Grade this essay please.

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1

<p>Hey guys! I took all of your ideas and criticism to heart when I wrote this following essay. I did indeed flub some facts and the examples might be a little awkward because I was rather flustered when it came to thinking about examples, but I do consider it an improvement as a whole. Please rip this essay to shreds with anything you can nit-pick on.</p>

<p>Prompt:</p>

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"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."

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<p>
[quote]
Do you agree with Maya Angelou that it's pointless to complain?

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<p>My essay:</p>

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[quote]
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<p>Maya Angelou correctly states that complaining is indeed pointless. When one complains, he/she is is filled with futility, and the situation will undoubtedly get worse as you acquire a bad attitude. Instead one should persevere through times of trouble and refrain from complaining in order to achieve the goal. Several examples from 21st century literature, contemporary culture, and modern film demonstrate that complaining is unwise.</p>

<p>In the controversial memoir, "Battle Hymns of a Tiger Mother," Amy Chua, the author of the book, demonstrates though her own story and parenting that those who complain only fail. Growing up, Amy Chua was forced to endure racism in the her schooling career. She would often be marked down a grade for no inexplicable reason. When she confronted her parents, they reminded her of an ancient Chinese proverb, "complaining does nothing as you can't change others, only yourself." Heeding their advice, Amy stuck to diligently studying and would later produce work of such high caliber that would be incapable of not getting an "A"; Chua later went to Yale University and now teachers there. Therefore, Chua's memoir demonstrates that changing oneself is indeed better than complaining.</p>

<p>Likewise, the widespread reaction to changes in a website's functionality, specifically in Facebook, demonstrates that it was impossible to get better. Cera trudethat complaining will only yield bad results. In 2010, Facebook decided to radically change its layout and functionality, enraging the community to petition for charges. Irate users would complain to Facebook with one person even throwing a brick through the window of Facebook. As later stated, Facebook was contemplating on giving users a choice on the layout of the site, an action which would cost an extra 100 million dollars, but refrained from doing so because the ungrateful and churlish users complained. Thus, as shown through Facebook's decision against complaining dissenters complaining will only result in unwanted measures.</p>

<p>Similarly, in the movie "Superbad" starring Jonah Hill and Michael Cera, the action of both of the protagonists would demonstrate that complaining is indeed the worst possible choice. In the movie Hill and Cera look for beer to bring to a party; the problem is that they are underage. Hill attempts to rob a bystander, pull a fire-alarm, and even sneak into a stranger's house, but, alas, he failed. At that point, Hill gave up and started complaining. Cera trudged on throughout the night when while Hill continued to complain while following Cera. Cera ultimately finds beer while Hill is left empty-handed as he then starting complaining about his luck. Furthermore, Hill and Cera show that those who don't complain will ultimately be rewarded.</p>

<p>After careful examination of Amy Chua, the reaction to Facebooks changes, and "Superbad", one can indeed conclude that changng yourself of the situation is the best option. One should remember that while changing yourself or the situation might be tough, complaining will only produce futile results and characterize oneself as hotheaded and cross.</p>

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<p>Notes: This essay is very long and indeed fit in the space, but I did have to write smaller to include a larger conclusion. It also took the full 25 minutes.</p>

<p>If you read my essay, I commend you because it really is a chore writing it so I can't imagine reading it. Anyways, thanks once again!</p>

2

<p>This is just dying for to have a minute or two at the end and read through it, there are a lot of mistakes from rushing to make time, too many for it to be over looked. This is better than your other essays but it hasn’t improved enough for me to grade it higher than an 8 or 9.
Your intro is a lot better than before. I personally wouldn’t use the phrase “he/she” ever, though I’m not sure it is or isn’t correct. I would also try to mix up word choice you use “one” and “oneself” a lot. It doesn’t sound good.
You didn’t introduce your 2 of your body paragraphs. “Likewise” and “similarly” can’t begin your paragraph. If you are going to use them don’t make them their own paragraph just throw it in with the first one, it will have the same effect.
The conclusion is better. I personally don’t like the format, but that’s just me</p>

<p>Gain time somewhere and look over this at the end. If you were to just scan through this at the end you would be able to spot enough quick (but serious) grammar errors and fix them enough for it to be a 10.</p>

3

<p>Seriously, I don’t understand what you mean by your comment on using “likewise” and “similarly”. Those are just transition words that further facilitate cohesiveness. You can’t use… really sounds close-minded. I asked for the criticism and I got it, but I really don’t understand that comment. Expound.</p>

<p>Thank you for the criticism though. I am in no way being defensive; I’m just perplexed.</p>

<p>EDIT: Also. Most of the grammatical errors were typos. Aside from those syntactical errors and misspellings, would that change your grade for my essay?</p>

4

<p>It’s fair to question it, I don’t see you as defensive.
I’ve always been told by my English teachers those are no no words for paragraph beginnings. It might be correct, but the way I’ve been thought is that it’s very incorrect. There are ways to open paragraphs with those words, but you aren’t doing it. I use the word can’t in the same way elementary school teachers mean it when they say “you can’t begin a sentence with because,” you can but you aren’t going to do it correctly.
Your topic sentences that began with the transitions were wordy and had verbs in the incorrect tense.</p>

5

<p>I can see where you are coming from.</p>

6

<p>I agree with bandgeek1 in that there are quite a few syntactical errors.</p>

<p>However, I have always been told that it is a GOOD idea to include words such as “likewise, additionally, similarly, etc.” as beginnings to paragraphs. They also save quite a bit of time in writing the essays.</p>

<p>I would give this an 11-12; the examples are perfect, and there is nothing content-wise that is an issue with the writing. One of your two readers might be miffed because of the grammatical mistakes and give you a 5, but in an ideal world, this essay would get a 12.</p>

7

<p>Wow. What a generous grade, Medtrip.</p>

<p>Thank you for your insight. If you can, please take a look at my other essays and offer your opinions!</p>

8

<p>You would probably get 9-11. You gave three good examples… the content was fine. Then again, I have no clue what an essay grader might think of it.</p>