<p>real talk, op, lift weights. Srs. It’s an amazing confidence booster.</p>
<p>+1 to the confidence booster comment. If you prefer working out at home like I do, look into P90x.</p>
<p>posture, boy, posture.</p>
<p>Excelblue–do self-help books really work for social skills? I honestly never knew any good ones existed. If such books do then that’s good news to me.</p>
<p>“Stop putting ■■■■■ on a pedestal” (40 year old virgin).</p>
<p>How can I be comfortable with myself if nobody else is comfortable with me?</p>
<p>People aren’t comfortable with you because you aren’t comfortable with yourself.</p>
<p>(This assumes you don’t have horrible B.O. or something… In that case, you fix the problem.)</p>
<p>In my observations, it seems men are luckier in this regard than women, in that women are more likely to overlook appearance in favor of a good personality, intelligence, humor, career success and other such attributes. I have seen it many times. But men seem more fixated on looks. </p>
<p>So try not to let what you feel is a less than ideal appearance influence your view of yourself too much.</p>
<p>Having said that, my husband has an acquaintance who bemoans his inability to get a girlfriend. And he is not ugly. But I see right away that he just has a “dorky” look about him. Sometimes just a few simple changes like hair or clothes can make a person look more attractive, but people are usually too polite to say anything. So see if that might apply to you. (If you want to PM me and send me a photo I’d be happy to help you!) You sound like a nice guy and I’m sure your sensitive, thoughtful nature will get you a nice girl in the long run. Don’t get discouraged!</p>
<p>That begs the question: why do you have to change your appearance blah blah blah (unless you’re overweight)</p>
<p>By appearance, I believe that momnan meant “physical features that cannot be changed.”</p>
<p>I suggest you seek counseling if you truly can’t be comfortable with yourself. Its importance far transcends meeting girls.
And dw. I’ve done…stuff…with girls but I feel lonely 75% of the time. I’m sure most single guys feel the same way.</p>
<p>Right, perhaps I didn’t express it clearly - but I meant many women can accept a less than perfect intrinsic appearance (eg. short or even fat)- but they usually do still appreciate a man who is well-groomed and decently dressed. </p>
<p>Not saying you have to make huge changes, but sometimes just a little tweak (longer or shorter hair, different glasses) can make you look more appealing, and give you more confidence, so you can relax more around women. Though I have a strong feeling that you probably don’t look as bad as you think! And if you have a good sense of humor and are kind and considerate, that will do a lot more to impress most women than perfect looks - at least once they get to know you.</p>
<p>As for finding women - there must be a club that interests you that has women members. Or just in daily life - at the supermarket, bus stop, gym, library, museum…I know it’s really hard to strike up a conversation sometimes, but try just an offhand remark, and if it starts something - great, if not, try not to attach too much importance to it.</p>
<p>I wanted to reply to this thread when it came out, but for some reason, I couldn’t access CC on my comp and kept getting a “server is too busy response”.</p>
<p>Sigh, I truly feel like I’m going to end up like this guy, but and nick_scheu’s advice is exactly what you should do I guess since I’ve seen it work.</p>
<p>But I don’t want to do nick’s advice because then it is like admitting to myself that this is all some kind of game and that seems lame to me. Why does it have to be a game? Why are there all these complex signals being thrown around. The only time I like dealing with complex signals is during my major (EECS), beyond that why do people have to make life so complicated.</p>
<p>If you like a girl and she likes you back, why can’t people just be blunt and honest and upright about it and declare it to each other? Why do there have to be so many signals and “messages” and “signs” being sent around that you have play patiently until both of you figure out you like each other.</p>
<p>I wish there was a girl out there who just wanted to be blunt, honest, and upright about everything, a girl that understands that life is complicated as it is already with everyone trying to survive in this capitalistic society and what’s the point of complicating it more with these relationship games.</p>
<p>Don’t get me wrong, romance is great and I love watching romance and romantic comedies, but in real life there isn’t always time for that but that doesn’t mean that there can’t be love or affection without these games.</p>
<p>Sigh I apologize for the rant but I just feel we as human beings make things wayyyy more complicated than they need to be and I guess I just see that as annoying. Why can’t all human beings just be honest and blunt with each other? “I don’t know about love, but all I know is I care for you so much that I would sacrifice some or all of my life’s joys to make you happy and I’ll be sure to note the status of your health at any given time and deal with it accordingly if it seems to be deteriorating. Also I will go out of my way to show you the magnitude of my affection”. Aren’t those things I just listed what true love is all about? Why does it have to be more complicated than that?</p>
<p>Honestly I think I’d rather stay a loveless virgin my entire life if it truly is that hard or complicated to find that one woman you want to spend the rest of your life with.</p>
<p>I also don’t agree with the advice nick_sheu and others have given here. Teasing me back-and-forth with half-insults/compliments is more likely to make me irritated and just confused as to whether you actually like me or not. Just be yourself and say what you feel. I think the point they were getting at is to not seem completely desperate, as if your entire life hinges on the outcome of your conversation with the girl you’re talking to (even if you feel like it does), which I would say is good advice, as that turns everyone off, not just girls. But don’t play games either. Just be yourself, relax and hope that the other person likes you for who you are. If they don’t, then don’t see it as a rejection, but brush it off and try not to let if affect you, because in the grand scheme of things, that person is totally unimportant to you. Just remember that.</p>
