Grade my APUSH FRQ, Please?

Test Preparation AP Test Preparation
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<p>I'm the only one i know taking this test so I don't really know anyone who would look at my essays. Would you guys mind helping me out and grading my FRQ on a score of 1-9 and leaving some feedback? This was written in 35 minutes. Thanks! I'll probly be back tomorrow for DBQ help.</p>

<p>Question: Explain the causes and consequences of TWO of the following population movementsin the United States during the period 1945–1985.</p>

<p>Suburbanization</p>

<p>The growth of the Sun Belt</p>

<p>Immigration to the United States</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Throughout history there have been many shifts of population. These mass movements of people are often times responsible for many changes that have long lasting effects. In America, between 1945 and 1985, there was also a shift of people who moved from Europe to America and also people moving from the City to the Suburbs which had many effects on American Society.</p>

<p>For example, after World War II, many people desperately wanted to get out of war torn Europe. Since there was no real fighting going on in America, we were left virtually untouched by the destruction caused by the war. Due to this, many people decided to leave Europe and come to America to start a new life. This caused another rise of the nativist ideology in America. Many Americans disliked and were prejudiced against many foreigners. This led to many hate crimes all across the country. This same immigration of Europeans to the U.S. also helped the rise of the KKK who hated not only blacks, but also foreigners. The KKK would grab onto anything to gain power and committed many hate crimes in order to gain nativist public support. Because of this, many foreigners were forced to form their own ethnic communities of their own nationalities in order to help each other out, the same type of help that many Americans refused to give. This gave rise to many communities known as China Town or Little Italy. The United States during this time became an almost international nation. It is during this time that we coined the term “the melting pot”. Many of the immigrants who moved to America during this time left many cultural impacts that became part of today’s American Culture.</p>

<p>Furthermore, many Americans were looking for a way to leave the poverty and crime that were in many major cities. The creation of Levitt towns acted as a major catalyst for the movement from the city to the suburbs. These planned communities gave an affordable way for families to have their own home and yard, but also allowed for them to be close enough to commute to the city in order to work. Now people could enjoy the prosperity of a city job while also enjoying the semi-seclusion of life in the suburbs. Now that people had a home of their own, they spent the surplus of money, that many were enjoying after World War II, to buy things such as TV’s, Radios and Cars. Shows such as “I love Lucy” and “The Brady Bunch” became a hit mainly due to the support received from the suburban family. Many families in the suburbs identified with these shows and therefore had a major role in shaping American Television Culture during this time. This mass consumerism also helped to give rise to Henry Ford’s assembly line cars. Since many suburban families needed a way to get to work, Ford’s cheap line of cars were the perfect solution. In short, the movement of people to the suburbs had many lasting effects.</p>

<p>People always choose to move from one place to another for some reason. Many of these push-pull factors are responsible for many of the changes that can be still felt today. If people stayed stagnant then many things would stay unchanged, and society would cease to move forward.</p>

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<p>It’s pretty good. </p>

<p>You posted this on Yahoo Answers, didn’t you? I saw it there a few minutes ago. :)</p>

<p>I would avoid starting a paragraph with “For Example…”</p>

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<p>Not too bad. I’d go for a five paragraph essay, though.</p>

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<p>any idea about what this would score on the 9 point scale?</p>

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<p>Does it have to be a six-paragraph essay? At least, that’s what my teacher says but he’s pretty tough on us all.</p>

6

<p>I’d give it around a 6. Make sure you cram as much information in there as you can, all while making sure that it relates to your thesis and is well-connected to your paragraphs.</p>

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<p>Tehehe I remember this from last year. </p>

<p>My APUSH teacher last year told us one thing to do well on the FRQs - “answer the question.” And really, you’re not doing that to the degree you should. You need to know more content that’s relevant. For the first paragraph, this was good, but you only had one major consequence pointed out, and I think it was developed to the point of triviality. As for the 2nd, this starts out better, addressing the causes, but then logically doesn’t make sense.</p>

<p>“Now that people had a home of their own, they spent the surplus of money, that many were enjoying after World War II, to buy things such as TV’s, Radios and Cars.”</p>

<p>This simply doesn’t follow. Surplus money is a cause for buying a home, yes. But the purchase of cars, TVs, and Radios is simply not a logical consequence of suburbanization - you need to explain how you arrived at this. And then the rest of your paragraph sounds like an analysis of post-war TV. The bit about cars is developed though.</p>

<p>Sorry if I’m sounding too critical, but I hope you understand that I’m just pointing out the flaws that I think are there. I’d give this a 4-5.</p>

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<p>I agree with just4ivaylo…I’d say a 6 or 7. I think improving your thesis statement would help significantly, along with elaborating on more of the cause side of both movements; you don’t have to have perfectly evenly distributed arguments, but making it more even would help. For example, you talked about the creation of Levitt towns and crime and poverty in the 2nd body paragraph…I feel like having other key pieces of evidence (such as the G.I. Bill…my teacher pounded this into my head last year!!, or the Federal Highway Act [i think was in the 1950s/60s]…) would help on the causes side. This brings me to my final point, which just4ivaylo already mentioned, include as much evidence as you can and always tie it back to your thesis. </p>

<p>No it does not need to be a 5 paragraph essay…it can help, but isn’t always necessary. Use the format which seems to work best in the situation, don’t get formulaic and think “oh I have to have 5 paragraphs”–this will hurt you.</p>

9

<p>whats the essay out of? </p>

<p>i think the KKK thing is pushing it, but anti immigrant ideals were definitely present(Ex know nothing party, No Irish need apply)</p>

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<p>This was last years question, correct? Oh the memories</p>

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<p>Sorry I wasn’t done posting!
But I would work on your thesis? It doesn’t seem very strong, overall maybe a 5?</p>

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<p>You have the main idea, which is good, but you just need more outside information to get an above average score. For example, some information that I would definitely include for suburbanization would be the GI Bill, the Federal Highway Act, Truman’s Housing Act, Levittown (which you did), and the Baby Boom as well as conformity after WWII. For immigration also try to have more specific - in reference to the Cold War, Red Scare, McCarran Internal Security, LBJ Immigration Act of 1965, Reagan’s Immigration Reform and Control Act.</p>