I started my first day of my third semester today but got news when it was over that my grandma passed away. Her causes were sepsis, pneumonia, and several strokes in the past that made it difficult for her to function afterwards. I knew this was gonna happen because she was in a nursing home for a while due to her conditions. She was 75 and could of lived another 20-25 years. I attend her funeral on Monday and hope that I can get documentation for my professors to show that she passed away so I can turn in any homework that I couldn’t turn in due to my absence. This devastating because i had a family member pass away last year and that caused interference with my schoolwork and caused bad grades.
I fear that i will get so depressed that it’ll be hard to focus. I am seeing a therapist but he doesn’t specialize in grief and there is no therapy on campus but there is a Student success professional that can hopefully point me to some resources. What do I do to move forward? The only family I have left is my Brother and mom but don’t speak to my uncle, cousin, or biological father. I don’t know what to do to feel happy.
I’m sorry if I seem immature like I was in some of my old threads but I want my life to get better and for me to continue to do better with school.
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s really tough that you have to deal with the chaos of a new semester on top of the sudden grief.
Professors usually try to be accommodating with this kind of extenuating circumstance. Contact them in advance to let them know of the absence and, if needed, ask for extensions on assignments.
I hope the student success professional can help you out with finding resources. You might also be able to ask your therapist for a referral? Not sure how that works.
Keep on top of drop deadlines. It might be better to take W’s (totally understandable with the context) over something like F’s or D’s.
Hey there, you still have a bit of a journey ahead of you, but look at it this way: your grandma would have wanted you to graduate. I had something rather devastating happen my final semester of college. It wasn’t a loss, but my grandmother was involved in a hit & run with a big rig. She was hospitalized for several months and was lucky that he was run over in a way that was non-fatal. This really caused my work to suffer in some classes. I just wasn’t dedicating as much time as I should have and my performance in those classes suffered. I was stress eating. Seek help if you need it. I suffered a double loss very early on in my life - the passing of my grandfather and great-grandfather in the same week. I must have been in 3rd grade, but it messed me up and I had to start seeing the school psychologist. The only thing that got me through my final semester was that I knew how badly my grandfather and grandmother wanted me to graduate college. The kicker is that my grandma was released from the hospital the day after commencement at USC. She will still bed ridden, so it’s unlikely she would have made it to the ceremony anyway, but she was so happy knowing that I was the first person in the family to graduate. It’s going to be tough, but just try to think that your family only wants the best for you; that’s what I used as my motivation and coping mechanism
I can’t help you with counseling resources but perhaps the therapist you are seeing can help you or give you suggestions of someone to speak to who specializes in grief.
In terms of any assignments due Monday I’d suggest you email your professors in advance and let them know why you won’t be in class and agree on a time when you can hand in your homework or perhaps see if you can email the assignment to them. If you do things upfront people are generally understanding of a situation like yours.
Try to remember the happy times with your grandmother. Know in your heart that she would not want you to grieve for her in a way that would hurt your future. Try to honor her by focusing on your schoolwork and being the best person and the best student you can be.
As a very last resort, If you find you absolutely can’t focus on school then consider a semester leave. But you have come a long way in a positive direction and personally I’d hate to see you leave school if you can handle things.
You probably don’t need documentation. What you need to do is email your professors NOW. You don’t need to provide a lot of information, but let them know that you will be away from school for whatever days you will be gone because you grandma passed away (not sure how close you live). Ask if it is okay to turn in your homework a few days late because of this, and make up anything you miss in class later on. Profs have/had grandmas, too. They get it, as long as you let them know. Telling them now instead of later helps them give you any info you need, and will make them more likely to give you some accommodation for this.
I know this is sad for you, but it sounds like your grandmother has been pretty ill. It doesn’t sound like her life was very comfortable (several strokes can be really debilitating). I’d assume she would want you to do well in school and move forward, not lose the thread of your recent academic progress. That is what most grandparents would want for their grandkids. She would not want to derail your schooling. This is where you need to try to be resilient and continue to get your work done.
Even if your therapist doesn’t specialize in grief, I’m sure he deals with it a lot in his patients. So discuss it with him.
Is there anything your grandma really liked to do before she got sick? Like read or garden or something like that? Maybe you could look for a way to volunteer in your community in some way that might have been meaningful to her, in her honor. That is a way to take some action without getting bogged down in your grief.
I guess in summary, try to figure out what you can do that would have made your grandma proud. Moving forward on your degree and doing something in her memory seem like possible ways to do that.
@bodangles is grandma considered an immediate family member if the worst case scenario did happen for something like an academic or financial aid appeal?
I could also drop and take a semester leave before withdrawls become neccesarry or the impacts of bad grades happen.
