Grade SAT Essay please

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hey could you ccers please grade my essay. I have put it into the online grader and it gave me a 12. However, I do not think a machine can grade my essay accurately. I would just like to hear what a real person would give me and any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.</p>

<p>Prompt </p>

<p>People's lives are the result of the choices they make—or fail to make. The path one takes in life is not arbitrary. Choices and their consequences determine the course of every person's life. All people, whatever their circumstances, make the choices on which their lives depend.</p>

<p>Are people's lives the result of the choices they make? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay </p>

<p>People's lives are made better or worse by the choices they make. Though some people do not have a choice to do something most, most people make certain decisions because they want to. Three celebrities in my generation support this idea. </p>

<p>Michael Vick, a famous and loved football quarterback, was recently charged for committing a crime. The crime he commited was gruesomely killing dogs that were weak and inadequate. Mike Vick was famous and rich, but he threw that all away for sponsoring a dogfighting event. If Mike Vick had made better choices, he would be making millions of dollars instead of spending millions of dollars on lawyer and court fees. Therefore, Mike Vick represents an example of a man whose life was shaped by his actions and deicsions. </p>

<p>Mike Tyson was a famous boxer and he is like a lion in a boxing match. No one matches his strength, agility, or speed. Mike Tyson was an extremely rich and loved boxer that had everything he could ever want. However, he ruined that life when he decided to make a bad choice, which was to rape a woman. He went to jail and lost millions of dollars for making a poor and ill advised decision. Mike Tyson was banned from boxing for the rest of his life and could no longer do what he loved over one lousy, stupid choice he made in his life. Mike Tyson is a prime example of a man who ruined his life over the decisions he decided to make throughout his life. </p>

<p>Finally, the all great and athletic Michael Jordan is a stellar example of a perfect man that made all the right choices unlike his peers who are Mike Vick and Mike Tyson. Unlike Vick and Tyson, Jordan focused on improving his skills in basketball, instead of committing criminal acts. Michael was not an idiot, he knew that if he got into legal trouble, his life, fame, and respect would be gone in a flash. Michael Jordan made all the right decisions and as a result of his decisions, he is one of the most successful men in the world. </p>

<p>Life choices are important in determing how successful you are going to be in life. If you decide to be idiots like Vick and Tyson by making bad decisions, prepare for a horrible future. However, if you decide to make good choices like Jordan did, prepare for a life filled with good fortunes. The choices you decide to make are crucial to how your life is in the present, future, and in the afterlife.</p>

2

<p>I would say an 11-12 depending on how the grader's take it.</p>

<p>I love the examples, the organization and structure. Also, you made it clear in every paragraph what side you took. One thing though, there is some informal language, or style (I can't really pin it down) that takes away from the flow. Its a bit choppy, just a bit, and could use a few meaningful vocabulary words.</p>

<p>Otherwise I would definitely give it a 12,</p>

3

<p>thanks a lot for the reply. I just wanted to make sure the online grader is accurate so from your response I'm guessing it is.</p>

4

<p>9/12 to 10/12... a little choppy because some sentences were short and could be combined (1st body paragraph)... also you repeated some things too much (i.e. "Mike Vick" "Mike Tyson" "decisions")... some opinions like that Tyson and Vick were "idiots" or that Jordan was a "perfect man" could be dumbed down a little (possibly replaced by like akahmed said, meaningful vocabulary words)... also first sentence of MJ paragraph is a slight run-on</p>

<p>besides that you made your point very clear and communicated it well</p>

<p>p.s. I just noticed that all 3 guys were Mike's lol (but only one will eat your children ;))</p>

5

<p>how do you access the online gradeR?</p>

6

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=391084%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=391084&lt;/a>
I honestly think that everyone should read this.</p>

7

<p>to ivyleague104...u have to pay for it to get it, it's part of the online SAT course that collegeboard offers.</p>

<p>to the essay: definitely not a 11-12...most likely 8-10
you have to improve ur sentence structure, like u can't always say Micheal Vick was that, he this, he that...Vary ur sentence structure and u will probably achieve a 11-12</p>

8

<p>grammar issues arise frequently. pay attention to the tense. you sometimes mix up past and present tense. Your examples are all similar. Show your knowledge by incorporating history or literature. For your prompt, i would have chosen thomas hardy's tess of the d'urbervilles novel.</p>

<p>i would say 10.</p>

9

<p>you could use more pronouns. However your length and examples guarantee >=10</p>

10

<p>you could use more pronouns. However your length and examples guarantee >=10</p>

11

Can u please grade my essay too. please please please

Choosing to live your life by your own choices is the greatest freedom you will have. Yet , it is not a freedom offered to everyone. Several examples from literary works and current events clearly demonstrate this.
In the novel 1984 by George Orwell, there is presence of a totalitarian government that has full control over its citizens. The party “Big Brother” successfully manipulates minds, history and technology to make the people believe anything it says , including 2+2=5. The people live abject lives with no family , friends or freedom.Every aspect of their life is decided by the party that additionally has cameras around the city to make sure no one goes against its decisions. Winston Smith, a rebel who defies the party is re-educated through brutal torture. Despite trying to make a choice to change his life , Winston later realizes that it was all in vain. After being punished , he becomes too scared to defy the party ever again. In the end, Winston returns to the slave life controlled by the party because he had been unable to make choices for himself.
Another example is demonstrated by the current situation in Nepal. In the far western region of the country, there is a ghastly social evil called “Chaupaddi” . Families that follow this system force their menstruating daughters to go sleep in the cowshed with a haystack as a bed because they are “impure”.Girls who cannot voice their opinions against this issue live alongside animals for five days in each month. More often than not , their blood attracts wild animals . There are also drunk men who are aware of the system wandering around looking for girls to violate. As a result , most of these lonely girls end up dead or assaulted simply because they could not make choices for themselves.
After a careful analysis of 1984 and the chaupaddi system , one can see that people cannot and do not often live life according to their own choices. Some people have to live life abiding by the rules laid out by someone else.