Grade another one of my essays!

<p>Prompt: Is there any value for people to belong only to a group or groups with which they have something in common?</p>

<p>Essay: </p>

<p>Ever since man created civilization, he has lived in a group with his peers, a group which seeks to improve life for all its members. This form of societal and communal living has held true for thousands of years. However, there must be a healthy amount of individualism within society as well. As shown by the failures of the Soviet Union (USSR) and by the novel 1984 by George Orwell, there is no value when people only belong to groups with which they have something in common.</p>

<p>Consider the USSR, a group of Eastern European nations that grew out of the 1917 Bolshevik Revolution. This Revolution was steeped in the ideas of Communism, in which every man, woman, and child was the same in all facets of life. The only source of power, leadership, and innovation was the powerful Kremlin government in Moscow. Communism spread from Russia to Eastern Europe through the two World Wars, primarily through the travails of extemporizer Lenin and coercer Stalin. They took Eastern Europe under their Russian bear grasp and forced them into the Communistic USSR by the end of WWII. However, the war left all of Europe in ruins. After the USSR declared that they would shut themselves off from the burgeoning West, a disparity between West Europe and East Europe became more and more prevalent. With Marshall Plan aid and a slew of innovating, hard-working, and diverse intellectuals, the West quickly rehabilitated its cities, its economics, and its people. However, with all persons in an “equal” group in the East, this supposedly “valuable” equality led to the quick deterioration of the USSR. This group where everybody had everything in common was a detriment to Eastern Europe and was undoubtedly of no value at all.</p>

<p>In addition, George Orwell’s novel 1984 depicts a socialistic society led by iron-fisted, Stalin-like Big Brother. Like the leaders of the USSR, Big Brother quashed all individual liberty and thought, so much so that the disillusioned people of Oceania hailed Big Brother’s “achievements” every waking moment of their pathetic lives. The supposedly “helpful spirit” of “togetherness” in 1984’s terrible society was Orwell’s warning to Britain about the dangers of allowing Communistic rule after World War Two. The protagonist of 1984, Winston Smith, attempts a coup to take down Big Brother. Unfortunately, he fails and is brainwashed and given a sinecure until his death. Not only are groups with similar beliefs devoid of value, they threaten the life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness of the people tricked into seeing value that was, at best, epheremal. </p>

<p>There is a reason that the capitalistic and individualistic United States won the Cold War over the Communistic, socialistic USSR. A society in which the individual flourishes while aided by a group is much more valuable than one that does the exact opposite. In fact, if one of these groups grew large enough, like an entire society in 1984, the lives of everybody on Earth would be in grave danger. There is simply no value whatsoever for people to belong only to groups with which they have something in common.</p>

<p>Come on! Anybody?</p>

<p>I’d say 12 since that’s what I got for my essay and it was no where near as good.
My only suggestion is to use even more different examples as the two you gave are slightly similar.</p>

<p>I think your essay is also 11-12-worthy - your sentence variation, vocab use, etc. are all good and your thesis is clearly stated - however, as the above poster said, you’re examples seem a little to Cold War History heavy. Your examples should be a bit more varied - I like the George Orwell, but it still seemed too history heavy. I got a 12 and many people I know who have 12’s all used different examples, like history, music, personal life, whatever. Good luck on the real SAT!</p>