Grade this essay please !

<p>Does a lack of knowledge cause conflict ?
Misunderstandings are always caused by a lack of information on either or both sides . However, conflicts are caused by a difference in beliefs. When someone's personal beliefs get entangled with this lack of information, the problem can escalate. In such situations, people take for granted what they know to be the truth, and when their beliefs are questioned, issues get created. Examples of such situations can be taken from the experiences of Galileo, those involved in stem cell research,as well as people who support Nazism.
When Galileo Galilei,a famous scientist, theorized that the earth moves around the sun, he was ridiculed by many . However , when the aristocracy got to know about this,they started persecuting him and threatened him until he was forced to unwillingly recind his statement.Lack of knowledge about planetary motions created an issue between the church and Galileo ; an issue which the church did not take back even when presented with adequate proof.
A similar situation has occurred more recently with stem cell research . In this type of research ,genes from eggs of unborn babies are used for creating several brilliant reproductions of human tissue , some of which have enabled paralysed people to walk again. However, some people , including many in the chruch, have opposed this issue on the grounds that taking the genes from the eggs is equivalent to killing babies. This situation,once again shows how people who lacked adequate scientific knowledge on the issue ,still fought those who were helping society . They did this regardless of the fact that they were not really in a position to argue with people who had more knowledge on the issue than they did.
Another example of such conflicts can be taken from the rise of the ideology called Nazism . This ideology states that people with a certain skin colour were superior to others in terms of intelligence , knowledge and character as well . This fallacy still has a group of supporters regardless of the fact that there is no evidence to prove it.
From the examples given above, it is seen that a lack of knowledge is one of the main factors in creating conflicts , but it is in fact a person's beliefs, which he refuses to let go of ,that causes serious issues. If people were to expand their horizons and let go of their narrow mindedness, such issues will slowly but definitely cease to exist .</p>

<p>Take a look at this essay:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1505185-grade-my-essay-please.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1505185-grade-my-essay-please.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>You might want to pick more objective examples! Your tone and “support” in the paragraph about stem cells seemed a little too subjective. I would also go for a literary example if you can (maybe instead of science). Also with every paragraph, I would connect it back to answering the question on a deeper level; not just that it evidences it, but what that evidence means! You had a a very strong closing. Keep up the good work! (9/12)</p>

I think your essay is perfect, including your examples. But you couls add more depth to your examples. Remember the sat values depth of examples more then quantity. Choose an example that can be elaborated, in this case i would choose animal farm. Or reduce the number of examples to two. Overall i think it deserves an 8 or 9