<p>Random dumb question - I don't have a lot of experience with this kind of thing. Do guys usually pay for girls on dates and stuff like that? I'm a girl, and I could never imagine having a guy pay for me just because of some gender based chivalry thing. I feel like a cook or something because my whole family and almost everybody I know thinks that guys should do stuff for girls like that. But guys opening doors for me feels like they're insinuating that I'm too much of a weakling to open a door for myself (if it were something that I was really too small to do I wouldn't mind, but come on, I can open a door), and same goes for guys carrying stuff for me that's not really too heavy. Guys paying for girls' food at a date at a restaurant as a matter of course feels almost like prostitution. I heard some guys on the radio arguing about whether a guy is entitled to a girl's phone number if he buys her dinner. One guy said yes and the other guy said she had no obligation. All I can think is, this is 2009, isn't it? Why would a guy in effect bribe a girl with money to give him her number? Does he want her to just like him for his money? If I were a guy, I don't think I would ever date a girl who expected me to pay for her. Am I making a bigger deal out of this than it really is? I'm kinda creeped out by this whole situation.</p>
<p>Yes, you kind of are making a big deal out of it. Guys have this prideful instinct to provide. You would be insulting a man’s ego if you tell him to not pay for dinner, to not carry your books, to not open doors for you.</p>
<p>“Guys paying for girls’ food at a date at a restaurant as a matter of course feels almost like prostitution.”</p>
<p>All I have to say is LOL</p>
<p>I pretty much totally agree with you. It also makes me kind of uncomfortable sometimes (like the door thing). I feel like maybe these things come out of stereotypes that women were weak and didn’t work (had no money) but like you said, it’s 2009.</p>
<p>@ Malik: But what if I have a prideful instinct to be independent? Who’s to say a guy isn’t insulting MY ego by assuming he is entitled to do whatever he wants with regard to me?</p>
<p>^That’s also true. Some guys won’t mind it, but some will feel insecure and belittled. You should talk to a guy about these things beforehand then.</p>
<p>^ I admire your reasonableness now, but I’m amused that the first response of you (and many people that I know) is that the guy is the one who would feel “insecure and belittled.”</p>
<p>I am a guy and I do these things constantly. It has absolutely nothing to do with me feeling that girls can’t open doors for themselves or carry their own things, it’s just the way I was raised, to me, it’s good manners. I, and pretty much everyone I know do not expect any kind of favors, phone numbers or anything else in return, it’s just a nice thing to do. A somewhat distant example would be helping an old lady cross the street, I am by no means trying to hook up with her, but wouldn’t that be the right and the polite thing to do?</p>
<p>Yeah, I don’t see why you can’t just discuss these things with a guy before you go on the date? If you’re really concerned about it, I mean. </p>
<p>But honestly… from one “independent female” to the other, I don’t mind if a guy asks me out and wants to pay/open doors whatever for me for the first date. It’s just a form of politeness, and you’ll find that some guys have been raised to do that sort of stuff. They’re not trying to belittle you or mark you as inferior in anyway. I mean you can still offer to pay, request to open your own door, but there’s no reason to think any less of guys who still want to do these things.</p>
<p>if they want to do it i dont have a problem with it lol. i can be a feminist & still find it cute that they want to do that stuff. just cause were capable doesnt mean we have to all the time if guys want to do that.</p>
<p>I am actually against paying for the girl on a date. And thing is that it’s not even because I am cheap or anything (although being a college student = limited money). I just don’t believe in paying for anyone else unless they are immediate family members or I owe the person in some way. I also dislike hearing that I have to pay for the girl because it’s traditional or that if I am interested in the girl, I must pay for her to show I am interested. It’s like…why is it that I have to pay for the person on the date in order to show I am interested? Aren’t there other way to start things off…to show that I am interested? I just don’t believe in buying my way into a girl’s heart.</p>
<p>And also, I do have a question for the girls who read this thread. Do you think any less of a guy who didn’t offer to pay for your half? Like would you lose interest in the guy if he didn’t offer to pay?</p>
<p>i think its weird when chicks decide they’re too cool for gender roles.</p>
<p>i want to know why someone would feel like they’re being degraded by having the power to make someone buy them food and open doors for them. someone’s doing something wrong if these kinds of things make the guy look like the dominant one. i have a feeling the queen of england doesn’t open many doors herself, and to suggest that she’s weak because the people around her bend to her ever will is silly.</p>
<p>@ Pavelo: I don’t know, it actually seems pointless and rude to me… but from what you’re saying I guess the sentiment behind it must generally be nicer than it would seem to me though. </p>
<p>If guys are expected to help girls out with opening doors and carrying things and such, what are girls supposed to do to reciprocate? Cook their meals and iron their clothes? That is part of what I have a problem with. </p>
<p>With regard to helping an old lady across the street, though, you’re helping her because she actually would have trouble crossing the street by herself, right? So you would be helping her out with something she can’t do very well, not making a show of politeness.</p>
<p>And I don’t want to be all freaky and make people bend to my every will like the queen of England anyway.</p>
<p>You don’t have to pay because you’re interested or want her to like you (I honestly don’t know anyone, myself included, whose that impressed if a guy/girl pays for dinner), but if you ask her out and take her to a place that could be considered expensive, then you should definitely pay. </p>
<p>If a guy asks me out and we go to a cafe or an inexpensive restaurant, then I’ll offer to pay, but would probably allow him to pay still; If I ask a guy out then I’ll pay for us both. Basically, you ask, you pay.</p>
<p>"Cook their meals and iron their clothes? That is part of what I have a problem with. "</p>
<p>College males do not expect a girl they are dating to do these types of things. You are blowing holding a door open completely out of proportion.</p>
<p>men take that role in order to gain respect and trust from that woman. its a sign of commitment, and it ought to be reciprocated. if cooking and ironing is how you express that commitment and willingness to share/sacrifice for the other, then so be it.</p>
<p>edit: also, second what comiclover said, you’re taking it out of the context of two people interacting and turning it into something much bigger, which it isnt.</p>
<p>“if cooking and ironing is how you express that commitment and willingness to share/sacrifice for the other, then so be it.”</p>
<p>It would be insanely hard to iron a guys clothes if you both live in separate dorms. lol.</p>
<p>@ collegebound91: You’re right - I would certainly have no problem with a guy paying for me if he asked me out to a really expensive restaurant or something. I’m talking about guys paying for girls as a matter of course, just because they’re girls. I would generally agree with the you-ask-you-pay thing.</p>
<p>@ comicover: Then what do college males, and males in general, expect women to do to reciprocate? Maybe they want the women to do those things later on.</p>
<p>honestly i’d rather them return the favor with sex, but i dont think thats what OP is fishing for :</p>
<p>Any of you fine ladies want to give me your phone number for some spam?</p>