<p>Topic: Can the daily actions of average people have a significant impact on the course of history? </p>
<p>Essay:
It is better rendered true that the daily actions of average people have a significant impact on the course of history. No man is born great. Everyone, by birth, is equal. It is what they do, and achieve throughout the course of their lives that makes others entitle them as being 'great'. </p>
<p>Sir Issac Newton made history the day he discovered gravity.He did not go out intentionally that day with a plan of contributing to history. He was just relaxing under the tree when the the thought struck him, on being hit with an apple. </p>
<p>Another noteworthy example is of Anne Frank, the author of "The diary of a Young Girl". She never planned on becoming a writer or being remembered for decades or centuries to come. She just wrote in her diary, the events and happenings of the particular time. On her part, it was nothing but a daily action. But today, we look up to her for her strength and courage. We also get to learn about the many unknown aspects of the era by reading the diary. </p>
<p>It isn't great men who create history, rather, it is the history that enables the generations to come, to label those men as worthy of being called great.</p>
<p>4… maybe a 5. so 8-10</p>
<p>Hmmm…it needs a bit of work. To begin with, the Issac Newton reference is very weak, and shows a lack of understanding in regards to what Newton actually contributed history and science. The Anne Frank argument also veers from the prompt. Anne Frank’s diary did not alter or impact the course of history, it merely depicted it. I think with better, more solid examples, you can write a better essay. As for now, I would give it a 5-6 combined</p>
<p>Just realized how short this is. change that to 6-7.</p>
<p>I get the sense that what you’re arguing is that everyone was an average person before they made history, which is totally valid, but your essay doesn’t really answer the question about whether they change the course of history. I think it would be better to talk about groups/social movements rather than individuals.</p>
<p>edited:</p>
<p>it’s probably unnecessary to mention what book Anne Frank is the author of. Your essay reader will know that.</p>
<p>Another thing is that you address “people” as “men”, which your essay reader might not care about but it doesn’t really make sense if one of your exemplars is a girl.</p>
<p>Transitions are great, writing is clear, to make it better you’d just have to make changes so it actually answers the question.</p>
<p>These are only my opinions and I’m definitely NOT an expert. My SAT tutor taught me these tricks because she was trained as an official reader </p>
<ul>
<li><p>Answer the question (I had issues with this whenever I wrote my essays): Can the daily actions of average people have a significant impact on the course of history? The question is asking if average people and their daily actions have significant IMPACT on history. Did you answer in your examples why these to figures impacted history? You brought up how they all began as average people but not really how they actually impacted history, even though most people know what Newton and Anne Frank did you never stated it and just assumed they know. You must be careful about that, you need to explicitly state reasons. </p></li>
<li><p>State a clear thesis. Unlike APs or your english class that requires you to not just restate the question in your thesis, the SAT readers don’t really care. They don’t even care about fancy language or word phrasing. Just make it clear, even if you repeat the question, and include the examples you will be talking about in your introduction. Your intro sounded good (although you seemed to work more on your introduction that your examples). A suggestion, just add the examples you will be talking about in the intro.</p></li>
<li><p>Use examples from multiple sources. You used two historical figures. Try using another example from a different subject: pop culture (i think they like those best), current science, sports, literature (they get kind of sick of those so only use one example), even movies and television. You can make up information as well. I recommend, if you like your examples, joining your Sir Isaac Newton and Anne Frank examples together and tightening your explanation on how they impacted history—i.e Newton’s discovery of gravity and motions). Apart they don’t seem strong enough to stand alone. </p></li>
</ul>
<p>If i wrote this essay, I would have talked about inoculation (vaccination) and how Ulysses S. Grant during the civil war made an example of himself to his men by inoculating himself with small pox virus. (Essentially what they did was cut a wound in their arm and smeared small pox pus from already infected victims. By exposing their bodies to the virus early on they had a better chance at survival to fight it off and create immunity). As a General by inoculating himself, during a time where the notion of vaccination was quite new, he convinced other men to do so in the Union army and therefore saved more people from small pox. —> You might think this example is weak, sorry I just threw it together. I don’t know if that example would be any better.</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Always put your BEST example first. The readers actually have a clicker, and for everything you did right (including putting you best example first) will receive a click. It’s ridiculous, but they do it. </p></li>
<li><p>You don’t need to be fancy so long as you explicitly state your reasons. </p></li>
</ul>
<p>I would give your essay a 3 or 4 (and if another reader gave it a 3-4 your score would be a 6-7). </p>