Grade my first crack at an SAT essay?

<p>It's from the 2011 edition of the Princeton Review. It's my first try at a timed SAT essay. Any grading/criticism/advice would be a huge help :]</p>

<p>Thanks in advance</p>

<p>As Leo Tolstoy said in War and Peace, "... great men are labels giving names to events, and like labels they are but the smallest connection with the event," average people and their actions do impact history. It is when, with their actions change and inspiration are created at which point the average person becomes a great. With examples littered throughout history and modern day, it is clear that many ordinary people, through their actions become great.</p>

<p>Pick any book from the throes of great literature and behind it is a pertinent example of how ordinary people can affect history on a colossal scale. For example, who though that as a child, Adolf Hitler would rise to become one of the most influential figures in modern history. This ordinary child would later in life pen Mein Kampf and spawn a tragic genocide as well as World War II in which millions of people would die. By the actions of this 'ordinary person,' history on a massive scale was changed forever, impacting enumerable lives.</p>

<p>Behind the story of the most great men, is one that is not so different than you and I. These great movers and shakers all began as ordinary people. Through their actions, society has been molded and history made. Most people are born equal and it is through their own actions that their character and intentions speak, elevating them to the status of greats.</p>

<p>I’m not much of an expert on this, so I can’t grade you on the topic or information itself, as I have only taken one PSAT, but you forgot to capitalize the “t” in through, in the second to last sentence if that helps.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>Thanks anyway, it’s not perfect since I typed this off of what I wrote, there might be a few of those kinds of mistakes, so thanks :]</p>

<p>Good luck on your future tests too ;b</p>

<p>One thing you need is more structure. More fluff. </p>

<p>Intro. Thesis. I support it
2npara. Thesis like statement. View/evidence. Supports Thesis
3rd para. same as above
4th same as above
5th conclusion: thesis, what you said etc.</p>

<p>Thats just a start, but try and follow that. Also if i scored it I’d give it a 3-4</p>

<p>-not long enough
-couple of tense problems
-write shorter sentences
-you have little evidence to support your hypothesis
-nice quote though (if that’s from the prompt, make sure it doesn’t say based upon Leo Tolstoy’s ideas)</p>

<p>Try and write more next time</p>

<p>somewhere between 5-8 (with two graders)</p>

<p>please chance me <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/what-my-chances/1060060-colleges-im-interested-can-i-get-into-2.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/what-my-chances/1060060-colleges-im-interested-can-i-get-into-2.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Thanks to you both! :]</p>