<p>^ lol shut up ;)</p>
<p>honestly if they ask you out whats the big deal? or even if theyre just your friends (opening the door or whatever) and youre in control of what you give in return…</p>
<p>Well, different guys will hope you reciprocate with sex or maybe a meaningful relationship, I don’t know. This is something you should discuss with any guy you become interested in, and make sure you find common ground.</p>
<p>"honestly i’d rather them return the favor with sex, but i dont think thats what OP is fishing for :\ "</p>
<p>Hence my concern about the whole thing seeming like prostitution…</p>
<p>“Then what do college males, and males in general, expect women to do to reciprocate? Maybe they want the women to do those things later on.”</p>
<p>I personally think it would be mega weird if they asked you to iron their clothes. Like seriously. And I don’t think they’d say ‘hey, I opened the door for you ___ number of times. Now you owe me such and such.’ That would also be weird.</p>
<p>Obviously if you are dating someone you don’t just do nothing for them. Like if your BF liked comics you’d buy him one to surprise him every once and a while or something. Or you’d pay for a dinner instead of him. Just like normal stuff you’d do when you are in a relationship. Not ironing or weird housewife stuff.</p>
<p>Why don’t people just pay for their own meals?</p>
<p>… I can’t afford women these days, especially since my only income is mommy and daddy :(</p>
<p>To me, opening doors is just a nice thing to do, and it isn’t like it only happens on dates. Somebody exiting a store might hold the door open for somebody else, etc. If my date were holding open doors for me, I’d hold open doors for him as well. If my date paid for my meal or movie ticket, I’d pay for a similar thing for him the next time we went out.</p>
<p>Why don’t you just split the price everytime. Isn’t that what you women want; equality?</p>
<p>And just some general info about guys…</p>
<p>They just want you to make their wee-wee feel good. Whether that means they have to pay for dinner, hold the door, or slip a little somethin’ somethin’ into your drink, they always have the same goal. Don’t ever think otherwise. Ever.</p>
<p>^I don’t know if you’re just being sarcastic, but I don’t think that generalization is always true by any means.</p>
<p>@Upsilamba: I know, but I’m talking about the guy in particular opening the door for the girl. It’s different than people in general holding the door for each other, whether they are men or women.</p>
<p>I’m just trying to get attention with radical comments :)</p>
<p>Did anybody find them amusing?</p>
<p>how is it anymore like prostitution and any other exchange in a relationship?</p>
<p>if you go on a date and the guy drives, you split the costs, everything. no niceties, no nothing, except that he drove. then you have sex. how is that different? i guess in order for it not to be prostitution you have to drive separate cars, right? or the woman should drive?
if its the latter, then you’re talking about a bs double standard where women are allowed to be nice and then have sex while if the man does something polite and then there is sex, its prostitution.</p>
<p>that doesn’t make any sense. by being a ‘gentleman’ you’re earning the trust and respect of the lady involved–generally speaking, sex is the result of a that kind of relationship. not in all cases, but certainly in a healthy relationship, there should be a great deal of trust and respect. how else are people in relationships supposed to get to the point where they start doing it? by not spending money on each other and living completely separate lives?</p>
<p>i dont understand why people would have sex with each other if no one was taking initiative that these gestures represent. thats not to say you cant get laid or have a relationship without them, but they’re a very clear and simple way to express your character as well as your intentions.</p>
<p>Well, if you don’t want a guy to pay for dinner, or open doors for you, just let that be known. It’s not a big deal. When I first started dating my boyfriend, he would always open doors for me, even when I was in front of them, which I thought was silly. I told him that I felt awkward when he did that sometimes because I’d be reaching to open it and he’d lean over quickly and do it. But now that I look back, it was sweet, he was very infatuated with me. He stopped doing it so persistently, but he still does it, like, if he’s closer, or he’ll open my car door if he’s heading there first. I don’t mind that. A lot of times it is just manners. I mean, if I open the door first, I hold it open for him… same as if there are people coming through the door after me, etc. It’s just manners. I don’t think he is insinuating that I am weak - I am a strong (personality-wise) girl and he likes that. </p>
<p>If I am carrying a lot of stuff (say we are at the mall or something, school) he will offer to help me out. Sometimes I say yes, sometimes I say no, and it’s fine. I mean, he will ask me if I’m sure, but it’s not as if he gets insulted or anything… he just wants to help me out and make sure I’m comfortable. What’s wrong with that? I guess, if you think about it, it could be the fact that he is implying I DO need help… but, I mean, I’m a petite girl at 5’ and he’s a guy who works out and is almost 6’. Obviously, carrying a big book will be less of a strain on him than on me, and he would offer to help me out. And to be honest, sometimes he IS really a big help, when I am carrying a lot of books during finals week to study during classes. My hands are really small and can barely even grasp them, while it’s easy for him. What’s the big deal? It’s manners because he loves me, and therefore would sacrifice some of his comfort to help me. That’s all.</p>
<p>And yeah, he pays for dinner a lot of the time. I don’t EXPECT him to, he just does, and I always am grateful and say thank you. But sometimes I will chip in, pay half, or pay for it all, and he is always grateful as well. I don’t really think it’s prostitution. Well, I’m a virgin, and we don’t do anything I’m not comfortable doing.</p>
