as a "tool" for college).</p>
<p>During sophmore year, my dad had a change of heart. He began reading business philosophy books like "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" and realized that a good education does not equal fiancial freedom. Instead, he began promoting creativity, ingenuity, and wisdom through reading. He began to give me more responsibility of my own destiny. He understood my Bs in spanish because we both wanted to study Chinese (but my ghetto school did not offer). When my 31 ACT came back, he actually congradulated me. </p>
<p>Still, my EC problem is very glowing. To compentsate, I launched myself into a fervor activities that I actually want to do. I got a scholarship to a rotary camp and from that I started an Interact Club at my school. I began playing golf, I continued my piano, and began an internship and my parent's company. </p>
<p>Finally, my last step is college research. I still love Stanford, but found University of Chicago irresistable and a complete fit. The arguements over Chicago EA reminded me of the dark past, but I pulled through, and now I can't wait for my answer on Wednesday.</p>
<p>The morale of the story? Asian parents can be extremely supportive and helpful. They care very much (in a positive way) of our studies, however, they need to realize the errors of their old ways. We need to remind them that this is not China, Japan, Korea, etc. and that a balance of old and new philosophy works best.</p>
<p>futurenyustudent, I found your post poignant. I'm guessing your mom is kind of "stuck" when it comes to parenting. . . she doesn't know how to do it any other way and she's anxious that somehow you might not succeed. Her anxiety comes through in your message. You eloquently describe the effects of that kind of parenting on you (and on others who receive that parenting, too, I'm guessing). I wish you could share all or part of that with your mom. Barring that, do you have any other adult role models that are more nurturing?</p>
<p>I wish my parents would push me, maybe not as hard as you guys, but they could care less. They don't even care if I go to college or not. I am sure I would do a lot better in school if I were pushed.</p>
<p>my parents are kind of in the middle ...they dont fit the typical asian stereotype(ivy or bust) but they are always reminding me of how hard they worked to come up in life, and that i have a lot of opprtunities that they didnt have....and that i should do my best and stuff, and whenever i screw up they dont ground me or anything...they just act all disappointed and say"its up to you..its your life.." AHH....jeez...im not complaining cuz i know i have it good compared to a lot of you, but its giving me too much responsibility...im definitely not that mature :D</p>
<p>this is actually really funny because i'm writing an essay on the difference between chinese and american culture and i'm stuck on the 2nd topic of my essay which is education. does anyone have any ideas how i should break it down? 1) studying time 2) expectations...anything else?</p>
<p>i, myself, am chinese-taiwanese american and i have pretty sterotypical asian parents..but not so in the ivy league area. mom had expectations of me going to yale..but it looks like marquette or simmons from here...or ithaca..dont know for sure yet. awaiting my acceptances/rejections. they just want us to succeed. i know we may hate them or be irritated with them right now..but just today, i think i took a huge step in maturity and realized that i am not appreciative enough of them. if i didnt realize it by now, i probably would've ended up in a community college if for not their hard work in making me work hard even though i'm not sterotypically asian.</p>
<p>oh and i understand some of the people here who do what their parents say (career wise) or they wont pay for the tuition. i got into a fight with my parents two days ago about it..wanting to be a linguist then going in as a international public relations. but they said it made no money and if i did that they wouldn't pay for college...so they said physical therapy..you gotta make a living for youself first. and even though i dont excel in sciences, i'm going to try to do well and become what they said. sure its better to follow your dreams, but coming down to the reality of it, i gotta feed and clothe myself first.</p>
<p>i dont mind being a PTist anyways.</p>
<p>I have a friend who's entirely Asian. She's pretty smart, but she does deal with a lot of crap at home. Her parents tell her that if she doesn't get admitted to Harvard, they won't help her pay college costs and anything else regarding finances later in life. They yell at her when she goes to sleep at ten o' clock at night because they want her to "study more." If she makes anything below a 100, her parents yell at her. Poor, poor girl.</p>
<p>^And I thought it was terrifying to wake up to my dad looming over me and hissing, "Why're you sleeping? Why aren't you studying for the SATs?" I'd die of frustration if I had to deal with that all the time. Not to mention the fact that the harder your classes, the more impossible it is to always achieve 100s (and I'm sure your friend's taking the max number of APs or whatever classes available).</p>
<p>I think this kind of pushing experienced by Asian and non-Asian students alike (although I'd imagine this to be more prevalent among Asians) is the kind that you struggle through in your teenage years and then put behind you while saying to yourself that you'd never do the same to your kids.</p>
<p>Because in the end, I know that I'll be grateful.</p>
<p>Here's a basic rundown for me:</p>
<p>-Bed by 10:00. If I'm studying or doing homework, I can stay up as much as I need to. But if they find me on the computer or something, I have to go to sleep.</p>
<p>-All A's no matter what. If I get a B, they schedule a parent conference. I got a couple B's last term and they were pretty angry. But since the subjects were unimportant to them, they weren't furious. "Important subjects" include Math, Science, History and English. </p>
<p>-If I get any B's next term, they claim that they'll ship me off to India. I don't take them seriously there.</p>
<p>-Though they put a lot of pressure on me, I kinda like it. Most parents I know don't give a **** about their kids school performance.</p>
<p>-I get rewarded for all A's. Next term, they'll pay $1500 for a Macbook Pro.</p>
<p>-I can't get a job. They want me to focus on school and stay away from money for now. If I need money, they'll give it to me.</p>
<p>i hate "asian parents.' and.......i'm.....white.</p>
<p>Hell, these stories are nothing compared to a guy I know.</p>
<p>He is smart, but his dad beats him so bad that he can't even get up in the morning. The intense emotional stress caused him to do a lot worse in school. </p>
<p>It is horrible. </p>
<p>Freedom is the best. America is all about freedom, and kids should not be exempt.</p>
<p>Um, call the cops on him.</p>
<p>
[quote]
-All A's no matter what. If I get a B, they schedule a parent conference.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Tell your parents that overdosing on parent conferences + "grade-grubbing" => teachers not liking you => bad letters of recommendation.</p>
<p>I'm Asian and my parents just take it for granted that I will end up in an Ivy League School. :/ The problem is, what if I don't make it into one? I think they would be shattered, haha.</p>