<p>Hey all, I'm new here. Anyway, I was talking to a friend the other day about dating in college and he kept stressing how despite all our "advancements" (or supposed ones) in terms of gay/queer, women's rights, etc., heterosexual dating is still heavily controlled by the male. I couldn't agree, cause I think in terms of feminism, it has really changed college dating. </p>
<p>I mean nowadays it seems that girls are more than willing to pay for a date or split the check. And in terms of planning the event, I don't think it's always up to the guy - at college level it seems more consensual between the two people. That is, its not just the guy deciding what restaurant or movie he will take his GF to, but often what event the couple might attend or what coffee shop they will meet at.</p>
<p>I also think the whole chivalry thing, at least in college, is no longer a requirement. I mean people in general seem to just open the door and such out of politeness. I don't know though, maybe girls still like it when men get the car door or seat for them, who knows. This lead me to this thread - cause in some senses I feel like dating has overall become more equal, but has this confused people on what's "normal" anymore?</p>
<p>Well I think its just common courtesy to hold the door for people so I do it anyways. Planning I normally leave open to suggestions from the girl, like for movies I let the girl pick and I pay for the tickets and stuff…though that was mostly because I had money from my job and she didn’t. I also got the car door for her but my passenger door only opens from the inside lol. I do believe that guys should respect women but if the girl is willing to pay for something on a date then who am I to say no?</p>
<p>I was in a 5 year relationship that started in hs. I asked him out and we were pretty much in an even relationship (evenly paid, evenly made decisions, etc) throughout hs and college. </p>
<p>We broke up and I immediately got into a new relationship. This relationship, too, has been very equal. Luckily we’re in the same major and have very similar interests so it’s not hard to make plans together. We also take turns paying. </p>
<p>I could never imagine being in a relationship that wasn’t pretty even. But that’s probably because I’m a control freak.</p>
<p>I prefer it when the guy makes the first move. I’m really shy so there’s no way I would ever do it.<br>
As for paying, I have no issues with paying for my own things. I don’t have the money to pay for both (I AM a poor college student after all) and I don’t expect him to either.</p>
<p>In my case, I’m the one who asked him out. At first the cost of most dates was split between us, now that we’re living together bills are split evenly but I pay for food most of the time simply because I make a decent amount more than he does at the moment. It’s something we’ll adjust as situations change, I don’t see why it should be gender-dependent.</p>
<p>It seems like there are a lot of girls who, even in this day and age, always expect the guy to make the first move. As a guy I don’t have a problem with it, but I do think its a little weird when a lot of women are always going on about how they want to be equal to men. I tend to come up with the ideas on what we should do, but thats really only because i’m the idea guy. With my friends, my family, i’m always the one people expect to come up with the ideas and plans. However, I always ask the girl what she would like to do and am open to what she says. I have no problem if she plans the date out. I enjoy it to be honest because I hate always having to plan stuff out for everybody.</p>
<p>Going from what I said about most girls I know expecting the guy to make the first move, most also expect the guy to pay. At least for the first date. Their thinking is “You asked me out so why should I pay?”. Not joking about this at all. There was actally a big thing on facebook about this over the summer. Personally, I think that for the FIRST date the guy should pay. Just to be chivalrous. Thats just me. After that though there needs to be some sort of understanding on how things are going to work. I mean, were in college and not all of us have rich parents that give us a few hundred dollars whenever we ask.</p>
<p>I also think the guy should pay if they go to dinner for a 1 month/year anniversary.</p>
<p>I hold doors open for girls all the time. Thats how I was raised. I don’t tell my friends to do it, but its what I do. There are a lot of girls who find it nice and admire the chivalry thing. LOL, “Chivalry isn’t dead after all”. I hear that a lot.</p>
<p>As a gay man, I’m glad that I don’t have the issue of paying for dinner. I demand that I pay for my own meal as that’s only fair. I open doors and do what people would consider to be “chivalrous” for anyone because that’s how I was raised. I’m polite as hell (odd way to say it).</p>
<p>I think things are pretty even now. I believe that everyone should hold the door open for anyone else regardless of gender if they are close behind you. I’m all for chivalry but opening the door for a girl seems unnecessary and old-timey. Most women can open the car door on their own. They don’t need anyone to wipe their butt either.</p>
<p>I live in the south, so everyone, boy and girl, woman and man, tends to hold open doors for each other. It’s just common courtesy where I’m from. On dates I don’t think it matters since one of the people is probably going to hold open the door. The opening car door thing may insult some women, it just depends. My stepdad does it for my mom and she thinks it’s the cutest thing ever. I think it’s polite myself, but I don’t think he does it because he thinks she can’t, it’s just because he was raised with very traditional southern manners.</p>
<p>This is hilarious because I just started recently dating this girl and not only did she make the first move to kiss, she also paid for our first dinner together last night. I was like “No way, I’m going to pay for it” and she just refused to let me. Then we went out for dessert and she refused to let me pay for that too! I have no choice but to surprise her with something cute now and to definitely ***** slap her the next time she tries to not let me pay for something.</p>
<p>When we’re eating on campus, my boyfriend and I pay for our own food. But whenever we go off campus he pays. I don’t demand it, and I don’t require that someone opens doors for me either. But I think that it shows that a guy respects you when he does things like that unasked. My mother, though, is a real southern belle and she’ll give you a dirty look if you don’t at least prop a door open for her.</p>
<p>Well, people don’t really go on “dates” in college. Most couples out eating together are already in a relationship. Deciding how to split costs in a relationship is a whole different game from going out on a traditional date where the object is to assess the other person’s LTR viability. In a relationship, switching every other “date” seems to be the stable strategy while on a cold date, all the pressure is always on the guy.</p>
<p>And as a guy, I have no problem making the first move or paying because initiating demonstrates confidence, which is pretty much the only crucial trait a guy needs, however, I expect the girl to at least offer. I can’t help but laugh at girls who profess to be feminists yet implicitly and tacitly *demand<a href=“which%20describes%20most%20girls”>/I</a> that guys pay for dinner, drinks at bars, etc. I categorically don’t buy drinks for girls in bars unless I already know them; if you’re a guy and you need to buy a girl a drink in order to keep her attention, you’re a huge chump and you have no game. That said, the girls who’ve had the balls to make the first move with me have always been awesome in every respect. Far more awesome than the passive girls.
See, I think this is complete bs. Girls want guys to do things for them because it’s a demonstration of value. Guys who ask girls out, automatically take out their credit card, confidently move in to kiss, escalate to sex, etc. are sexier and more masculine than the timid betas who are terrified to take the risk. It has nothing to do with respect.</p>