Assignment: Should people make more decisions on their own and rely less on the advice of experts?
People should always listen to what experts have to say, especially in dangerous situations. In spite of all te information provided by the internet, expers still are the most reliable source of advice.
For example, a friend of mine started one day to feel ill. He knew that something was wrong with him, but he refused to go to a doctor when I told him to do so. He found a ‘‘treatment’’ on the internet, but his condition did not improve at all. In fact, he started to feel pain in the lower back area, and he was feeling worse by day. He continued to refuse to go see a doctor untill one day, when the pain was so intense that he had no choice but to go to the hospital. The doctors diagnosed him with gall stones, and he had an emergency surgery to remove them. Thankfully, the surgery was successfull, and he was out in just a few days. Had he gone to see a doctor sooner, his problem would have been solved much sooner.
Clearly, a health professional should always be the one to detect and treat your illness, since self diagnosis is not reliable and can even be dangerous. It is the same for every other field - experts are called ‘‘experts’’ for a reason, and their advice should never be taken lightly.
I would give this essay a 5 or 6 out of 12. The introduction needs to introduce some of the evidence you are using. The essay is also quite short, and there a few grammar mistakes. The fact that there was only one example used will not increase your score either. Finally, if you are going to stick to fewer examples, try to make them stronger by using literary or historical examples rather than anecdotes.
I think you have a good foundation and nice sentence structure. Your essay however is lacking depth, both in the examples used and the length. I’d give it a 3/6 simply because it’s very clear, but try memorizing key examples from history, literature, or current world news/events to include in your essay. That way it’ll be longer and it’ll have more supporting examples.
I think the essay is decent but needs more depth. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think you can simply make up historical supporting facts in your essay. A made up fact is better than an anecdote. It kinda just sounds like you’re telling story. For this essay, going on about a few business men or political leaders going with their “gut” versus advice from pundits would be good examples.
Yes, @natajacobson74 , you can make up your examples, but making up historical facts is kind of difficult. I barely managed to write this essay in the 25 time limit, so I wouldn’t have enough time to make up a relevant, credible and compatible historical example unless I have an unexpected epiphany. Anyway, thanks for replying.
@Serd213 You should try to incorporate 3 examples into your essay. In total, aim for 5 paragraphs, but you don’t have to make each of them as long as your one body paragraph you wrote here. How would you do this?