OP, this is going to harsh, but I’m going to say it. From previous posts here, it sounds like you are struggling in school. “I didn’t do good in my first semster of college because I got a D in math and withdrew from English and then I did better my second semester even though I got a C in history.”
Were you close to your grandmother such that it would reasonably affect your grades? Many, many kids have these kinds of losses in college. I don’t mean to downplay this for you, but at the same time I think you need to evaluate whether you may need to attend to your own health. You said you are seeing a therapist but that they aren’t a specialist in grief. I don’t think you need to see a specialist in grief. I think if you are going to need more time off from school other than for attending the funeral, you should talk to your therapist and someone at school about that.
@suzy100 well I don’t live close to where my grandma did live right now but I did live near her for most of my life but I moved away from that town 2 years ago and since then only had seen her when I drove down there. I was close to her all my life and still consider that we were close. I understand that many students go through this in college and almost everybody experiences a loss of a loved one at some point in there life but i think it’s normal to be concerned If this will impact me when nothing regarding school performance has happened yet.
For the immediate future: email your professors now with the information and if you have a link to the funeral home or obituary include that as documentation. Since it’s the beginning of the semester, there’s probably not an exam or anything you’ll need to reschedule, but if there’s homework due on Monday, attach the completed work to your email and promise to bring a hard copy to class when you return.
For the longer term, talk to your therapist and seek out any other counseling you think you might need. If the grandmother is the parent of someone in your family who you’re speaking with, you can be supportive to that person (if she was your mother’s parent, for instance, you might want to focus on supporting your mother in her grief).
I’m sorry for your loss. I would talk to your therapist about your grief. Maybe they can help or help find you a grief support group.
Besides your loss you sound very positive compared to your old posts. I’m glad for that. Grief is hard and more so because the sadness manifests itself in such unexpected ways and unexpected times. But it can also be a time to grow and mature and appreciate the good things of the past and present. I wish you well.
I am sorry to hear about your grandmother. You should definitely meet with a counselor at your college and let them know what you are dealing with.
In life many things happen unexpectedly that we are not prepared for but we still have to get up every morning and take care of our responsibilities. From what you have described in your previous posts I feel you need to stay focused on your goals and not let anything keep you from attaining them. Your education is important for your future and my concern would be that if you were to stop that would delay in you achieving your goal of having a better life for yourself. You know best what you are capable of but wouldn’t it be best to focus all your energy on doing something that will benefit you and keep you focused on doing something positive versus thinking negative thoughts and reflecting on the past. I think your grandmother would want you to move forward in your life and be the best that you can be. She would want you to take positive steps towards your future. There will be many distractions along the way to getting your degree but it takes a lot of courage and self discipline to keep moving forward to do what is best for you and your future. You know yourself best and the decision in regards to what to do is in your hands. From what you have written in the past I feel you need to be proactive in taking steps to get your life in order. Life is a rollercoaster ride but we need to do our best to stay on track and keep working towards a better future.
I can drop by the end of next Monday and withdrawl by the end of April 14th. It’s not just meeting SAP for financial aid I’m worried about but meeting the yearly credit completion requirement for state financial aid.
First thing: email all your professors, explain you’ll be at the funeral of a close family member, will bring the funeral note if requested*, and will miss class Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. You’ll need that time to breathe. It’s likely you’ll be stunned and then devastated by grief. No one can tell you how long it’ll last or how all-encompassing that grief will be. You must see a therapist, your regular one may point you to someone who specializes in grief.
Now, an issue is sap - email financial aid with a subject heading such as “death in family, withdrawal, and sap” and explain your situation.
*Most wouldn’t but it’s a good idea to have some proof.
I too was thinking about the issue of financial aid. That would be a concern. You don’t want to run out of that support before you are able to complete your degree. Do whatever works best for you.
If i were to drop all my classes and I already got books, would I have to return my books or the money in the amount that was used with financial aid funds?
If you drop all your classes and get a full refund, all financial aid would be cancelled so if you used FA for books, yes, you’d need to return them or pay for them.
Take a hard look at this before you do this. Many college students lose a grandparent during college, and it doesn’t derail their semester. My mom died a week into D2’s 2nd semester junior year. She was able to stay on track. If your grandmother raised you or you were extraordinarily close, maybe it is necessary. But it is somewhat the natural order of the world, and it doesn’t sound totally unexpected.
^ this student was already struggling and on probation or near it WITHOUT that shock. It takes little to derail a student who is struggling to pass in the best of circumstances.
Before you drop classes you MUST MUST email financial aid services and ask what will happen if you take a medical reduced work load (due to grief/mental health), if you take a medical leave of absence (for mental health/grief), whether you can even get out of your housing contract, whether you’ll have to pay back financial aid, whether it affects your eligibility for further financial aid. You must not do anything until you’ve discussed these options and all their consequences.
