My younger daughter graduated from a different high school than her older sister due to my job move, and both of those high schools had very strict guideline on which box to check off even though neither school ranked. Yes, there are other categories GC/teachers need to check off, like leadership, course rigor, etc. D2’s private counselor said which boxes are checked off is more important than the actual writeup. My kids’ GCs reviewed all LORs before they were submitted.
Based on comments on these forums and in public documents, many HSs do not have strict guidelines that the percentages of students must match the guidelines in parenthesis. I’d also be surprised if your D’s counselor has internal knowledge of how NU uses LORs in admissions decisions. Different colleges have different admissions systems, and more subjective/holistic elements are often especially important at highly selective privates . It’s likely that she was not talking about NU. Many colleges really do read the written comments in the LOR and use them as an important factor in admissions decision.
One of the few colleges we have specific numbers of is Harvard, due to the lawsuit. Harvard really does read the written comments in the LORs and consider them in admission decisions. ~24% of unhooked admits from the Harvard sample received an average LOR/GC rating as " Generally positive, perhaps somewhat neutral or generic", which is one rating above “Negative or worrisome report.” While the admit rate certainly increased as LOR rating improved, 24% is not an insignificant portion of unhooked admits. I would not assume NU is more stringent than Harvard in this regard.
D2’s private counselor employed many ex AOs from top tier colleges. We are getting off the topic, so I will stop here.
For reference, The Common Application forms are at https://membersupport.commonapp.org/membersupport/s/article/Are-paper-PDF-versions-of-the-application-and-or-recommender-forms-available (School Report and Teacher Evaluation are the ones of most interest).
@BelknapPoint I’m asking about filing his federal income taxes. Clearly if he is living in CT, and working in CT, and renting a place in CT, and is self supporting…at $4000 a month…it would seem that his federal income tax return would be filed with a CT address for 2020.
And If CT is his address for the 2020 federal taxes…wondering how he would file state taxes as a non-resident in CT.
I live in CT, and I can’t believe this self supporting employed person residing in my state would be considered a resident of another state for tax purposes.
I guess that is something else this parent needs to check.
We will check on all that.
@BluEyeL — it’s amazing what comes out of the woodwork here on CC when parent asks for help. My comments:
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It is none of anyone’s business what your current relationship is with your husband or ex-husband.
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Your son’s love life and sexual orientation is also none of anyone’s business, unless and until he and a SO send out wedding invitations – and if that happens, it doesn’t belong on CC unless you choose to participate in the wedding thread.
3). No one in the world has any right to suggest that you should forfeit your entire salary to pay for your son’s college. Parents are not obligated to indulge their offspring’s every desire, and you would be perfectly within your rights if you simply told your son that you would limit your contribution to the amount of in-state tuition no matter where he got accepted. I was appalled to read a post that seemed to shame you for not forking over your entire salary and living off the support your current husband.
4). The residency question for college tuition depends entirely on the rules set up by the state or its public institutions. But ordinarily a person residing temporarily out of state for employment does not force a change of residency, although it can trigger other legal requirements tied to driver’s licensese and taxes. But I doubt very seriously that a gap year taken by the offspring of Indiana residents will result in change to in-state tuition status.
5). My guess is that a nonprofit that pays a $4k monthly salary also will provide health insurance, so I doubt that is a problem. When my kids worked full time for nonprofits, they always were given health insurance – and that was before ACA came in, which I think would pretty much mandate that larger employers, including nonprofits, provide insurance to full time employees. I think under current law it could be up to about 60 days before the employer-provided insurance kicks in.
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I think your son should ask the employer if they can assist in finding local housing. If they can’t, things will still work out ok - but it would be nice if they can at least make some suggestions for affordable housing within easy commuting distance.
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I’m not even going to try to comment on the posts that are now trying to second guess your kid’s GPA, test scores, and what boxes were checked off on his LOR’s. Sheesh. Your son is a good kid, he’s learning and growing and will make mistakes along the way — and no need to second guess why a college that turns down the vast majority of its applicants also said no to him. It happens. Even to kids who have higher GPAS and SATs and better LORs. So that’s nobody’s fault and nothing to worry about now when the kid has already graduated from high school. (It’s not as if you or anyone else has a time machine to go back and change things).
It seems like his moving out is an excellent plan. It would appear the son may have different values than the 3 adults in his life, which he can then adhere to when he is a parent if he wishes.
Since I am the one who suggested the mom’s salary go towards the tuition-well, if family income is somewhere around $600-800k, then yes, I think many parents would find 75k a year they could pay for education. The mom doesn’t have to ask her husband for the money-she has it herself from her salary, and as a married couple, her lifestyle likely wouldn’t be affected one bit. Presumably the husband would support her if she chose not to work at all, with no impact on her lifestyle. She has made other choices, which is her right. So will her son. Her choices, too, have consequences
“I can’t believe this self supporting employed person residing in my state would be considered a resident of another state for tax purposes.”
As is often noted on CC, residency for tax purposes is not the same as residency for tuition purposes. There’s no reason to assume that taking a gap year and working or traveling temporarily outside the state will cause a loss of residency for tuition purposes, especially if parents are still resident in the state.
