Grade mine? I'll grade yours!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Here is my first practice essay I've written. I hope it's bad since then I can learn from it. I got a 10 on the SAT I took last year. But whatever, that prompt was really easy.. (well for me)</p>

<p>Here it is:</p>

<p>Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?</p>

<p>Nowadays, nothing is private. However, some events are meant to be private. For example, when your friend tells you a secret. How about a surprise party? A classic novel, 1984, demonstrates how privacy is important.</p>

<p>There is nothing surprising than finding out beforehand. My friend's birthday party is coming up this saturday and I am planning a party for her. My friend, Andrea, comes from an Asian family. In Asia, most people don't take a child's birthday with much "surprise". Coming from an Asian family myself, my parents usually tell me beforehand and ask me what I want. One of the main goals in this upcoming party is to keep it a secret. Likewise, when your friend tells you a secret, in general, no one should tell or spread it on Facebook, twitter, or any other social networking site. Parents for generations always lecture us about trust. And isn't telling a secret is like letting go how trustworthy you are? </p>

<p>In George Orwell's 1984, Winston Churchhill is in the Socialist country of Oceania. In this country, everyone is being watched. As the novel progresses, more horrific events appear. This includes changing the language, changing the facts, and changing the opinions, all helping and revised by the government. The main character is scared and angry with the political officers. There is no secrecy in the country. One, the telescreen is always watching. Or if that doesn't work, helicopters are hovering around watching every movement. At the end, Mr. Chruchhill was sent to the government because the "Thought Police" accused him of breaking the law. Like stated above, you can't argue with them; They are always correct. </p>

<p>Everyone needs privacy as shown in life and in 1984. In some cases, indeed we need to express our impulses and inclinations. More people should keep things private.</p>

2

<p>* " In George Orwell’s 1984, Winston Churchhill … " *</p>

<p>The protagonist in the novel 1984 was named Winston SMITH</p>

<p>Sir Winston Churchill was a British statesman, twice Prime Minister of the U.K. including during WWII</p>

<p>BTW , in addition to getting the name wrong, you misspelled ‘Churchill’ both times you used it … FAIL !!</p>

3

<p>Wait. …^ it doesnt matter if you get names wrong or facts wrong right? I mean you could make up anything on the essay and they won’t deduct right?</p>

4

<p>6, there were a lot of glaring errors in your grammar and you didn’t provide a lot of examples of why things should be more private.</p>

<p>If you are going to use facts they have to be correct, it defeats the point if they aren’t true. This goes double for well known books and events. Facts about your personal experience can be changed to help prove your point. The graders aren’t going to know if you actually had a friend who did whatever.</p>

5

<p>I don’t think SAT people care about the names tho.</p>

<p>But this essay is terrible. I’d give it a 8. Just cuz it’s effective. 6 is like saying " You wrote a piece of crap. Basically".</p>

<p>And that’s just pretty harsh.</p>

6

<p>OKay a more deatiled post than what I posted before:</p>

<p>@bandgeek1</p>

<p>The SAT isn’t going to go through each essay looking for facts to be factual. And 6 is super harsh. In fact the scoring guide says a “3” is basically you failed the essay.</p>

<p>For this essay, I’ll give it a 8. Why? Because even though this essay sucks (sorry OP), it has everything found on the scoring guide. He develops a pov, he lists adequate examples, uses pretty much some vocab, some sentence structure.</p>

<p>And grammar? Well 25 minutes? What did you want a final draft for a english report?</p>

<p>@Taco:
Write longer, more detailed examples. Your examples are short and BLAH. LONGER. Go deeper into the story. And longer conclusion.</p>

7

<p>Hey Dork, calm the ■■■ down, 6 essays aren’t “you wrote crap”.</p>

<p>I would probably give you a 6-7, your first example was horribly used, had barely any relation to your non-existent thesis. I strongly recommenced you to read “How to write a 12 essay in 10 days”</p>

8

<p>thanks for the tips (:</p>

<p>So how should I write it better?</p>

9

<p>@Dorkyelmo if you’ve actually read through the essay grading portion of any SAT prep book you would know a 6 is “developing mastery” which means it’s not terrible ;P.
There are a lot of glaring grammar errors. A time based grammar error would be a missed comma here and there, not fragments and misuse of semicolons and incorrect capitalization (this one could be time, but I’m a stickler for this in essays).</p>

<p>Ways to improve:</p>

<p>Write a clear thesis and use it in your intro and conclusion. You never clearly said “People should make more of an effort to keep things more private” or anything similar in your intro. You took a passive stand and said some things in the beginning and then ended with people should…, go all in from the start. There are ways to argue both and still have a great essay, but it is safer and easier to just take a side.</p>

<p>Use that long quote they give you, it’s a nice way to begin or end (or both) your essay a lot of the time</p>

<p>Think of 3 example to support your answer. Give each example its own paragraph and use transitions in between them. Think as you write what you want to go next, connect your points together as best as you can. A good way to think of examples is just to use what you know well. Make sure your examples are relevant to the QUESTION (1984 could have been a very good example if executed differently). The prompt is usually much more broad than the question, the prompt will have a lot of information that can steer you off in the wrong direction.</p>

<p>Don’t ever use the phrase “Like stated above” or anything similar. It doesn’t look or sound nice in essays.</p>

<p>Have a stronger conclusion and intro, it doesn’t need to be longer it just needs more in it.</p>

<p>Overall it wasn’t terrible which is I gave you a 6 (: If you want anymore tips or a breakdown of this essay feel free to PM me.</p>

10

<p>Sorry bandgeek1.
Dunno what happened. I just feel that a 6 is a harsh score. It just had to be adequate right?</p>

<p>But whatever. We all agree this essay needs to improve</p>

11

<p>It’s all good; 6 would be an average essay, a lot of people however consider average below average (especially on CC lol). This isn’t too bad of an essay, and I found the prompt very difficult when I wrote mine.</p>

12

<p>Are you a senior? ^</p>

13

<p>I Smh’d at the introduction.</p>

14

<p>Nope, junior and I’m starting to study as of this year. I don’t have an amazing SAT score, but I can write some pretty bangin’ essays.</p>