<p>Toombs61, the State is investigating the bullying which led to the three students being sent home, not the boy’s suicide. He died in Virginia, not Massachusetts.</p>
<p>Your allegations of bullying on the part of Mr. Commons are unjustified. By Massachusetts law, he had no choice, once he determined that bullying had taken place. Massachusetts law now requires heads of school to act in the following manner:</p>
<p><a href=“g”>quote</a> A member of a school staff,[…] shall immediately report any instance of bullying or retaliation the staff member has witnessed or become aware of to the principal or to the school official identified in the plan as responsible for receiving such reports or both. Upon receipt of such a report, the school principal or a designee shall promptly conduct an investigation. If the school principal or a designee determines that bullying or retaliation has occurred, the school principal or designee shall (i) notify the local law enforcement agency if the school principal or designee believes that criminal charges may be pursued against a perpetrator; (ii) take appropriate disciplinary action; (iii) notify the parents or guardians of a perpetrator; and (iv) notify the parents or guardians of the victim, and to the extent consistent with state and federal law, notify them of the action taken to prevent any further acts of bullying or retaliation.
<p>Indeed, Mr. Commons had no choice but to report the incident - especially since he failed to report an incident in 2005 of the sexual abuse of a student. He had to plead guilty to the violation of state law and Groton was fined the paltry sum of $1250. When asked why he plead the way he did, rather than go to trial over the incident which Groton denied ever happened, his response was because he “felt it was the easiest way to put the matter behind Groton”. This just doesn’t cut it with me. When is the last time that you “kicked a problem down the road” and it went away???</p>
<p>Where does the law require Commons to expel the Perkins child from Groton for bullying? I didn’t see any such provision in the statute. If there is no such provision, what is the wording of Groton’s zero tolerance policy on bullying? If there is no such policy, then did Commnons specifically or Groton in general have discretion whether or not to expel young Perkins from school? If so, was this discretion reasonably, fairly and consistently exercised in this case? If not, was Commons or Groton a bully? (Note, I never alleged that Commons was a bully. I have no idea. I only surmised that Mr. Perkins is or will be asking whether or not Commons is the real bully in this tragedy.) </p>
<p>Again, there are many questions and issues that Groton and Mr. Commons will have to answer. If Mr. Perkins doesn’t ask them, then the school and Mr. Commons should ask them themselves. If they don’t, then those who love Groton (e.g., alums, trustees, parents of students, etc.) should ask many questions of Groton and Mr. Commons about this dark tragedy. If they don’t, then this sad chapter at Groton will just get sadder.</p>
<p>Madaket, Mr. Commons was NOT headmaster in 1999, when the Hawkins case began. The headmaster at that time was William Polk. It was not a “2005 incident” – as the article you link to clearly states.</p>
<p>toombs61-
Normally I would hold back but you’re making allegations without any knowledge of the facts in this case. If you read the Phillipian article you will note that Mr. Commons was not the headmaster when the allegations of sexual abuse were made (1999), nor was he the headmaster who failed to report the events. Rather, he was the headmaster who had to finally put to rest a very ugly incident that was never clear cut and involved a very litigious family with little evidence and lots of media power (long story). In the current tragedy, the young man (Perkins) had already been DC’d the previous year and his involvement in bullying was a second offense. Your opinion is normally one I respect but you’re making strong judgements without any direct knowledge. I thought this thread was a very healthy, constructive one and now find it frustrating (sorry for my rant).</p>
<p>The case languished for 6 years unresolved and it was Mr. Commons who agreed to the plea. I stand corrected on it being Mr. Commons who failed to report the abuse once it was brought to the attention of the school. Rather, it was Mr. Polk. What does it really matter who failed to report it? The fact remains that it wasn’t reported as required by law. A school like Groton should be above that. Like I said, no school is “lilly white” , how the school responds is everything.</p>
<p>hola3, thanks for your comments and insights here, but please note that I’m not making any judgments here other than it is important that everything possible about the Perkins matter come out as soon as possible. You have added some details to the Perkins tale. Very good. Still, this event remains for me maybe the most disturbing story I have ever heard arising from a BS. I have read several articles about it in various media outlets. Some of the statements and actions Mr. Perkins has asserted against Groton and Mr. Commons are shocking. I can understand that his statements were made in anger and grief and, therefore, may be of limited weight. But a boy killed himself because Groton expelled him from school and almost all of the chat on this thread as been about how great and wonderful it is that schools and the law are cracking down on bullies. Okay, fine…but what about the “bullies”? Should they ALWAYS be expelled? If so, under what procedures? under what standards? under what conditions? Where is the concern or empathy for the alleged bully? his family? his death? </p>
<p>This sad event touches everyone of us who is in a BS or has a child in a BS. What are the rules and definitions in bully cases? Can a school do just about anything it wants? Right now, Groton is the field where this awful game was last played. All of us in BS’s or with kids in BS’s should be interested to know what happened there in detail because lightning could strike us, our child or our school next. If so, I for one want to know what do when lightning strikes and my son, by the curse of God, the accusations of an abused child or the blood lust of the politically correct, becomes the next log on the bully bond fire.</p>
<p>I really don’t see how anyone could have a qualified opinion on this particluar case with the scant information that has been made public. I see toombs asking some pertinent questions, but all that any of us can do is speculate. Until I know actual details of what exactly happened, I have no choice but to suspend judgement.</p>
<p>We can all talk about bullying and discipline and how schools handle things, but any judgement of Groton regarding this particular case is very premature.</p>
<p>The following are very serious questions that I honestly do not know the answer to:</p>
<p>Where is the line between being a jerk and being a bully? </p>
<p>At what point does bullying become a crime?</p>
<p>Toombs,
I agree that asking questions is important but some of your posts insinuate an almost sinister or malicious action on the part of the school which is inappropriate (in my opinion). I have also read several accounts of what is going on at Groton and they are shockingly scant on facts and full of speculation and (in some cases) falsehoods. I would urge people to wait until actual facts and information is released (good point neato) because I haven’t read a single piece that accurately presents this tragedy. I’m sorry my reply comes across as a “know-it-all” but unfortunately (because this was a tragedy), I know some of the details well.</p>
<p>As is often the case, neato gets to the essence of the matter: when is a child acting like a jerk, a bully or a criminal? What are the standards, procedures and rules by which a school may so label one of its students? What is just punishment by schools for jerks? bullies? criminals?</p>
<p>hola3, you can try to deflect the grave concern and impact of the Hunter Perkins tragedy by labeling my inquiries sinister or malicious. Such is not my intent at all. My questions are , I admit, dark and troubling, just like the subjects we are discussing: bullying, abuse, expulsion, depression, suicide. But then I’m not the one about whom we need to make inquiry. We need to know about Hunter Perkins, Groton and Mr. Commons.</p>
<p>In one newspaper article that I read, Mr. Perkins said that Mr. Commons told him that his son has committed “one of the worst crimes imaginable”. Assuming such statement is true (which I struggle to believe could ever be possible), I find such a comment by anyone, based upn the facts so far revealed in this case, unimaginable or, in the words hola3, “sinister or malicious”. If you know the details of this case well, please help us remove this sinister and malicious air from Mr. Commons. </p>
<p>hola3, it is clear that you are close to the school and this story (which may be one reason you are attacking someone who raises questions about this case). If so, I understand the deep pain this event has caused everyone who knows or loves Groton. (Please note that I lost a brother to depression.) I surely don’t want to add to the pain of anyone. But this story touches so many in the BS world, it seems best that we try to learn as much about this tragedy as we can so that we may try to help prevent it from ever happening again…if possible.</p>
<p>Toombs,
