Grade my essay please?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

If people worked less, would they be more creative and active during their free time?

If people worked less,they would be more creative and active during their free time. The pressure and stress of work hinders the creativity of humans. Some of the world’s greatest inventions and laws of science were found because those people had free time and let their minds think out side the box.

The Wright brothers invented the air plane, because they let their minds wander towards the sky. They both had work, but not too much, so they let their minds’ create. Their minds lead them to the creation of the air plane. If the Wright brothers did not have free time, then would we be flying in air planes?

Newton discovered the law of gravity in his free time sitting under a tree. When the apple fell on his head, it got him thinking. His mind thought many different questions that lead to the discovery of gravity. If he had a lot of work and the stress that came with it, then it would have taken man a longer time to discover gravity and other laws of physics.

One should not ponder heavily on work all the time. They should let their minds be free so that we may discover new and great things in life.

2

I would say this essay is a 3, totaling to a cumulative score of 6.

The first thing you did in your essay is that you repeated the prompt. Please don’t do that in the future. You could begin by what defines creativity and free time, then go on to develop your thesis. This is what is known as a funnel intro.

http://moodle.bryan.k12.oh.us/pluginfile.php/4067/mod_resource/content/0/RecipeforaFunnelIntro.pdf

Also, you have consistent grammar errors throughout your essay many of which include the spelling of “airplane” and “out side”; both of those words are one word.

Your details are very vague throughout the essay; example: “They both had work” What kind of work? Please try to include less cliche examples, and provide more varied evidence. Include historical evidence, and personal anecdotes if you can. Your vocabulary as well is very limited; try and use more apt vocabulary to persuade your reader. Remember, this is an argument essay. Include more details concerning each example. You may use the generic Intro, 3 Body Paragraphs and Conclusion as long as you describe them succinctly. Include more evidence.

Try also to include proper transitions. There is no transition between the Wright Brothers paragraph and the Newton paragraph; your writing doesn’t “flow”, so to speak.

Your conclusion is vague. Don’t ever include pronouns such as “them” “they” “their” before defining their antecedent. Who are you referring to?

Re-read the SAT scoring rubric for a 3, and think about the the advice I gave you (as well as what criteria is needed for a 6 essay):

SCORE OF 3

An essay in this category demonstrates developing mastery, and is marked by one or more of the following weaknesses:

-Develops a point of view on the issue, demonstrating some critical thinking, but may do so inconsistently or use inadequate examples, reasons, or other evidence to support its position
  • Is limited in its organization or focus, but may demonstrate some lapses in coherence or progression of ideas

-Displays developing facility in the use of language, but sometimes uses weak vocabulary or inappropriate word choice

-Lacks variety or demonstrates problems in sentence structure

-Contains an accumulation of errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics

Remember to constantly practice writing essays and always refer to the SAT rubric for essays.

As always, good luck! :slight_smile: Feel free to message me with any questions you may have as well.

3

Thank you!
That was very helpful.

4

No problem! :smiley: