Grade my essay please

<p>People may change if they encounter an inspiring individual, or a significant event happens to them. Such encounters or events may cause a person to change his or views on certain issues, or even his or her philosophy of life.
I used to be inattentive to detail when I was young. I would glance through a passage and not spot the error, or miss out important details on a maths question. It was my foolish view that such errors did not matter, and I could get through life without having to correct these errors. The time came when I had to apply for university, for which I had to complete an application form, including a statement describing myself. Thinking that it was an easy piece of writing, I spent relatively little time on it. It was only when my teacher pointed out glaring grammatical and spelling errors that I realized the potential repercussions.
“Is this really what you’d like to sound like to an admissions tutor? An inattentive student who doesn’t know the difference between “you’re” and “your”?” my teacher pointed out harshly. I knew from then on that I could not continue to be slovenly in detail, whether it be writing or everyday life.
People may change if a tragic event happens to them. A long-term alcoholic has been ignoring the pleas of his family members for years; he had tried to stay off drinking for a brief period of time, then he would fail to resist the great temptation of a cool drink, and descend into drunkenness and violence. One day he found out that his wife had terminal cancer. He would dutifully visit her every day, albeit always drunk and untidy. His wife said nothing about this, until he last day, when she said, “I want you to live a good life after me.” He had finally realized that his drinking had been causing much misery and sorrow in his dysfunction family. It dawned on him that he could never see her again, having wasted so many years in insobriety and unconsciousness. The morals of the two stories are that people can, and do change, no matter how unoptimistic the outlook may be. We are all equipped with the ability to change; indeed, change must come from within, but it must also be catalyzed by a powerful external force. Only then will the change last.</p>