Grade my Essay? First Time

<p>Prompt: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?</p>

<p>Essay:
Often times people expect the government to provide for what their community needs or wants. But sometimes the government often neglects some issues or projects, so it up to the people in the community take responsibility. People should take more responsibility for their community not just to make their community a better place but to set an example for the world.
When people help their community it makes the world a better person. For example when the Massachusetts Bay Colony was founded, leader John Winthrop envisioned the colony to be "the city on the hill". In other words the ideal model for what all societies should be like.. With that goal in mind the people were always conscious of doing the right thing and enforced laws and societal rules for people to be morally right. More personally, I remember volunteering at the local elementary school and tutoring kids. The experience made me more empathetic and compassionate.
Helping one's community also makes on a better citizen. If someone is helping their community and making it a better place then it teaches them to take pride in their community. I remember when I was younger, I helped clean up our neighborhood park. When it was clean, I felt proud of my community. When people have given back to their community it makes them feel as if they are important and appreciated. This teaches one how to be a better citizen and what it means to contribute to the community.
Solving problems in the community also helps unity the community. When I helped clean up the park, I met new people and neighbors who I would have not met otherwise. This helped me learn more about my community and feel united.
Now some may say it is the government's job to solve issues in our community. The government's responsibility is to secure the rights of the people that are governed. But there are 300 million people living in America today, and many complicated problems that people face all around the country. Many times when the government takes a stance or acts on an issue it becomes controversial, thus creating more problems. For example, it is a highly debated issue whether the government should take action in Syria. Sometimes it's best for the government to stay out of problems.
Furthermore, it can be difficult for the federal government to troubleshoot a problem, that is not directly affecting them. The people in the community know what's best for them and how the issue should be solved. And if the people in the community are successfully able to solved the problem, then it gives them a sense of pride, and can influence them to take further action and care for their community.
When people work to solve the problems in their community it inspires them to take responsibility and thus become a better person. And when people take care of their communities then the nation can progress.</p>

<p>Here’s what I learn from this essay. Cleaning up the park will make the world a better place. If the US takes action in Syria, it might cause a debate.</p>

<p>Those do not seem like strong points to me.</p>

<p>I see zero evidence that “when people take care of their communities then the nation can progress.”</p>