grade my essay plz =]

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Prompt from practice test 6 in BB: Is the world changing for the better?</p>

<pre><code> There are always positive and negative changes occuring simultaneously through the world at any given time. It is impossible to absolutely change for the worse or change for the better, but as the world progresses, the overall change is one for the better.
</code></pre>

<p>During the late 19th century and the early 20th century, America was morphing dramatically. This era saw many changes in politics, civil rights, and environmentalism. In the early 1900s, Theodore Roosevelt, nicknamed appropriately the King of Reform, brought about changes in a myriad of fields. He combatted the huge ogliopolie or trusts that immorally destroyed competition. He fought for environmental protection, mitigating a substantiable amount of land to preserve as National Parks, archaelogical sites, and Mineral Reserves. Furthermore, during this epoch, the amendment garunteeing women's sufferage was a major breakthrough for civil rights, extending voting rights to the other half of U.S. population.</p>

<p>However, while all of these reforms were for the better, there was a darker side to this generally improving time. Ironically, while some people were protesting for fair trade and equal rights, they blatantly left out the African American population. Inf fact, there were many changes that exacerbated the growning tensions against African Americans. For example in the court case Plessy vs. Ferguson, the Supreme Court ruled that "seperate but equal" was constitutional. THis made it legal to enact Jim Corw laws that strictly enforced segregation. Even though the court ruling said that the seperate "white and colored" facilities should be equal, the whites ended up with the better facilities and the colored, the dilapidated ones. On the other hand, change for the better did come out of even this dark side. Calls for reform by rising African American Civil Rights leaders emerged and began leading thier people to better lives. Leaders like Du Bois and Brooker T. Washington united the blacks and started a movement of thier own.</p>

<h2>In conclusion, while there were some bad changes, the overall progression of the world through thime, was for the better. Even in the worst of situations, things were always looking up. </h2>

<p>I realized I made a bunch of spelling errors after I typed it out, but I left my essay the way I wrote it. Please give me a score 0-12 thanks!</p>

2

<p>plz some1 grade?</p>

3

<p>Two things.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Expand introduction and conclusion, I don't even have to read it to tell you that, because there's no way you can have any real depth with 1-2 sentence intros and conclusions.</p></li>
<li><p>Your body paragraphs read like history papers. You are describing, but you are not analyzing. What are the significance of these events with respect to the prompt? Examples are no good if you do not explain them.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>3-4 out of 6.</p>

4

<p>This essay tries to argue too much, I think. Or, what I really mean to say is that your thesis is too broad to argue about in this essay. I mean, think about it. You're trying to argue that overall, throughout history, the world is getting better. There are so many gaps in your examples. Think about what you're saying. I think that this can really help a lot of people. Ask yourself these questions: "What am I trying to get across?" In other words, what is your thesis? Then summarize your points. When you do this, you should notice that what you have as support just cannot hold what you're trying to say. You give a few examples of bad things and a few more examples of good things, and you say that the whole world is getting better as a whole. That's basically what your whole essay is saying. And that just isn't convincing.</p>

<p>If I were given this prompt I would have a hard time. There are just too many things to consider before you can make a definite opinion, either "The world is getting better" or "The world is not getting better." I would probably argue that current and recent trends in world history suggest that the world is not getting better. For example, when lots of diseases were treated, a lot of population problems were inadvertently caused, and then go into examples like India. With increasing globalization, which, I think, many people view as a good thing, because ___ and <strong><em>, lots of problems go with it, for example, </em></strong><strong>, which _</strong> and ____. So you have to give these things real thought and go deeply into what you really think. Or you could even argue that while the world is improving in certain respects, it is getting worse or not improving in other areas. </p>

<p>Why am I saying all this? Read your essay again and ask yourself what you are saying in your essay. I think that now you should be able to tell yourself why this essay isn't very convincing and how it can be improved.</p>

5

<p>i noticed that your examples were from the early 20th century, which is nearly 100 years ago. While Progressivism, and much of that era, is fresh in my mind from APUSH, i am not sure if using it as an example really supports a thesis that the world, in its current state, is getting "better" or "worse". Could somebody shed some light on the effectiveness of using historic events (more than 25 years or so) to predict current/future trends for topics on the SAT essay?</p>

6

<p>This is a fair to good essay. Your introductory and concluding paragraphs are good, but not perfect and not flawed because they are only two sentences each (in fact, the brevity and directness of the first and last paragraphs is the strength). After rereading your essay, I think that it is good. The opening and closing paragraphs are very good. Word choice, although appropriate, is, nonetheless, a bit awkward. Again, your first and last paragraphs are strong, and the middle two are good.</p>

7

<p>bco09:</p>

<p>It could be argued that the chronological scope of the prompt has not been defined, but personally I would avoid examples after 20 years ago for this prompt.</p>

8

<p>I disagree with the above post. In fact, it might be more interesting to look at change in a much broader context. But this is a choice intentionally left to the writer to be defined in the opening paragraph.</p>