Grade my SAT essay please!!!

<p>Prompt:
“What man calls civilization always results in deserts. Man is never on the square – he uses up the fat and greenery of the earth. Each generation wastes a little more of the future with greed and lust for riches.”</p>

<p>Don Marquis</p>

<p>Assignment:
With our modern awareness of ecology are we likely to make sufficient progress in conservation, or are we still in danger of damaging the earth beyond repair? Plan your response, and then write an essay... </p>

<pre><code>In our world today pleasing others is an essential part of life. Without pleasing others one will not be very sucsessful no matter what profession it's in. In order to please people there are often harmful consequences. With our modern awareness of ecology we are capable of making sufficent progress in conservation of our enviorment but we choose not to or to simply take a more ambigious route.

Arthur Miller, the author of The Crucible magnificently portrays how humans have a natural tendancy towards pleasing others. In the play, the protagonist John Proctor is accused of witchcraft and is sentenced to be hanged. John Proctor loves his life dearly and wants to live to see his yet to be born baby. Despite the fact that Proctor wanted to live, he refuses to declare himself guilty. Declaring oneself guilty was an escape route that many took during the Salem Witch Trials because it automaticly removed the death penalty. John Proctor wanted to admit to witchcraft but didn't because he wanted his family to be proud of him. Arthur Miller illustrates how difficult it is to do certain things because of our attraction of pleasing others.

One of the most popular Pakistani presidents of all time was President Musharaf. He was the president of Pakistan during the 9/11 attacks and endured both the good and bad events that took place in Pakistan at the time. Musharaf had to fight a lot for his spot as President and he always tried to do the best for the country. After the 9/11 attacks Musharaf was put in a complicated situation. The United States of America had asked Pakistan for support in fighting the War on Terror. The United States of America was a key ally for Pakistan and loosing the U.S as an allie would mean economic disaster. Musharaf gave full support towards the War on Terror and gained massive funding from the U.S. Despite receiving funding from the U.S, the Pakistani public was not pleased. They felt like a War on Terror would be a war against the brothers of Pakistan. After numerous riots and protests, Musharaf was forced to resign. Because Musharaf didn't look to please other people he had to suffer disasterous consequences.

My friend named Chang is originally from China, but he has lived his whole life in the United States and is a U.S national. Last year was his last year of highschool and he was exploring various options including going to college aswell as joining the army. His heart was set on joining the army but he knew that his parents would not be pleased. His parents were very patriotic, and joining the army of another country would be like burning a chinese flag to his parents. Chang was unable to join the army despite having a passion for it because he wanted to please his parents.

John Proctor and Chang both wanted to do something but were prevented from doing it because it would have made others unhappy. I also learned how destructive it can be when you make a decision that makes others unhappy by observing the former Pakistani president. In life we often want to do things but we cant because we do not want to make others unhappy. Similarily many want to conserve our enviorment but often conserving our enviorment puts constraints on pleasing other.
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<p>bump please</p>

<p>bumpppp pleaseeee</p>

<p>You may very well get a “0” on this essay because you don’t address the thesis topic. The essay is not about pleasing others, but rather about whether our future actions (as a society) will help repair the environment or cause it to degrade further. The notion that “pleasing others” has something to do with the environment is far fetched. The Crucible has nothing to do with the environment, nor do the examples from Mushaf’s presidency, nor the actions of your friend.</p>

<p>0
i agree with fogcity. u mentioned ecology in 1 sentence in the introduction. then you switched to a totally different topic. if you write this in an actual SAT test, the essay readers will read your intro and throw it aside.
btw, if the topic was actually about pleasing others, your point with The Crusible is not a well written one. I just read the play for school during the summer and John Proctor did not deny witchcraft because he wanted his family to be proud of him. He didn’t do it because he wanted his pride. I know that in an SAT essay, you can stretch the fact a little and even make up your own stories, but in well known plays and other wellknown facts, like something famous in history, you shouldn’t change anything, because even though the essay graders shouldn’t take off points for inaccuracies but rather grade by supporting strength, the inaccuracy will give the grader a bad taste if he’she knows the book of the history really well and are bothered by it. just fyi. GL.</p>