Guys paying, opening doors, carrying stuff...?

Student Lounge College Life
101

<p>The immaturity on this thread… hahaha.</p>

<p>Listen ladies and fellas… a guy does not have to pay for jack s&@#! You don’t. At all. If money makes your girl wet… then yes, she is a gold-digging whore. And you know, some girls are like that - and you can’t blame them for doing what’s in their nature. But if you have a problem with that, you can’t change them so find a girl who doesn’t get horny over your money.</p>

<p>A lot of people are saying “you ask, you pay,” like some quick simple-minded sound byte a politician might say to gloss over some important details.</p>

<p>There are two problems with this-</p>

<p>For one, I personally ask girls out to do things all the time (for purposes of getting to know each other and flirting) yet I don’t say “Do you… uh… do you want to go on a <em>date</em> with me?” There is no official declaration whether doing this or that to hang out or going to the coffee shop is an official date. So who knows? What if I just want to go grab a bite with a girl I consider a friend? Hence, pay for your own food please.</p>

<p>Second, 95% of the time the guy is asking the girl out, making the move, not vice versa. There’s no need to go into why that is. So of course you girls will be saying, asker = pays. It’ BS and you know it.</p>

<p>A guy is cheap who doesn’t pay for you? Guess what - he is paying his way. You are not. YOU ARE THE CHEAP SKATE WHO WANTS A FREE LUNCH. And why do you deserve one? Because you have a magical vagina? Many girls believe this. They actually believe their vagina is magical and entitles them to all sorts of privledges. If the guy wants to pay, and you want him to, then super. Otherwise don’t expect a free meal unless he tells you.</p>

<p>Now, I understand that sometimes money can put people into awkward situations. Say, you want to go out to eat or do something with a guy, but you don’t want to spend money you don’t have or whatever. Well you can hint at that, I don’t know. But it’s like if a guy friend was asking a guy friend if he wants to get some pizza or go to a bar. That doesn’t mean guy A is footing the bill. Yes, money is a consideration. MAKE SOME - get some from your parents. Jesus. If you’re using guys for dinners out because you can’t pay for them yourself, you ARE a prostitute.</p>

<p>And what’s with these terribly insecure guys who need to hold doors open to feel like a man? Look, I hold doors open for guys and girls whenever I can - it’s not date ettiquette it’s just common decency. But the impression I’m getting from this thread is that it’s not simply holding the door for the person behind you but some idiot knocking people over to hold the door open for EVERYONE at EVERYTIME and racing around like a puppy dog opening the car door, carrying her over a puddle, pulling out her chair, helping her carry a pencil. Jesus— give it a rest! YOU ARE INSECURE. You constantly need to “prove” your “love” or “manhood” to this girl. And you know what’s the biggest irony of all? YOU ARE TAKING THE EFFIMINATE ROLE. You are acting the servant, the doting lover, the supplicator, the “is everything okay honey?” role. </p>

<p>I’ll know it’s you next time I go out to a restaurant because you’ll be the guy holding his girl’s purse with all her tampons in it like her lap dog.</p>

<p><em>I</em> however, will be the guy at the table whose girls are all paying the entire bill for ME because they love my company and enjoy spending time with me.</p>

<p>Look, when I pay for your meal you know it’s because I actually WANT TO and not becaue I HAVE TO. And if I just met you and hardly know you, it’s pretty rude to expect I’m comping everything for the evening - downright immature.</p>

<p>So please, ladies and gents, please tell me – if I’m doing great right now by not paying for the other party, then name one reason why I should start?</p>

102

<p>LOL you are couldn’t be more wrong. I expect a man to pay for me when he has the means. I am hardly a gold-digger. Yah, I married my man for money. Since you know, the Army pays soooooooo much.</p>

<p>If any of these women in this thread were “gold diggers” why would they be going to college? Wouldn’t they be out looking for some rich guy to take care of them instead?</p>

<p>Its not about the money. It’s about tradition. It’s about having a man that will take care of you and your children. Most women can’t work when they are 8 months pregnant. Are they gold-diggers for having their husband’s support them then?</p>

<p>I guess im a gold-digger because my husband “supports” me while im in school?</p>

<p>MOST women don’t go out to dinner with a man for a free meal. They go out with him because they are intrested. If a man doesn’t have the means and they wan’t to go to something nicer, then yes a woman should help pay the bill. But if a man says I can only afford subway would you like to go there…that is fine.</p>

103

<p>Couldn’t agree more with peter_parker</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Lets not get started on traditions. Traditionally, women never went to school and never had careers. So if you’re so concerned about traditions, what the hell are you doing here? Oh, right, that tradition doesn’t benefit you. Gold digger.</p>

104

<p>The Vagina is magical. Duh! Ha.</p>

105

<p>I think its sweet when a guy will do nice things for a girl like opening the door or paying for dinner. While my boyfriend pays for dinner or tickets for us to go to the movies I will buy dessert or the movie snacks so it kind of evens out both ways. In my last relationship my ex was way too dependant on me paying for everything and it would have been nice if he would have returned the favor every once in awhile.</p>

