Grade my essay pleaseeeeeeeee

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1

<p>Hello, I would appreciate it if you guys would be kind enough to grade my essay on the 1-12 scale, thankyou :P (Please give reasons of what is wrong with my essay)</p>

<p>What is your definition of a hero?</p>

<pre><code>When we think of the therm hero, we think of a person with seemingly supernatural powers, such as the ability to fly or lift heavy objects, this however is not true. The heroes that are seen in movies and TV shows are just evocations from the minds of screenwriters and producers. A real hero is someone who will do the right thing even in the most testing situations.
My hero is Martin Luther King Jr. During the times after the American Civil War, when the states were full of violent racism, Martin Luter King Jr knew that this was not right and he fought against it. He knew the consequences would be high for going against the grain, but even so, he still proceeded on to do the right thing. As known in many history books, Martin Luther King Jr’s house was attacked by many baneful racists that were against his cause, but even so, he still continued giving speeches advocating equality. During one of these speeches, he had to pay the ultimate price, but for what cause? Now America is much more equal and although racism still exists, it is present in much lesser quantities, and people like Martin Luther King Jr paved the way to the freedom that Americans enjoy now.
Many people throughout history have been heroes, some better known than others. From the conspiritors of Operation Valkyrie to the schoolchildren that go against bullies. Heroes come in all forms and have different accomplishments, but they all have one thing in common: They do what is right.
</code></pre>

2

<p>You have a good introduction and conclusion. Your thesis is also clear and well developed. However, you need to have more examples. One is not enough. For your example, it would be better if you added a sentence at the end saying that Martin Luther King did the right thing. It would help tie the example to the prompt better. Overall, I think you have a great essay; it’s just that you need more examples. I don’t what what grade to give you though :frowning: Sorry</p>

3

<p>Your thesis lacked strength, probably because you wasted a sentence in “the heroes that are…screenwriters and producers.” </p>

<p>Your vocabulary is good and your knowledge of the events surrounding MLK is evident. However, your assertion of your thesis with regards to MLK is rather vague, and the rhetorical question doesn’t work well.</p>

<p>Your conclusion convinced me of your moderate critical thinking, though it was undermined by grammatical errors. </p>

<p>I’d score this a 6/12. (You could easily have scored 7-8 simply by writing ~100 words more)</p>

4

<p>Thankyou for your reviews.</p>

5

<p>6/12
need more examples
grammar/spelling and flow problems : “when the states were full of violent racism, Martin Luter King Jr knew that this was not right and he fought against it.”</p>

<ol>
<li>Luther not Luter</li>
<li>what are you referring to as “this”?</li>
<li>“It” has no object</li>
</ol>

6

<p>Thanks for pointing that out, I totally missed that.</p>