So the first time I took the SAT I got an 80 on the writing MC and 8 on the essay and I got the same score when I wrote another essay for college board’s free online practice test.
Here it is (I know it’s pretty bad for a normal English class essay):
In our interconnected day and age, privacy is often an esoteric gem – something to be treasured when found. We live in such a globalized society that much of anything we do is out in the open. This can be beneficial, for example when sharing ideas and innovations, but also equally – if not, more–dangerous at the same time. This people should make more of an effort to keep some things private. In fact, this statement has proven to be true throughout history.
History has shown the world that certain things ought to remain private. For instance, during World War I, a battle, which became known as Antietam, served as a crippling defeat for the Confederate Army against the Union. Strangely enough, before this battle, the Confederates, under the excellent leadership of Robert E. Lee, were scoring victories upon victories against the Union. However, Lee’s battle plans for the Battle of Antietam had been leaked to the Union Army, and thus, allowed for a Union victory. As can be seen, if Robert E. Lee’s battle plans had been kept private, as they should have been, the Confederates would not have lost to the Union Army.
All in all, it is indeed true that some things ought to remain private. As evidence send through history, during the Battle of Antietam, privacy could have saved the Confederate Army from a crushing defeat. Therefore, though publicity can be beneficial sometimes, there are certain times when it is crucial to keep some things away from the wrong hands.
What would u score this as and what should I do to improve? The essay is the one things thats weighing my score down 