<p>However, if there’s one thing nick_sheu said that I completely agree with, it’s that you need to be comfortable with yourself. Have confidence in yourself and take pride in what you do, whether it’s stuff that’s typically nerdy like dungeons and dragons or something “cool.” Trust me on this, as an average looking, fairly nerdy girl who is also dateless and hasn’t kissed anyone yet. I’ve realized that after years of struggling to fit in, once I became more comfortable and confident in myself and my nerdiness and my other awesome qualities, that more people began to like me, and <em>more</em> importantly, I began to like myself a lot more. It hasn’t led to any dates yet, but more friends for sure :)</p>
<p>Also, I agree that appearance and physical features aren’t everything. For example: in one of my classes this year, there was a GSI that I thought was pretty hot and I was mildly disappointed when I didn’t get him for my section. The GSI for my section isn’t typically attractive, and at first glance I didn’t really think much of him. But by the end of the second section, I thought he was attractive because of his PERSONALITY: he was super funny, intelligent, easy-to-talk-to, and nice. So Dateless, if people like your personality and click with it, then they’ll like you regardless of your physical appearance–this goes for both guys and girls. And this is where confidence comes in. They’ll be less drawn to the awesome aspects of your personality if <em>you</em> are not confident in them yourself.</p>
<p>And I would try joining a social justice/service club on campus that interests you. There are a ton of them, and speaking from personal experience, there are usually way more girls than guys in these clubs, so definitely plenty of opportunities find friends who are girls, at the very least.</p>
<p>Also, as for this:</p>
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<p>I’m a girl and I like people who are honest and forthright (though obviously not so blunt to the point of being a jerk). I think that last paragraph that you wrote is waaay more romantic than any dating games people have mentioned so far. Although, I wouldn’t exactly mention “sacrificing my life’s joys” on the first date, but once you’ve been dating for awhile, then go for it.</p>
<p>hey diivio, meet nillawafer. boom, matchmaker.</p>
<p>LOL diivio and nillawafer are a match made in heaven. </p>
<p>The sexiest Cal girls, to me at least, are the confidently nerdy ones. I tend to stay away from the ones with no personality and bland as a stick.</p>
<p>Lol, with no disrespect intended to diivio or anyone else, I’m not exactly interested in dating <em>anyone</em> right now. I hardly have time to do all this frigging work for my classes let alone date anyone…but thanks for the matchmaking opps guys. Appreciate it. :)</p>
<p>As a girl in the EECS major (trust me, we exist), I find that the biggest turn-off of EECS guys is arrogance. The amount of arrogance that just flooooooows off some of the guys I know in EECS is astounding. Of course, sometimes it has a basis in truth, but goddamn it is irritating as hell. This is where I don’t particularly agree some of the advice being given here. Since when was acting superior attractive? I personally hate it when I get the feeling that the other person thinks he (or she) is better than me. Why would I want to date such a person?</p>
<p>And for your information there are loads of girls who are into nerdy things like Starcraft and D&D etc. 
It’s not necessarily a turn-off, though I guess that depends on your target group. If you’re only looking for hums girls… that may be a different story.</p>
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<p>^This. Speaking as a girl in the social sciences, I’ve also found that some engineering students have really condescending attitudes when speaking to people within the humanities or social science departments. And that’s a turn-off. Yes, I realize you must be pretty smart to be able to do well as an EECS student. No, I probably couldn’t do what you’re doing in your classes, even to save my life. That doesn’t mean I’m inferior to you or that my humanities classes are a piece of cake. Writing long research papers isn’t exactly easy either.</p>
<p>Also, guessin ‘hums’ stands for humanities? Not sure what else it could be. But if it is, then there are definitely people who are into nerdy things in the humanities majors too. You just have to be on the lookout for them. But I understand that it can be hard to find those people, because you wouldn’t know it just by looking at them. I talk far more about my love of politics, for example, to aquaintances than my interest in dorky things like old cartoon shows or anime.</p>
<p>Honestly even if the OP never gets someone now, does it really matter? Who died and became king of declaring that not getting a date as an undergrad means your romantic life is forever doomed. Maybe you aren’t smart enough to handle having both an avid romantic social life while trying to excell academically so that you can secure your future or achieve your life goals (which is a big reason people go to college). I know I might not be (Of course there is a way to balance both, but that’s not always easy and depends on the person). </p>
<p>OP, I can guarantee you’ll probably meet women in grad school, or at your future work place, or at some random function or activity in your future adult life who you’ll click with, and since you’ll both be independent adults, your level of maturity will be much higher and then time you guys spent together will be much more meaningful than some one night stand you could have as an undergrad. Now I realize some people do have nice meaningful relationships in their undergrad years and I’m not dissing on those people. I’m just saying not everyone HAS to have the same life outcomes and circumstances and there is no one solution fits all. </p>
<p>All will be well OP. If not, in five years (actually I’m only a sophomore and intend on grad school so make it 8) if you ever figure out who I am, come to my future area of residence (or box if I somehow end up jobless), and punch me in the face saying “you were wrong Diivio”.</p>
<p>PS: @nillawafer: thanks for complementing my last paragraph :P</p>