<p>Hello everyone. I'm sorry if this doesn't really belong here, but I don't really know where else to go. </p>
<p>My great uncle passed away today, and though some people may scoff at the "great" aspect, he's been the only grandfather I've had and known. It's naturally very hard for my grandmother and mother, and I'm trying my best to deal with my emotions while also handling my schooling. (Also, I need to let them grieve and not pester them about my school issues) </p>
<p>I have a major exam on Friday, a paper due on Friday, a once-a-week language class on Wednesday night with a composition due, an after-class review for the Friday exam on Wednesday, and tons of reading for an upper-level course due between now and Wednesday. I've been working diligently on everything as usual, but I have no idea when the funeral will be. I'm either going to have to miss 3 of my classes on Wednesday, (including the one with the exam on Friday and the review for it) or potentially miss the review and night class on Wednesday night. (I'm pretty sure Wednesday will be part of the arrangements)</p>
<p>I can't email my professors yet since I don't know anything, but I'm freaking out about preparing for my test and writing my papers when I have to go and support my family. </p>
<p>My question is, what should I do?? I don't want to ask for extensions or anything, so should I just kick it into high gear for the rest of the day? How can I focus? If I have to miss classes, when and how do I email my professors? </p>
<p>email all your professors now with a message like this: </p>
<p>Just wanted to inform you that I had a death in my family and although the arrangements are not yet final I will most likely need to miss some classes this week. I will inform you once I know all of the details.</p>
<p>By their responses you should be able to judge right away which teachers will be flexible and which will not and plan your work accordingly.</p>
<p>I’d actually notify your Profs and Dean about your situation to see if they’d be open to giving possible extensions and even possible incompletes to allow extended time to finish your coursework beyond the semester if needed. </p>
<p>Your great uncle’s death is definitely an extenuating circumstance most Profs & deans would and IMO should be sympathetic to. Granted, you may need to provide some form of proof such as a funeral program and/or a note from your parents. </p>
<p>Had some firsthand experience with this as the only living grandparent I knew died during my undergrad years and I ended up needing to take some incompletes that semester due to missing school for family funeral and to deal with my/my family’s grief.</p>
<p>I was fortunate that my Profs and Dean were all very supportive in that period. I hope yours will extend the same level of care and consideration.</p>
<p>I’m sorry to read about the loss of your uncle. I suggest contacting either the Dean of Students or the dean in your academic area, as well as sending a short notice like the one kiddie suggests in post 2 to your professors. Do a search on your school’s website for the guidelines in a situation like this - it happens often and your school probably has a plan of action for students who suffer a loss like yours. When my daughter experienced the death of a loved one at the end of one semester, the dean was very helpful in working out the details. If you have a problem with a particular professor (which may not happen, but could), the dean can work with you on that as well.</p>
<p>It’s good that you’re on top of your workload - try not to fall behind before you need to leave campus for services.</p>
<p>I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t think an incomplete is really going to be an option, however, as it’s too early in the semester (assuming you are on a regular academic calendar). Some extensions on deadlines, however, would certainly be appropriate.</p>
<p>I would also second the advice to document the sad event with an obituary, mass card, etc. It is unfortunately true that many immature and unethical students claim a death in the family in order to get out of meeting deadlines. Although professors may not request such corroboration, it’s helpful, I think, to offer it, at least to your class dean or academic advisor (who can then share with your professors that your loss was indeed genuine). </p>
<p>The timing, at the beginning of the semester, is unusual (most fake bereavements occur around midterms or finals) and that alone will make your request for excused absences/extended deadlines more credible.</p>
<p>It’s not my intent to question the truth of your loss and I’m very sorry. I hope I have not offended you. I can’t imagine lying about the death of a loved one, myself, but I know that some college students do it, and they ruin things for those who really are bereaved and deserve consideration. It’s a shame.</p>
<p>Thank you for the kind words and advice, everyone. </p>
<p>I sent out an email to my professors like suggested, and I just have to wait for my parents to let me know what’s going on with the arrangements.</p>
<p>My main concern, however, is my exam on Friday. It’s a philosophy exam, and it’s one of 3 that make up 85% of our final grade. My professor has office hours tomorrow, so do you think I should go to them tomorrow and explain in person? (assuming that I’m here and that I can) Or get the extra help that I will probably miss on Wednesday? I think they also have office hours on Thursday night as well. </p>
<p>I just want to try to be responsible and keep everything under control.</p>
<p>I’m sorry for your loss. Some professors will be kind and accommodating while others will be, er, stricter. If you can contact the Dean of Students (or Director of Student Life or whatever the office is called at your school), they may be able to provide documentation to all of your profs so that an excused absence or makeup exam is easier to get.</p>
<p>If you can go to the philosophy professor’s office hours, do so. It’s best to handle things in person. If you cannot go because you have already left campus for the observances, email the professor and let him/her know. Also, be prepared to ask specifically for the considerations you need (i.e. I would like an extension on the exam because I cannot study until this time). </p>
<p>Also, be aware that grief is an ongoing process and it’s possible that you just won’t have the best semester ever. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to perform at the top of your game. Sometimes, all you can do is just keep on trucking. Much of life is this way. It all works out in the end.</p>
<p>Update: my great uncle’s wake is on Thursday, and his funeral is on Friday, which I’m assuming will be around 10am.</p>
<p>I have 2 classes on Friday, sociology at 9:30 and philosophy at 1:30. I have to turn in a paper for soc, and I have the exam for phl. </p>
<p>Here’s what I’m thinking:</p>
<p>1.) ask the sociology professor if I can turn in the paper on Wednesday, (which I’ve brainstormed but have yet to start writing) miss that class on Friday, go to the mass, and then get back to school for the exam. </p>
<p>2.) ask to turn in the paper on Wednesday, and ask to take the test another time. I met with my philosophy prof today, and I was honestly only concerned about Wednesday’s class. (I didn’t think they’d push it back so late to Friday) She told me she’d help me review and get ready for the test if I missed the review day and her office hours, but I don’t know how she’d take/what she’d think of me asking to reschedule the exam. </p>
<p>3.) Just go to the wake and miss the funeral and learn that sometimes, things happen, but you can’t always get what you want and that you have responsibilities to attend to.</p>
<p>Are there any other negotiations or compromises that I’m missing? </p>
<p>My advice: Take your exams. Don’t miss the classes. Don’t miss out on study time. Don’t go to any services if they interfere with your college work. </p>
<p>I’m sure your great uncle was proud of your college work. I don’t think any relative would want the timing of his/her death to be a hindrance to doing your best in school. </p>
<p>My mother was very sick and we thought near death just before my kids were to take final exams. So I simply didn’t tell them. I didn’t want them to be grieving or worrying when it would do no good for my mother. My mother would want them to excel in college and would really feel bad if her serious illness and news of it sent them into grief and consequently bad grades.</p>
<p>Last year, one month into my daughter’s freshman year, her grandmother died. We decided the best thing would be for her to stay at school and not come home for the service. As the last poster said we know she would not have wanted to have any impact my daughter’s start at college.</p>
<p>You guys are right: he wouldn’t want my studies to falter. I don’t think anyone in my family really would, and since I don’t have classes during the time of the wake, I can honor him them. </p>
<p>Plus, when I graduate and get a job, I won’t always be able to change deadlines and such. In a sad way, it’s good practice and a good test of dedication. </p>