<p>Practice essay--- I am horrible at self grading. My experiences are humiliating. Please go to this link and read it. It is in original handwriting (my writing sucks). I tried to make it 5 pgraph, but ran out of time for another example. Please, tell me how to improve, what I'm doing wrong, what my weakest point is, etc. The prompt is on the link. </p>
<p>Take two minutes to help a little brother out?</p>
<p>Link: </p>
<p>I’d give it a 4/5 (leaning more towards 4)</p>
<p>the reasons for this include:</p>
<ol>
<li>the vocab is nice, but nothing too advanced</li>
<li>the thesis is a bit bland and nothing too sophisticated. However, you did use “however” which shows that you have some style in writing </li>
<li>the examples could have included more detail</li>
</ol>
<p>overall, not bad for an SAT essay :)</p>
<p>Okay, first, your handwriting is not a problem. If you keep it as it is, it will be good enough.</p>
<p>Second, the single greatest problem you have is a lack of development of your analysis. Look at the questions you could have asked and didn’t.</p>
<p>Paragraph 1. Specifics needed. Felt pressure? What kind of pressure? How is it applied and how do different people respond? Affected their chances. Chances for what? How are they affected? What can you tell me about the mechanism of these social systems? How do they work?</p>
<p>Two examples about the same idea. The idea? ‘Some people leave a society rather than submit to its rules.’ Is that it? What more can you say about these examples? What were the specific issues that were raised in each book? Was the horse the bad guy or was the pig? What didn’t the horse like about the rules? Was it only that the horse liked to be cared for by the humans or was there more? How did the other animals react to the rules and why? What can you tell me about the rules and what they indicate about the characters who made them up? How did ALL the various animals react to the horse leaving? How did it all turn out?
What about Jack? Was he the bad guy or was Ralph? What didn’t Jack like about the rules? How did the other boys react to the rules and why? Didn’t Jack also make rules? What do Ralph and Piggy’s rules tell you about their character and what do Jack’s rules tell you about him? Who did the other boys follow and why? Which set of rules do you agree with? Why? How did the story end?</p>
<p>Most important: what do these stories tell you about how you yourself should view rules?</p>
<p>Here’s a secret. When you really have something to say and you really want to say it, your writing will improve a lot. Sentence structure, vocabulary, organization, clarity and coherence will all improve. The important thing is to really have something to say.</p>
<p>Aaaah thanks guys-- very grateful. </p>
<p>Anyway, its not against CC rules to post essays for grading, is it?</p>