Grade my essay? First draft!

<p>Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?</p>

<p>So, let me preface this by saying I had previously written really cliche essays about different topics, but felt that I had a unique hook in my passion (and talent) with music, so completely changed my essay and the prompt from the Common App. Let me know what you think of this new draft. I KNOW IT'S TOO LONG, THAT"S WHY I NEED YOUR HELP!</p>

<p>Not really sure on a title, maybe "One Man Band/The Studio?"</p>

<p>I was sitting in my bedroom, quietly listening to the song that had topped the charts for the past several weeks, "Viva la Vida." The chords rang through my headphones, as the familiar sound of the piano was being played harmoniously behind it, immediately resonating within me. With my headphones still in, my thirteen year old self quickly ran over to my living room, or as I referred to it, "The Studio." I switched one headphone out, and with the song still playing, focused on the chords surrounding Coldplay's lyrics. My keys took to certain notes, and one after the other, I slowly caught up to the pace of the song, matching the chords being played in my headphone. As the song came to an abrupt end, and my fingers coordinated with my thoughts to understand what happened, I replayed the song, this time with no headphones in. I reached the melody, hit every note perfectly in time, and thrust through the strong chorus. My young, excited mind was intrigued entirely, and I hit shuffle on my iPod while attempting to learn and memorize as many songs as I could.</p>

<p>This living room newly transformed into my personal studio was no arbitrary idea. The lone piano that had been purely for display was now in full use, and hours after hours improvising on different scales while incorporating common music endured. The studio was the sole source of my emotion, the piano feeling the wrath of every loss in soccer, bad grade, relationship broken, or relative lost. Time and time again, when strong emotions came over me, the studio was the place I could go where no one truly would understand what the notes and sounds meant, whether it be a song people knew or only an improvisation. </p>

<p>Okay, so it is a bit long. What I really wanted advice on was anyway I could indirectly reference how this could've positively changed me as I grew up. I obviously still play and release emotions into it, but the talent I was trying to show was learning songs by ear. However, I'd want some advice on how I could nonchalantly show how this has improved me as a person, prepared me for college and adulthood, etc. Thanks for any help!</p>