Grade my two essays please?

<p>Thanks!</p>

<p>If people worked less, would they be more creative and active during their free time?</p>

<p>Working hours are not closely tied to the creativity and activity of people’s free time. Creative and active people will be creative and active in their free time, regardless of the length of their working hours. So if people worked less, they would not be more creative and active. This is evident in many aspects.
Whilst many parts of the world are campaigning for better rights for employees or increased minimum wage, one factor of work has been disregarded-the length of working hours. Undoubtedly, the length of working hours has increased in the past decades, something that has slipped under the radar, as people are content with getting paid for what they work for. Yet, has creativity diminished? The past decade has witnessed major breakthroughs in many departments, such as medical, electronics and cinematic. Deadly diseases, for example cancer, have had a dramatic increase in survival percentage. Computers have molded themselves into an integral part of every workplace, home and even in airports and coffee shops. Intel has outdone itself many fold, its last release, the intel graphics 4000, is almost 100% more efficient than its predecessor. The Ipad, Iphone, Itouch are now commonly seen, the technology incorporated was unimaginable in the 20th century. 3D films feature on every half-decent cinema, a break-through symbolized by the astounding visual effects of Avatar, a movie that has earned worldwide recognition as the progenitor of 3D movies. Has creativity diminished? The world has never seemed to stop sprouting new and creative inventions.
A problem called obesity has spread in many parts of the world, most notably in the US. While it seems to have a positive correlation with the increase of working hours, it is, in fact, completely irrelevant to the length of working hours. An educational video called supersize me revolves around the downsides of fastfood, the most popular food in the world. The host takes on the challenge of eating nothing but fast food for a month. The result is a transformation of a model person of health, to one susceptible to diabetes, liver cancer and heart attack. Activity during one’s free time cannot be characterized by the average obesity of the world’s population, as that problem is actually due to the increase of fastfood consumption.
Working hours will influence one’s free time, but working less will not increase the creativity and activity of one’s free time. This is clearly shown through the advance of world technology and the irrelevant correlation of obesity and working hours.</p>

<p>Does every individual have an obligation to think seriously about important matters, even when doing so may be difficult?</p>

<p>Being able to concentrate and think seriously about important matters is a virtue, one that should be grasped, as its rewards outweigh the costs immensely. Thinking seriously about important matters is what leads to break-through and possible revolutions in a field.
Philosophy used to be the most coveted and recognized subject, and still is, but in another form. Philosophy used to be a must learn subject, in many cultures a path to success, and still is, but in the form of Math. Philosophy has been continuously molded and shaped, and in the current society, takes the form of Math. Philosophy is the art of serious thinking of contemporary events as well as life. The modern day Philosophy trains the mind to think logically, one of the most useful skills that we ever learn in life. This is partly proved in the amount of attention Math receives at all levels of the education hierarchy. The other part is that logical thinking is an integral part of Physics, Engineering, Economics and myriad of other subjects. Logical thinking and seriously thinking are certainly crucial in determining one’s career path, and ultimately one’s life.
Bill Gates and Warren Buffet were once asked to write what they thought was the most useful skill to master. They wrote the exact same word, letter for letter, concentration. Concentration is essentially what separates casual thinking and serious thinking, casual, without concentration and serious, with concentration. The fascination not only lies in the occurrence that both wrote the same word, but rather in the occurrence that they are, perhaps, the most successful duo the world has ever seen. One runs the most famous company in the world. The other is at the zenith of all economists, present and past. If the most successful people in the world recognize that concentration, the art of serious thinking, is the seed of success, then serious thinking must, indeed, be a crucial skill that every individual should undertake.
Thinking seriously about important matters is a recognized skill in the past and present. It is a skill that can pave the path to a successful and fulfilling life, while ignoring it could prove to be more than costly. If Bill Gates and Warren Buffet think thinking seriously is important, what more can be said?</p>

<p>The first essay would in my opinion have recieved a 3/6. </p>

<p>For starters, you’re thesis could have been stronger by explaining why “Working hours are not closely tied to the creativity and activity of people’s free time”. Also, you have repeated the words creativity and activity way too many times in the first paragraph.</p>

<p>Moving on to your examples, I felt like the first one was good but that the second was unrelated to the prompt. Also I would suggest focusing on only one example per paragraph instead of mentioning several ones.</p>