Grade my essays?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>I'm taking the SAT for the first time this Saturday and I would really appreciate it if someone graded my essays! I'll post one right now, but more are to come. </p>

<p>This is my first essay so hopefully some feedback will help me determine how to write the next one better.</p>

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<p>Traditionally the term "heroism" has been applied to those who have braved physical danger to defend a cause or protect others. But one of the most feared dangers people face is that of disapproval by their family, peers, or community. Sometimes acting courageously requires someone to speak out at the risk of such rejection. We should consider those who do so true heroes. </p>

<p>Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it?</p>

<p>Heroism does not have anything to do with braving physical danger but rather with why it is faced in the first place. Therefore, heroes should be defined as those who stand up for what they believe is right, despite opposition. There are countless examples of men and women who have done so in literature and history.</p>

<p>Martin Luther stood up to be a hero at the Diet of Worms when he refused to recant his beliefs despite being threatened to be excommunicated from the Catholic Church. His beliefs, which had already gotten him into serious dilemmas, were not seen seen courageous because someone else had wanted to express them but weren't able to. They were seen heroic because Luther refused to stop believing them as correct and stood up for them even when he was being threatened.</p>

<p>Another example of a hero is Skeeter from The Help by Kathryn Stockett. She writes a book showing the harsh lives of African American maids in her town. She is the only white person who believes that the way the maids are being treated are wrong, but she writes her book to stand up for her beliefs. Even when her enemy threatens to ruin her relationships with her family and her boyfriend, she speaks out for what she believes as right; her heroism has nothing to do with the beliefs or lack of courage of the people around her. </p>

<p>A last example comes from Aldous Huxley's Brave New World. In his book, John the "Savage" is a character that continually stands up for what he believes is right- whether others agree or not. He does this by choosing to have religion, reading Shakespeare, and promoting freedom, though most of the ordinary people do not understand or even care about what he is talking about. His cause could make him an extreme outcast, but he continues to promote it. He is a hero for what he does despite opposition.</p>

<p>As seen through people defined as heroes in literature and history, it becomes clear that the definition of hero does not really have to do with others lacking courage, but simply to do with what one believes is right andstanding up for that belief even at the cost of danger or resistance.</p>

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<p>Typing it out, I realize this is quite bad but I would still like specific criticism/tips on what to fix. Thank you again!</p>

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<p>Bump? Any feedback would be much appreciated!</p>

3

<p>Good essay. I would give it a 5/6.</p>

<p>This is a strong 5 paragraph essay. The few things keeping it from a 6 essay in the repetitive nature of the essay, e.g. “Another example…” “A last example…”. Your language is a tad simple, so you could spice up your essay with use of more figurative language or other such literary devices.</p>

<p>You do a good job of emphasizing your points and tying your each example back to your main point, so don’t lose that.</p>

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<p>Thank you so much for replying! Your suggestions were really helpful. I tried to implement them in this next one. (Though hindsight this one is still pretty repetitive; I can’t seem to find other words to describe what I’m saying in the span of 25 minutes.)</p>

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<p>Many people believe that our government should do more to solve our problems. After all, how can one individual create more jobs or make roads safer or improve our schools or help to provide any of the other benefits that we have come to enjoy? And yet expecting that the government — rather than individuals — should always come up with the solutions to society’s ills may have made us less self-reliant, undermining our independence and self-sufficiency. </p>

<p>**Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general? **</p>

<p>Other people cannot solve our problems. People must deal with the problems that affect them and their community or country because an individual taking a stand will always have a powerful effect. This is visible in history and in literature.</p>

<p>Martin Luther was one man who completely changed his community. The Catholic church at that time was involved in corrupt practices like the sale of indulgences and refused to change. When Martin Luther told the Catholic Church the problem, they were unwilling to change, so he took the matter into his own hands. By taking responsibility for the problem in his community, Luther had a huge impact. His 95 Theses were circulated all around Germany and his ideas were so powerful they began a new church. He did not wait around for other people to fix his society’s problems; he fixed them himself. The power of his actions have left a mark even today.</p>

<p>Skeeter in The Help by Kathryn Stockett was a woman who saw how unfairly the black maids in her town were being treated. When the government and supposed leaders of the community were unwilling to do anything about the prejudice against the maids, Skeeter took responsibility. She wrote a book that exposed the problems and hypocrisyof the society. Her book produced a powerful reaction in her community as people read her book andrealized that she was talking about them. The black people in the town were also shaken by her book, and thanked her for willing to take responsibility and own up for the problems the community faced. Though SKeeter was just one girl, she took a stand against issues no else would stand against; the changed her small town forever.</p>

<p>Through the examples of Skeeter and Martin Luther, one can see that when individuals take responsibility for problems in their community, they can make a difference- even when others or the government cannot.</p>

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<p>Again, I would be very thankful for any feedback! :)</p>