Please grade my essay #4 (real CB test one)

<p>Okay this is from blue book test #7. This was hardest prompt ever for me. I wrote A LOT though. Haha..</p>

<p>Quote: "Tough challenges reveal our strengths and weaknesses." This statement is certainly true; adversity helps us discover who we are. Hardships can often lead us to examine who we are and to question what is important in life. In fact, people who have experienced seriously adverse events frequently report that they were positively charged by their negative experiences.</p>

<p>Assignment: Do you think that ease does not challenge us and we need adversity to help us discover who we are? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observation.</p>

<hr>

<p>President Franklin Delano Roosevelt once said, "What we have to fear is fear itself." By this, he told Americans that during the Depression, the worst calamity happens within Americans' minds so as long as they controlled their minds, they could solve the problem. Often times, people feel that they need adversities or motivations to discover themselves from others. In my opinion, people have what they need for their lives within them, and therefore, do not need ouside adversity at all.</p>

<p>A famous Jewish author named Elie Wiesel exists as an outstanding example. His book Night is memoir of cruelty he received from Nazis in the World War II. Did he really need to undergo that horrible adversity named Holocaust to discover who he was? I absolutely believe that he didn't need to lose his parents, siblings, and relatives to discern himself as Jew. In fact, the Holocaust destroyed his identity as a person, and left him with cold title of "Holocaust survivor." If the belief of prompt was true, then he should have been capable of explaining his horror to the world with ease. But, he couldn't because the acerbic treatments always existed in his mind, and therefore, vitiated him from living as a normal person. Of course, I think it's superfluously false to say that his life became positive after this negative event.</p>

<p>Another example occurred in George Orwell's classic book 1984. In this book, the main character is a man named Winston Smith, who lives in the land called Oceania. In Oceania, there is one and only reign called the Party with its leader Big Brother. As the story progresses, Winston Smithi s working as rebel to overthrow this inhumane Party, and gain to live like a citizen without extreme government. He also falls in love with a girl named Julia, who happens to be a secret rebel herself. But the story ends with Winston's failure and losing Julia to save himself. Winston Smith, although he lives in fictional and different land, is similar to people in our society. He wanted to do something that he considered to be correct despite the opposition. But the key is this: he was looking to discover who he was by looking others. If he looked at himself and tried to discover who he really was, he could've planned something more covert and successful.</p>

<hr>

<p>I wish I had more time on this because my second reason is somewhat unclear now. I wanted to add that Winston was a good example because by the adversity named the Party, he forgot to learn about himself and just went for the cause of overthrowing the Party. Like how can you hope to conquer others, if you can't barely know what you can do? I wanted to add that stuffs but time ran out and yeah, sad... The length was pretty good and I thought I "tried" to stay in track most of time so hopefully, it's not too bad... >_<</p>

<p>i give it a 4</p>

<p>I'd give it a 4 max. On a 12-point scale, a 7 or 8.</p>

<p>However, I maybe biased because you misquoted a rather famous quote, which isn't the best way to start off an essay. Kudos for trying, though, and your literary examples definately boost your score. While overall this essay is coherent, you do have some rather glaring grammatical mistakes. To get this essay into the 5/6 range, you would need to include a conclusion, a nice bow to tie everything together and back into the intro. Throwing in some "SAT vocabulary" wouldn't hurt, either.</p>

<p>Yeah, conclusion was necessary I thought but I ran out of time. As for using quote, this was my first time using it because someone said that I shouldn't use question to start. I'm not that concord with that but I thought, "hey why not? try it! You never know what type of situation you get into."</p>

<p>There were some SAT vocabularies like calamity, vitiated, superfluous, and covert. Maybe there were some more that I missed but at least that's what I found haha..</p>

<p>It's really short and underdeveloped, so I'd say a 3.</p>