My apologies, I reread my posts and it’s obvious that my nerves were a bit frayed when I responded. I am very close to several friends in the Groton community and have heard in great detail what seems to have occurred. As I posted earlier in this thread, I think it’s important that people know that all schools are required by law to keep information regarding incidents such as this one completely confidential (except to authorities or in the courtroom) since the case involves students younger than the age of 18. Therefore, a school cannot release any detail or even respond in any way that could answer your questions. These are privacy restrictions and the school must follow them. However, these same laws do not apply to Mr. Perkins and he is free to openly address the media without fear that the school will respond. The truth seems to be that Hunter’s home life was an unbelievably tough place and he had recently lost his mother to depression. Groton seems to have been his last refuge and due to his actions against a fellow student (and previous disciplinary infraction), that refuge was taken away. I cannot defend the school completely since they had knowledge of his situation at home so there is certainly room for debate there. As far as Mr. Commons’ “quote” regarding Hunter’s behavior being “one of the worst crimes imaginable”, I’ll wait for Mr. Perkins to produce the email because it’s hard to imagine a head of school making such a strong statement to a child. Those are the basic details I can share. I’ll try to refrain from contributing any more to the thread and apologize that I was so defensive but it’s incredibly frustrating to read newspaper articles and read speculation that portrays a “truth” that is far from what seems to have actually occurred. This was a horrible tragedy and I’m so sorry that a young man lost his life and a community was thrust into chaos/mourning.</p>
<p>hola3, thank you for your post. I understand the awful strain that all who love Groton are now suffering. The tragedy for many here cannot be understated. Because it is clear that you have some knowledge of the chain of events in the Perkins matter, please try and keep those of us on CC advised, to the extent appropriate and possible. </p>
<p>My prayers and thoughts remain with everyone sadly touched by this crippling episode in the magnificient and remarkable history of Groton. All of us with children in, or memories of, any prep school anywhere mourn with you, the Perkins family and all of Groton.</p>
<p>Bullies take joy in humiliating the weak. My son was bullied mercilessly by two different groups of boys during his freshman year. In each case, he suffered silently for months before telling us. Once he told us, we informed the school and they intervened and cracked down with an iron fist. Our son was one of several boys who were bullied by a group of boys. Of the two worst offenders, one did not return sophomore year and the other did not return junior year. It is private, but I feel pretty sure that these boys were informed that they were not welcome to return. Their behavior was clearly in violation of the written code of conduct. Thank God MY son did not take his own life. </p>
<p>Any 16 year old will make mistakes, and this includes the bullies. In the Groton case, the bullies were held accountable for their actions, something that may have been a new experience for them…who knows? This case has many victims, but the bullies are not included in that group. It is, however, tragic for all involved.</p>
<p>Upon re-reading, my message sounds really cold and I’m sure there will be flames coming my way. Any child’s death, for whatever reason, is a horrible tragedy. I find it troubling though, that the response by this boy’s family is to sue the school.</p>
<p>Baseballmom-Your post didnt sound cold, it sounded like it came from a place of a loving mother whos child had suffered. I have not personally witnessed a bully go after my d as a mid-schooler or high schooler but saw it up and personal as a parent of a 4 year old. The bully was 5. I was so surprised and hurt I couldnt cry but have been on the offensive ever since. </p>
<p>I had the “conversation” again yesterday during our weekly skype and my d is very clear on my position of reporting any situation that seems “strange” to her.</p>
<p>Okay, I’ve been (relatively) quiet up to now, but I’ve just got to jump in here.</p>
<p>This is getting to be like a game of telephone, where one person says something, someone else changes it just a little bit . . . and so on and so one until we’ve gone so far afield that the truth is nowhere to be found anymore.</p>
<p>So, let’s be clear. The boy’s father is a lawyer. He is also upset. But, at least in the news articles I’ve read thus far, he hasn’t said anything about suing the school.</p>
<p>Also, the school sent the boy home pending disciplinary action. He had not yet been expelled. An expulsion would have required disciplinary proceedings (in other words, a hearing), and, from what’s been reported, that had not yet happened.</p>
<p>So, be concerned about what’s happened. But stop blaming the participants for taking actions they never took. This includes, by the way, the boy, because none of us knows exactly what happened or what his role was. There is, for what it’s worth, a big difference between being a leader and a follower.</p>
<p>And please keep in mind that several of the students who were involved in this incident are still dealing with the aftermath. So chose your words carefully.</p>
<p>dodgersmom—I stand corrected. I’m not sure why I thought the family was suing Groton–if it was in a post, or if I inferred it from misreading posts.</p>