To quote from the Indiana tuition residence rules (https://policies.iu.edu/policies/usss-07-rules-determining-resident-nonresident-student-status/index.html)
“Residence" as the term, or any of its variations (e.g., “resided”), as used in the context of these Rules, means the place where an individual has his or her permanent home, at which he or she remains when not called elsewhere for labor, studies, or other special or temporary purposes, and to which he or she returns in seasons of repose. It is the place a person has voluntarily fixed as a permanent habitation for himself or herself with an intent to remain in such place for an indefinite period. A person at any one time has but one residence, and a residence cannot be lost until another is gained.
@thumper1 – state residency for tax purposes is determined by a number of factors, but a person who is living and working in a state temporarily does not necessarily become a state resident. See https://portal.ct.gov/DRS/Individuals/Individual-Tax-Page/Nonresident-Working-in-Connecticut
Connecticut defines a residents as someone who is “domiciled” in CT and “domicile” is in turn means the place where a person has fixed dwelling with an intention of making it his/her permanent home. CT also makes a person a resident for tax purposes if they have a “permanent place of abode” in CT and live there for more than 183 days during the year - and “permanent”
Here is what CT law says about that:
And it is perfectly legal and appropriate for the son to use his parents’ Indiana address on his tax returns if he maintains an intent to return to his childhood home, and is still welcome there. So unless the OP and her husband force the kid to pack up all his stuff and take it with him, it is perfectly normal and acceptable for him to maintain his permanent residence in Indiana while taking a temporary job in CT. Happens all the time, which is why CT state regulators took the trouble to write out the example of the person with the fixed-term work assignment.
Don’t feel bad. Whichever plan he chooses to go with, he’ll learn a really valuable lesson at the end of it all.
This is coming from the girl who has to pay her own way through college because my family is what’s considered “lower class” in terms of finance.
As you can tell from my username, I plan on attending Baylor University, the second most expensive school in the state of Texas. If someone were to take on the entirety of the cost of tuition, room, bored, etc., at the end of their four years they’d leave with a debt upwards of $200,000.
I’m avoiding all that through–you guessed it–scholarships. However, instead of racking up small scholarships and piling a bunch of money from that, I’ve chosen to go for a couple of the big hitters (and somehow it’s working).
Given my stats, Baylor awarded me their President’s Gold Scholarship right off the bat. That covers half their tuition right there. Recently, I’ve been chosen to apply for a full-tuition scholarship with their I2E event, as well as their Carr P. Collins scholarship (also because of my stats). Given that all goes well, I could attend Baylor for free without further burdening myself or, if need be, my parents.
My point, though, isn’t to brag. Not at all. It’s to make clear that your son CAN make it on his own with enough effort and determination. In the end, he’ll reap the rewards of his success and be all the better for it.
So, yeah. Don’t feel bad. Instead, use this as an opportunity to help him grow into his own independence and self-reliability.
Congrats on all your scholarships and academic achievement. However, your situation is a bit different. With lower income, you likely qualify for types of financial help that the young man here won’t qualify for due to his parents’ income levels.
All credit to @Baylorscholar24. But if her parents could afford to pay the full cost easily, and chose not to do so, she might feel differently.
@BaylorScholar24 in addition, your stats put you in line to receive some of the most generous scholarships Baylor has to offer.
I think the OPs son will be fine. But this journey is just that…a journey. He is finding his own way…and hopefully will land well on his feet.
@calmom - you seem to have a lot to say when you are trying not to comment. No one here said the son wasn’t a good kid, not sure how/why you jumped to that conclusion. At least from my standpoint, before feeling guilty about not paying for an elite education OP should look at her son’s stats and know Purdue is a very good option for her son. ED is one free option any applicant could get, and I wouldn’t have advised OP’s son to use it on NU.
Some of us don’t think parenthood entails an obligation to pay for whatever a kid wants just because we can.
As I posted above, it is perfectly reasonable for a parent to place limits on what they will contribute, and I would not fault any parent no matter how rich if they simply limit their kid to in-state tuition at a public institution – especially for parents who are residents of states with good public options.
This does wrap around to the original point of this thread (“Guilt of refusing to pay”) – and I honestly think that any person who believes that parents somehow owe their kids the full cost of a private education at today’s rates have misplaced priorities. This is not the case of parents who are kicking their kid out and refusing any help – this is a kid who has perfectly acceptable options that the parents are willing to pay for.
I mean, even assuming that the kid had an acceptance to Harvard in hand – that doesn’t mean that the parents have any obligation whatsoever to fund the ~$40K+ annual cost differential between public and private.
It’s an option but certainly not “free”. Where costs are a concern, it is not a good option. The family did allow the son to apply to NU, which is fine. I didn’t criticize that.
There is usually cost to an option, but it’s not the case when it comes to college application (other than the application fee, which one would have to pay during RD anyway).
We agree that we have different priorities, @Calmom. It is the parents money, and they are free to spend it on sports cars or jewelry or Botox or trips to Greece, or donate it to the local dog shelter or whatever. But don’t ask others to validate your choices if you do so.
If any parent should be “faulted” here it’s the bio father who apparently is earning close to $200k yet with no other kids can’t seem to spare more than $500-1000 a month. Not the stepfather whose money is his own business or the mother who has already done a decent job of salting money away in a 529. Just my opinion.