Grade my ACT Essay (Taking the ACT tomorrow, 2nd time ever writing the essay)

Test Preparation ACT Preparation
1

<p>*I'm just aiming for an 8.. This is the 2nd time I've written an ACT essay and I'm taking the ACT tomorrow. I just want some quick pointers on what to write tomorrow.
And can someone just tell me what they would score it out of 12. Thanks!</p>

<p>PROMPT: Rather than concentrating on doing one thing at a time, high school students often divide their attention among several activities, such as watching television and using the computer while doing homework. Educators debate whether performing several tasks at the same time is too distracting when students are doing homework. Some educators believe multitasking is a bad practice when doing homework because they think dividing attention between multiple tasks negatively affects the quality of a students’ work. Other educators do not believe multitasking is a bad practice when doing homework because they think students accomplish more during their limited free time as a result of multitasking. In your opinion is it too distracting for high school students to divide their attention among several activities when they are doing homework?
Educators and parents are becoming increasingly concerned with students who multi-task when doing their homework. Some educators believe that multitasking derails students from their main foal of completing their homework. Other educators believe that multitasking allows for students to perform other beneficial recreational activities during free time. </p>

<p>ESSAY:
Is it too distracting for drivers to text and drive? Essentially speaking, this is quite similar to multitasking while doing homework. What educators are saying is that if you do multiple tasks at a time, you will have more spare time later. So if this is true, if you text and drive, you'll have some more free time later. This is true, but it can also lead to death, as texting and driving is extremely dangerous. Although doing multiple tasks at one time when regarding to television and homework is not as dangerous, it still is the same concept.</p>

<pre><code> First of all, it is impossible to multitask. According to many experiments and scientific findings, it is shown that no human being can multi task. For example, have you ever tried listening to music while reading? Chances are you have. When you perform these two tasks at one time, in a sense, only one of those tasks has your attention. You are either listening and taking in the lyrics or tone of the music or you are focused in on the book you're reading.

Furthermore, if you are doing your homework while listening to music and watching television, chances are you are not putting your full attention into your homework. This can lead to not understanding the concept involved in the homework, which can lead to mediocre test scores. Opponents who are trying to combat this argument might say that music helps the student focus and accomplish the task at hand more efficiently. However, this is not always the case as the person could be listening to upbeat music that distracts the person from doing the current task. Not all music can help one focus more as shown in a 1996 study done in Minnesota. In this study, there were over two thousand teenagers experimented on. These two thousand teenagers got put in subgroups, where they would be listening to a certain genre of music, while doing math problems. Everyone was assigned the same number of math problems. The results showed that the people who were listening to music without lyrics did much better than the people listening to music with lyrics.

In conclusion, it is too distracting for high school teenagers to divide their attention among several activities when they are doing homework. "When any person is multitasking, the effect isn't going to be that pretty," Charles Newman, a psychologist professor at University of Virginia once said. Although, people will continue to multitask now and in the future, it should be known that the effects of multitasking are not going to be nice.
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2

<p>Id give this a 6. There is a strong correlation between length and structure to a higher score. To get an 8 (ive done this a few times) all you need is a intro with thesis, 3 supporting paragraphs and conclusion. You can make up anything on the essays, as long u can support it. TLDR: too short of an essay</p>

3

<p>This essay will not give you an 8 IMHO. For one, it’s simply too short. Your ACT essay should follow the five paragraph rule (Introduction/thesis, three body, and conclusion). Your transitions are elementary, your vocabulary is too simplistic, and your claims are mostly unsubstantiated.</p>

<p>It’s impossible to multitask? Not in the context of the prompt. You also said that scientific findings prove that statement. Really? Which ones? Which university or institution found that multitasking was impossible? Never make sweeping claims unless you have specific evidence to back it up. </p>

<p>“This is true, but it can also lead to death, as texting and driving is extremely dangerous.” According to who? Just because something seems obvious, doesn’t mean you don’t need to back it up.</p>

<p>"Furthermore, if you are doing your homework while listening to music and watching television, chances are you are not putting your full attention into your homework. " This sentence is really not necessary. It is a repetition of what you have previously said and does not have any supporting evidence. Furthermore, it is sort of an obvious statement. The prompt is asking you to argue the effects of multitasking, not decide whether your attention is divided.</p>

<p>“Chances are you have…” You said this phrase twice. You need sentence variety.
“In conclusion…” Never start a conclusion with “in conclusion” unless you are extremely pressed for time and have no other choice. Also, 3/4 of your paragraphs start with the a comma sentence. </p>

<p>“Although, people will continue to multitask now and in the future, it should be known that the effects of multitasking are not going to be nice.” You repeated Charles Newman and used a far too simplistic concluding sentence. “Nice” effects is a subjective statement.</p>

<p>Overall, this essay isn’t bad. You did manage to add a quote and at least one scientific study. But, you need more details and more evidence. You have some grammatical errors and some issues with sentence fluency (some parts could be smoother).</p>

<p>I’d give it a 5-6/12.</p>

4

<p>You can use scientific knowledge as quotes but make sure that they make sense. You can even make up statistics. If u dont want to use statistics use personal experiences, there was a prompt about school and i ended up writing about random things that somehow pertained to me. I got an easy 8</p>

5

<p>Damn… So basically add another paragraph?
And get more examples i’m guessing…</p>

<p>I didn’t want to make up too much crap…
I made up the 1996 study in minnesota and the quote in the conclusion…</p>

<p>Any other tips?</p>

6

<p>You can honestly make up anthing, dont even worry. Add more and not just one paragraph i mean like 2-3 more</p>

7

<p>NEVER start with a rhetorical question. Ever. Under any circumstances. This is a persuasive essay and you cannot give the reader any room to disagree. Be assertive. Questions allow the reader to read your first sentence, disagree with you, and pretty much disregard the entire essay. Definitely start out with a strong statement, not a question (or a quote). </p>

<p>Using qualifying phrases such as “nearly” or “most” etc. Don’t say it’s “impossible” to multitask, because a reader is going to think “Well, I know so-and-so, and he is really good at multitasking” and think less of your essay. If you say “nearly impossible” it’s essentially just as strong of a statement but doesn’t annoy (for lack of a better word) the reader. </p>

<p>Don’t use the word “you” if you can avoid it. It’s seen as informal but this is a rather formal essay. </p>

<p>Use concrete examples, not hypotheticals. Don’t say “Chances are you have listened to music while reading” talk about how your friend once tried to read and listen at the same and the consequences of her actions. </p>

<p>Be sure to include a thesis as well. </p>

<p>Other replies say to get a 5th paragraph - it’s a good idea, but a 5th paragraph is not automatically going to improve your score. Two solid, well-developed body paragraphs is ALWAYS preferable to three decent ones, or two good ones and one really crappy one. Don’t try to incorporate the third paragraph if it’s going to detract from the quality of the writing. Quality > length. </p>

<p>It’s not a horrible essay, but there is definitely room for improvement. I would give it a 6. </p>

<p>Some of the good things you did:
Acknowledged a counterargument
You have a solid, believable example in your second paragraph.
You have pretty good organization, it’s easy to follow and see your ideas.</p>

8

<p>All of the guys are correct when they say length is king. Its a psychological factor where the reader automatically gets a bias when glancing at your essay. A good structure should have an intro , 2 example paragraphs , another paragraph ( an example or a counterargument) and concusion (restate your thesis and FFT). You have right points but it needs more</p>