Grade my essay

<p>So I plan to give my SAT this december but I'm really nervous about the essay as I am not able to get it right. If anyone would be kind enough to grade this essay of mine and give me tips that'd be extremely helpful</p>

<p>Prompt: Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame or power?</p>

<p>The society has always been accused of being materialistic. However, it should be taken more as the truth than as an accusation. Our need for recognition and power is more concrete than our fickle natured conscience. This can be demonstrated through the examples of the TV show Gossip Girl and Hitler's actions.</p>

<p>A good example is the central mystery of Gossip Girl which is the identity of Gossip Girl. In the finale it is revealed that Gossip Girl is in fact Dan Humphrey; the lonely boy from Brooklyn who rose to fame with speculations about his relationships and whereabouts with Manhattan's elite. Belonging to a middle class house hould and always being labelled in school perpetuated his jealousy and desire to rise to fame at par with the elite. It was for this purpose he created his identity of Gossip Girl which both ruined lives and made them. Had he listened to his conscience, he would not have fulfilled his desire. Hence, this example shows how the mercenary motives can be more powerful and fruitful than the conscience driven ones.</p>

<p>Like the example of Gossip Girl, the World War II from 1939 to 1945 gives considerable evidence of the dominance of mercenary motives. Hitler, who is perhaps the most dogmatic dictator the world has seen is the epitome of the hunger of power and fame. He gassed millions of jews, attempted to thwart his ally, Joseph Stalin and committed various other war crimes. Although he was primarily motivated by spite, it grew to be the hunger for power. However inhumane his actions were, he did everything within his abilities to achieve his goal. He was motivated not by his conscience but power. Even though he suffered his downfall and was unable to fulfil his dream, the chances of succeeding then were much more than when he would have suppressed his desires and given in to conscience.</p>

<p>In conclusion, one can see that no matter how avarice the situation may seem the mercenary motive is far more powerful than the conscience driven one. This is aptly illustrated by the examples of Gossip Girl and Hitler. It is true that motivation is the strongest when one listens to their deepest desires.</p>

<p>8 or 9 out of 12
you have to write more details and long conclusion </p>

<p>Okay I’ll keep that in mind. Thank You!</p>