106

<p>I didn’t even read any of the responses. But all I know is (and this has been confirmed by a bunch of girls) is that</p>

<p>“Insert title of thread” make girls not just walk, but RUN away. It’s just creepy to them.</p>

<p>END OF DISCUSSION.</p>

107

<p>

</p>

<p>I just don’t understand why I would even need to be concerned with making my man feel like a man. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, and it has never crossed my mind that I should act a certain way in order for him to feel like a man. I just do what’s comfortable for me… and I’m pretty sure he feels like a man otherwise. I agree with BeKindRewind… if a guy doesn’t have money to pay for his date, or believes that she should split the bill, then he will find a woman (like the OP) who feels the same way. </p>

<p>srose, I don’t think you are a golddigger and I have no problem with your values, or your ideas on how you feel men should treat you. My guy also usually pays for dinner, opens my door, etc. I also don’t have a problem with how the OP feels men should treat women. I just think it is insensitive for people to call her opinions stupid or imply that she will not be able to find a man/be in a successful relationship with her attitude. Obviously, there are men here who have posted that they are refreshed/admire her attitude, and there are plenty of more men out there that would feel the same. Yes, a relationship that she is describing would not make YOU happy, but that’s why you don’t have to date/be like her. Everyone is different.</p>

108

<p>I don’t see any problem with guys paying, holding doors, etc. I think it is sweet and shows that a guy is really into a girl. I’m definitely able to do all of this, and I don’t expect it, but it’s something I actually appreciate. There’s nothing wrong with letting a guy do this stuff. Personally I enjoy the benefits that come with being a girl–getting free stuff, having people help you carry stuff, etc. and I don’t think that it is demeaning to feminism at all</p>

109

<p>1) I open doors for guys if I get there first. And hold open doors for strangers. A lot of guys I know who open doors for girls also do so for other guys when we’re all in a big group. </p>

<p>2) If I’m in a relationship, I’ll treat the other person sometimes. I’ll take him out for a picnic, buy him presents, etc. If I do those nice things for him, there’s no reason it should insult me when he does nice things for me. </p>

<p>3) I’m independent, but in favor of people being nice to each other. Today, I bought a male friend who wasn’t feeling well Tylenol. It wasn’t prostitution. The world would be a better place if everyone was nice to each other. </p>

<p>4) Thus, I think it’s sweet when guys are courteous. There are jerks who open doors and jerks who don’t, but as a whole, it’s a bad standard to judge by. Don’t assume someone else’s motivation.</p>

<p>That said… it’s probably just something that should be discussed by the two people. Associating with people who don’t respect your wishes, whatever they may be, will probably not make you all that happy.</p>

110

<p>Peter, you obviously do not understand the distinction between casual and formal dinning. Maybe the concept of dating is too abstract for you to realize that asking a girl out to dinner and asking a girl to hang out by going to dinner are completely different subjects. If you are casually getting to know a girl and ask her if she wants to go out for pizza, it is obviously a mutual understanding that you will both be pitching in half. If you ask that same girl if she would like to go out with you to dinner on a Saturday night and take her to an upscale restaurant, it’s understood that because you are inviting her, you are anticipating footing the bill.</p>

<p>I ask my friends after work if they want to go and get a bite to eat. It’s understood that we are going out casually and it is understood that we are all to pay our own share.</p>

<p>If a man asks me out on a date (meaning, more formal and more intimate) then yes, it is completely customary that he pays. If a guy asks me to hang out with him and we go out to eat then no, I don’t expect that he’ll flip the entire bill. Maybe you haven’t branched out in the world to know the difference between dating and hanging out.</p>

<p>Men have invited me to upscale restaurants in which case the bill turns out to be $500+. Do you think that it is fair of him to expect me to pay half even though he has chosen the restaurant? I’d absolutely never make my date pay for their share if I invited them to a restaurant of my pleasing and the bill was $500.</p>

<p>You honestly think that guys are the ones that consistently ask girls out? I’d say 95% of the time I’m asking to go out and I’m always the one to flip the entire bill.</p>

111

<p>^^^^ agreed completely with learn to fly^^^^ oh and as far as vehicles post, guys ask girls out on dates way more than girls ask guys, and going to a resteraunt where the bill is $500 for two people is downright stupid unless you are either a) on a 7 figure salary or b) have been dating someone for over a year or are married</p>

112

<p>

</p>

<p>Then I think it’s safe to assume that you’re fat/ugly and like to date up. </p>

<p>Not that there’s anything wrong with that…</p>

113

<p>"Then I think it’s safe to assume that you’re fat/ugly and like to date up. "</p>

<p>Ouch.</p>

114

<p>Haven’t read last 6,948 pages but…</p>

<p>I don’t understand the argument. Why can’t everyone just pay for themselves, unless it’s otherwise mentioned?</p>

115

<p>[YouTube</a> - boondocks- rileys Hoe theory](<a href=“http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrntGEVrICY]YouTube”>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrntGEVrICY)</p>