<p>But again, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then just tell any guy you are dating. Don’t make it a big deal, just be like “Oh I can help pay” or “Dork, I can open my door!” or laugh things off. However, I think that if he insists he pays, don’t keep insisting that you need to, just be gracious and thank him. He is just trying to express his affection towards you, and if you reject it you might hurt his feelings or give off the wrong impression, even if you don’t mean to. Later, if you guys get more serious, you can bring up the discussion and have a talk about it.</p>
<p>And this is why the divorce rate is so high. Marriages where couples take a more “traditional” route usually end up being more successful.</p>
<p>Anyway, sure some men like “independent” women. But most like to take care of thier woman. Men are supposed to take care of their significant others. It makes them feel good, and it makes the ladies feel appreciated.</p>
<p>Im sure you are fully capable of opening your own door, but honestly what does it hurt to have a man do it for you? It’s a nice gesture and makes him feel “manly”.</p>
<p>And also, I do have a question for the girls who read this thread. Do you think any less of a guy who didn’t offer to pay for your half? Like would you lose interest in the guy if he didn’t offer to pay? </p>
<p>Yes, I would lose intrest really quick if it was because he just didn’t want to. If he didn’t have the cash and I wanted to go to dinner, then no. But I feel sorry for whoever you end up with. It’s not about the money, it’s about having a man you can depend on, one that will take care of you and your future children.</p>
<p>WHat Malik1992 says “Yes, you kind of are making a big deal out of it. Guys have this prideful instinct to provide. You would be insulting a man’s ego if you tell him to not pay for dinner, to not carry your books, to not open doors for you.”</p>
<p>First post is absolutely right, it just makes us feel a little bit better. I know all the girls i’ve met can pay for there own things and open doors but it’s moslty done just to be nice.</p>
<p>I think whoever asks should pay for the first date. I asked my boyfriend out and I paid for the first date. We’ve been together for nearly 3.5 years and things just even out. We hold open doors for each other, cook for each other, etc. In high school, he would carry my calculus book for me because it was really freaking heavy and I have bad knees, but other than that, we are capable of our own stuff. </p>
<p>I dislike girls that throw hissy fits because they guy wants to pay. So what? So what if he is being polite and opens a door or offers to carry your books, you don’t have to walk through the door or let him carry your books.</p>
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If someone asked me to dinner or lunch (whether it’s a date or not), I expect them to pay unless it is a mutual decision to go out. If you want me to go out with you, pay for me because I wasn’t expecting this expense. If I ask you out, I am paying for you. That simple.</p>
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<p>That is true, even as a man I would feel less like a man if I didn’t pay for things. I am a person who always opens doors, carries things, and pay for girls who are my friends. It is a man’s responsibility to provide for women, and if a man fails to do that he really isn’t a man.</p>
<p>I agree dbate.</p>
<p>That doesn’t mean women shouldn’t pursue their own goals, education, careers, etc. But for goodness sake, let men be men. Your “I can do everything for myself” attitude ruins it for the rest of us, and makes men feel insignificant.</p>
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<p>Doesn’t that kind of contradict your first statement? Anyway, that’s kind of a insensitive thing to say. That type of behavior obviously doesn’t make her feel appreciated, it does quite the opposite. IMO, there’s nothing wrong with that type of behaviour, but since SHE is the one in her relationship, it just matters what makes HER comfortable. There are a lot of guys that would definitely relate to her, and be refreshed by her attitude.</p>
<p>If you like a guy, and he is more traditional, I believe you should wait to see if you REALLY like him and things get more serious before you have a talk to him about paying for dinner. A lot of men were raised to believe that is the right thing to do, and therefore it is kind of a serious discussion, because you are changing their “gender role”. However, things like opening doors, carrying stuff, etc don’t really matter, IMO. If a guy has a big problem with not letting you do that stuff then you probably aren’t compatible. Just make sure not to make it a big deal (otherwise, he will act like it IS a big deal) and have the attitude of “no thanks, I can do it myself, but thanks for offering.” </p>
<p>But don’t worry, there are a lot of guys out there that would be refreshed by your attitude. I remember some sort of quote that said that marriage should not be a you and your partner sailing off into the sunset - but rather, you two rowing off still in your own boths, but together and side by side. I agree with this. One of my favourite stories of a couple retaining their independence from each other is Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton. They live in their own separate houses - but the neighboring houses are connected by a secret hallway. They can keep their own style and privacy while still being close to each other. I just thought that was cute. :)</p>
<p>Dbate, I’m glad to know my dad isn’t a man. My mom works to support us, my dad was a stay-at-home dad. Just because he is the family-oriented one and my mom is the career-driven one (as was the case in my mom’s family as well), does NOT make my dad any less of a man. What an incredibly sexist comment. I truly hope I misread and you were being sarcastic, in which case I apologize.</p>