I asked my son if he would have done anything differently with his college admission process. In addition to getting better grades hebsaid he wish he had applied to more reaches. His stats were in the middle to low end of the 25-75 percent range for some of the elite schools. He did not get into the the two reaches he did apply to. He did get into all of his other schools. He has settled on a great school however I think he regrets not having the brand that goes with an Ivy or JHU or WUSTL.
I am regreting not encouraging him to at lest apply to an ivy he was more competitive at. As I look at the ivy acceptance posts and some of the stats are similar to his.
Is anyone else feeling the same way? That they should have encouraged their children to apply to more competitive schools? Any suggestions to help me deal with these feelings?
Would you have paid for it if he was accepted (assuming you are not need-based). We have no regrets. DS made his decision, he’s happy with it and we are too. Where did we get the idea that our kids “deserve” a $280,000 education anyway?
Mourn for a while, then move on. One of my friends has kids who didn’t do as well in the college acceptance rat race as she had hoped. (Both parents went to top schools, including Wharton). But her son us graduating from a lesser known LAC with a lot of honors and a high-paying job at a prestigious company. There is value in being a big fish in a small pond.
Regardless of stats how parents pay for this stuff is mindboggling to me. What career deems a 280k undergrad?
Does not compute even if I could afford it I would not pay for it.
Out of all the lawyer, doctor, engineer, and other entrepreneurial friends we have or have had over the years the fanciest school was Stanford (just 1 guy).
Everyone else normal schools state flagships a few privates like Tulane etc, but nothing elite.
Im sure in some world Im not a part of or some social circle people talk or care about this stuff just not one Ive ever lived in.
Most conversations we have about college is how much of a rip off it is and how the bubble will burst it has too.
I would just move on sounds lime he got into a great school.
Why is this turning into a discussion about $$? OP didn’t bring it up and for all we know, it could be a complete non-issue for this family. The theme is selectivity.
@regretful, reaches are reaches for a reason. My kids’ private school puts out a sheet to parents of juniors and gives a class acceptance rate history for reaches, matches, safeties. The group’s acceptance rate for reach schools is less than 20%. That’s why they are reaches. Applying to more wouldn’t have guaranteed any acceptances. It’s much more likely that it would have been more declines and you’ve saved yourself some application fee $$ and time.
If your son feels strongly that he is missing out, encourage him to kick butt his freshman year grade-wise and get involved on campus. If he still feels the same way, he can apply as a transfer. I know quite a few young people who successfully transferred to more selective schools.
The problem with playing “what if” is that you compare to the best case (acceptance at the reach) …which is a longshot for everybody at the tippy top schools. Although you see acceptances with similar stats, there were probably also a whole lot of rejections too. At this point I suggest you focus on the positives about his new college.
BTW - If you stick around here for a few years (which some of us have done, crazy as it sounds)… you’ll read more and more about the limited value of prestige.
A friend at work sent first kid to one ivy for undergrad and another for medical school.
For child 2, they recommended a high scholarship in state option with an automatic med school acceptance. Son two chose that path and they are absolutely without regret.
I’m not sure how you can discuss Ivy or reach schools without discussing the cost? They go hand in hand. Lots of families I know have the money in savings or investments, but that doesn’t make it a good decision. And why would you apply if you have a budget in mind? OP, did you have a budget when you started the process?
@snorkelmom How do you know that the school OP’s son is going to be attending isn’t the same cost as an Ivy? Or that the student wouldn’t be eligible for FA? That’s why a $$ discussion isn’t pertinent because it isn’t a stated issue for the OP.
OP didn’t mention budget. That wasn’t the stated concern.
@Regretful, it is highly unlikely that applicants are gaining acceptance to Ivies or other tippy top schools without being in the upper end of the top-50% unless they have a hook.
YMMV, but I find that many people neglect to mention their budget and then discover in March & April that they don’t want to spend $X or borrow large amounts to finance the Ivy or reach. Perhaps they’ve saved themselves an application fee and lots of fees to Collegeboard and/or ACT. Even if they are eligible for FA.
You say he did not get into the two reaches he attempted. Were the colleges not attempted equally selective? More? Less?
This was a pretty brutal admissions year. I know kids with superb test scores, GPAs, rank, and ECs that were waitlisted and denied at places that their college counselors thought were attainable. Places like Rice, Tufts, Wash U, Case Western - excellent, competitive schools. Outcomes at Ivies and near Ivies were even more discouraging.
Had he applied, he might now be in waitlist limbo or suffering the sting of additional rejections. After a semester at college, he will have forgotten what might have been.
Emotionally, I understand, but if you look at this rationally, if he doesn’t have a hook and got rejected by the two reaches he did apply to, applying to 5 more reaches with single digit admit rates (or close) very likely would have meant 5 more rejections or WLs (which are essentially soft rejects). That is, unless he applied ED somewhere.
@mamaedefamilia, agree our DD’s are seeing their friends in what you outlined as the worst academic scenario - those who overreached based on what their older siblings achieved 3, 4, 5 years ago only to be left with a pile of WL’s that are slowing being closed out with only a safety remaining.
When my D chose the instate flagship over a quite prestigious university a few years ago, she said she would rather be an above average student in her class. She is right and she has been getting additional scholarships every year. I would like to see my D as a happy student in college instead of a depressed one struggling among other higher achievement students.
Maybe it’s helpful to keep a positive attitude, don’t regret but forget and look forward.
I asked my middle schooler if he prefers being a small fish in a big pond or a big fish in a small pond. His answer is so funny, “a big fish in a big pond.” I guess he’ll find fun wherever when college time comes. (We didn’t talk about college.)
Applying to more wouldn’t have guaranteed any acceptances. It’s much more likely that it would have been more declines and you’ve saved yourself some application fee $$ and time.