<p>'nuff said</p>

<p>edit:
“Then I think it’s safe to assume that you’re fat/ugly and like to date up.”</p>

<p>hmmm, that’s mean, tho i can’t say it’s not true. personally ive taken girls out and paid for their meals cuz i like them. if im forced there by someone who im not attracted to, im not covering her bill unless she cant do it herself. the only exception would be if she was a good friend.</p>

116

<p>

</p>

<p>Actually no, I wouldn’t have a problem at all. I would have a problem if the relationship became imbalance and she acted like she ran things because she makes more. I find it incredibly attractive when women are better than men at things, especially when girls are smarter than guys. </p>

<p>In terms of tradition though, I feel that it is okay for a woman to stay at home because it is not really her responsibility to ensure the financial future of her family, she can contribute sure (maybe even more than her husband) but a man should be working to support his family even if he makes peanuts to what his wife makes. A man with a family-heck ANY man-should have a job.</p>

117

<p>

</p>

<p>Ha, hardly. I will let my wife make most of the choices about our relationship. The only thing I really want to control is what we eat, because I am VERY picky. Other than that I could care less for the most part.</p>

<p>What I mean by tradition is the concept that a man should provide for his family. That IMO is what a man is, and what a man should do. It doesn’t mean women can not provide for thier family, but as a man I would feel terrible if my wife worked and I did not. But that is mostly a consequence of who I am as a person, I have always loved working and always felt terrible when I am not working-it makes me feel like a bum. So in my marriage even if my wife makes 1 mill or more a year, I would still want a job so that she knew that I was doing my best to provide for her-even if she didn’t need it.</p>

<p>I think all the girls who are offended by the nice things guys do are just overestimating what it means. Men want to feel as if they are needed, and want to help girls. I often times open doors and carry things for girls because I just believe men should help women and provide for them. For example I can not stand to be in a place sitting in a chair when a girl or woman is standing up, it just feels wrong. So I will give my chair to women, that doesn’t mean women are too weak to stand just that it would seem really wrong to me.</p>

118

<p>Vehicle: It’s not me who needs to branch out and experience new things; it’s you.</p>

<p>Of course I know the difference between a casual hangout with friends and some stifling formal “courting” dinner that you regularly drag your boyfriend to. And actually, believe it or not honey, sometimes you meet someone to get to know them and you don’t know if you’ll connect or not or if I’ll still be into the girl after hearing her open her mouth for a while.</p>

<p>I don’t know what your MO is when you’re single and dating (let me guess… sit there and wait for a guy to hit on you - sit there and wait for a guy to hit on you, check facebook - correct me if I’m wrong). I meet girls and just hang out and do whatever. In fact I prefer more casual settings usually, unless I feel like doing something more fun (read: expensive) for my own sake.</p>

<p>In fact the last thing I want to when getting to know a girl is go to some boring, stifling, expensive dinner at an upscale restaurant just to find out it’s not really going to work out. It’s too adversarial, too judgmental. What am I doing, interviewing for a job? But I guess that’s the only stereotypical “date” you know about. I’d rather be on the couch under some blankets with the girl where I can actually touch/ kiss her. Imagine that concept.</p>

<p>Anyway, didn’t you say you were in a relationship two posts ago? When is the last time you actually went on a date or were dating? And I know, a lot of people in relationships like to say they are going on a “date” with their boyfriend/ girlfriend, but that’s not what we’re talking about here, are we?</p>

<p>I think YOU need to step away from the dinner-and-a-movie snorefest and branch out a little. PM me if you need ideas.</p>

<p>EDIT: I just reread your last sentence.</p>

<p>You’re telling me that you have actually asked a guy you haven’t been in bed with (or even kissed) to an upscale restaurant and told him you were paying for it before the bill came? I guess there’s no way of proving if that’s true or not, but I laugh at that. That would be astounding if true.</p>

119

<p>I have a habit of opening doors (For everyone, not just women but everyone following me) simply because it is polite and a deeply ingrained habit of mine. I’ll usually offer to pay for a meal if I’m the one who instigated a invitation and I’ll help someone carry something if they’re struggling with it. I also cannot stand to sit down in a room if there are women, children, or the elderly who do not have a seat (I’m a relatively healthy young man, I can stand for a while). The point of stuff like that is to be a basic gentleman, not to impress women. They’re important traditions to men, they don’t mean anything in the same way that a neck tie doesn’t mean anything, it’s just something our fathers did as men and so we do too.</p>

120

<p>“Your ‘I can do everything for myself’ attitude ruins it for the rest of us, and makes men feel insignificant.”</p>

<p>There are lots of better ways to feel important… that is, if it’s so essential to you to feel important. I’m not against people doing nice things- one of my friends treats his girlfriend like she walks on water, but he’s also the person who takes everyone’s trash when the group goes out to eat and holds doors for strangers. He’s just a nice person. I see a lot of guys open doors, etc. though because they feel like it’s their “job as a man”… and that’s just patronizing. In a way, the mindset that guys have to treat women degrades men too because it implies their worth depends on a set of rituals.</p>