This essay is from my 5th practice test. I am looking for constructive criticism (and a score out of 12), not obnoxious or hateful criticism, form experts (professional SAT writing tutors, or professional writers). If you are an expert, please substantiate it by either providing a link to your website or by providing and proving your SAT writing score. And I am aware of the numerous spelling and grammatical errors, so please don’t point them out unless the are not obvious. I also did not finish the last paragraph or write a conclusion, so keep that in mind.
Prompt: Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power?
Essay:
"Fame, fortune and power are usually much more motivating the consience due to human greed and selfishness. In cases from our daily lifes, history, and much more people most often make imoral but lucrative decisions, rather than moral, lawful, or philanthropic ones. Capitalism itself is entirely based apon the principle of trampling over less fortunate people inorder to suceed and gain power, and it much more pervasive than any other form of government. Monarchy was once the most popular form of government and it, too, is based on greed. Economic and political systems through out history have shown that we choose money over moral more often then not.
The French Revolution, born out of a desire for an equitible constitution, fell to a less equitable and more greedy government, monarchy. The people of France had been severly mistreated and aggreeved by the current monarchs, demanding change. They eventually overthrew monarchy and established a nascent republic with a new constitution. But Neapolen Bonaparte had a superior motive, one more powerful than the poeple’s desire for just, and his own conscience: power and money. He, subsequently, terminated France’s previous constituion and replaced it with a monarchy with him at its pinacle. Monarchy and greed literally and metaphorically trumped justice.
Capitalism, the most lucrative and pervasive form of government, has substantiated the power of human greed. Capitalism is based on the pincipal of having few fortunate people or organizations, which have to means of production, for every one else to work for. Inorder to succeed in a capitalist society, everyone must pursue climing the hierachy ladder, euntrepenuership. And, because of people’s enormous greedy motivations, most do so. Many nations"