Grade my essay & I'll grade yours!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Please grade it and give me constructive criticism and I'll do the same for yours if you either link me or copy & paste your essay here.</p>

<p>ALSO, question: Currently I have one paragraph per example. Should I combine two short ones into one big paragraph?</p>

<p>PROMPT: Can knowledge be a burden?</p>

<p>Although we often view knowledge as power or a positive thing, it can often be a burden and sometimes ignorance is bliss. This is shown through various works of literature such as in 1984 by George Orwell, Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, and Macbeth by William Shakespeare.</p>

<p>In 1984, the protagonist Wilson, who works for the government, knows what others in his world do not. He is not oblivious to the government's overly repressive and tyrannical nature. He often imagines a better life and cannot control his unorthodox thoughts which eventually leads him to deceive and attempt to rebel against the government but fails and it leads to his downfall. If he had stayed ignorant like the others, he would not have the urge to rebel. </p>

<p>Similarly, in the world of Fahrenheit 451, its people are not allowed to read or keep any books. The protagonist Guy works as a fireman - one who burns books and the houses of any found to be keeping them. While most of the people are satisfied with society and believe books are harmful, useless, and dangerous, Guy knows otherwise. He has read books and finds and consults with an old professor who he knows keeps books and knows a lot about them. However, they are discovered and persecuted because of their knowledge that they weren't supposed to have.</p>

<p>Moreover, in Macbeth, the main character Macbeth is a national hero, filled with glory and loyalty until he meets the three witches. The witches tell him that one day he will become king and this knowledge drives him over the edge. He is no longer satisfied with his status and together with his wife the Lady Macbeth sets out to make the prophecy come true. It leads both him and his wife to near madness and ruthlessness, eventually ending in their death.</p>

<p>1984, Fahrenheit 451, and Macbeth are all examples of how knowledge is not always power but can sometimes be a burden. Knowledge can ruin someone and often have negative results. As the famous saying goes - ignorance is bliss.</p>

2

<p>Hey 20Summer08, I would give you 8 out of 12.</p>

<p>First of all, I would suggest you to write in the simple past tense. The examples are reasonable and your essay has good coherence. But I believe, something related to technology and/or science would fit more for this particular topic. For example, you could write about the existing environmental problems such as global warming or even the aftermath of the nuclear bombing in Japan, during the World War II.</p>

<p>You used a few SAT words in the essay and this is good! Try to use them more if you can. For example, “arsonist” or “incendiary” would look better than “fireman”. Also try to have these words spread around the essay. This sentence is ambiguous- “He has read books and finds and consults with an old professor who he knows keeps books and knows a lot about them.”</p>

<p>Take a look at this, it’s really helpful and will help you to make a universal template for all essays: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>And, yes, write one example per paragraph. Don’t combine multiple examples into one para.</p>

<p>Good luck with your SAT! And please check my essay too: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1445520-please-grade-my-essay.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1445520-please-grade-my-essay.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

3

<p>Thank you! The WW2 example didn’t occur to me until I read this! :)</p>

4

<p>Hi, I would also give you a 8 out of 12.</p>

<p>As for some general ideas for improvement, I would try to elaborate more on your examples. You have three examples but they are very short and not elaborated much on. </p>

<p>In addition, like alteredtuning said, I would try to use bigger vocab words. </p>

<p>Also, I’ve noticed that all of your supporting paragraphs are from books. 2 of them are dystopian novels. In general, I would try to “spread” the topics your supporting paragraphs are from. Maybe 1 book, 1 world-example, etc. </p>

<p>Good luck on the SATs! And please grade my essay too:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1445531-grade-essay-please.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1445531-grade-essay-please.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;