Grade my essay please!! January SAT!

<p>Many people believe that our government should do lot to solve our problems. After all, how can one individual create more jobs or make roads safer or improve the schools or help to provide any of the other benefits that we have come to enjoy? And yet expecting that the government-rather than individuals-should always come up with the solutions to society's ills may ha e made us self-reliant, undermining our independence and self-sufficiency.</p>

<p>Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general? </p>

<pre><code> "We the People, have gathered to form a more perfect union" was the beginning statement in the United States of America constitution. More than two hundred years ago a union was formed to solve the problems of the people; that union was the American Government. Through checks and balances the government was formed to perform a variety of actions such as building roads and protecting citizens from foreign attacks. As the nation progressed more actions were done such as the creation of the Department of Education. When a disruption in the peace of the nation occurred one could always count on the democratic government to solve the issue. It is the government's duty to provide solutions to society's ills and it was created just to do so. Yet it is impossible for the government to solve every issue. How can the government be expected to cure every illness and help every neighbor. This is when it is the citizen's duty to assist the government in making America the best that it can be. After all, it as the people who formed the nation.
In the 19th century President Lincoln declared the Emancipation Proclamation. This proclamation was the force that led to the 13th Amendment which gave enslaved African Americans their freedom, the freedom of equality. It was just for the government to so this and it we even long awaited by many slaves. The government had succeeded in doing its duty to society and in effect it had made America a better place.
However, this Proclamation did not make America be best place. Racism rose and segregation followed. Hopeful newly freed African Americans grew disappointed as they were shunned from society. A weary African American make who worked in the beating hot sun from dawn till dusk during the slave days still had to remain on the plantation because no other opportunities were being made available to him. The several slaves who waited in lines for hours were denied suffrage as the angry and bitter men with white cloaks threatened their safety.
It was only until society took matters into their own hands. It was only until society rose to the stand in a way the government could not. Martin Luther King, Jr. came up with a solution which he expressed with his dominant and strong voice in his "I Have a Dream" speech. The Civil Rights movement prevailed in ensuring true equality. True equality that the government attempted to give. Through nonviolence and several years to develop, discrimination and prejudice in America were greatly reduced.
Today is great prof that society was able to solve America's problems. African Americans are now able to vote, own property, and even run for president without fear. Although it is he government's responsibility to solve the United States's issues, it is society's duty to assist it.
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<p>Anybody? I would really appreciate feedback. This is one of the first essays I’ve written for the SAT. It is completely under the 25 min time restrain too. Please take the time to grade this because I want to have an idea of how I will score THIS Saturday! Only 3 more days!!!</p>

<p>A quick reply. Your essay took a while to get started. The first paragraph spun its wheels, making statements that were not clearly related and sometimes repetitive.</p>

<p>However, your thesis and the example you chose to develop it were strong and showed a degree of mature insight into the question. Once you got started, the essay was more direct and clearly and creatively presented. </p>

<p>This essay would be scored a high 4 by some raters or a low 5 by others for a final score in the range of 8 - 10. I don’t know how much time you used to brainstorm before you wrote, but I would be inclined to try taking an extra minute or even two to develop a clear idea of your thesis and major outline points before you start writing your intro. If you want to try again, I’ll look for another sample essay tonight and tomorrow.</p>

<p>Thank you so much for actually taking the time to grade my essay! I graded this an 8 so you are definitely in the range I expected myself to get. </p>

<p>And I know a bit where I could improve. I did not brainstorm at all haha I just came up with an idea and wrote. Next time I will take a bit more time to develop an outline. Thanks again for the feedback!</p>

<p>^ so after this you probably think am the dumbass, who gave u a too good score cuz i suck myself… -_-… so u decided to ignore.
that ain’t entirely wrong i aint a prof, but listen kid, i wrote an essay waay worse essay and got a 10… and i’ve seen worse that got a 12! So wanna enhance urs, go ahead… i men duuh of course… but it is fine… and good… whatever…</p>

<p>^^^ Haha it’s fine thanks though! And none of us are professionals</p>