<p>^ I might change that to: we don’t believe they can lie to us and that we won’t see it. We can’t assume either way. It takes a lot of work, over time, to get to a stage where we can second guess them. And, that’s not foolproof. </p>
<p>I think one key is to be in frequent contact with their friends, get to kow them, have them at your house, so you can discreetly observe interactions, language, topics, attitude, etc. Then try to use gut and critical thinking. I just know so many kids who do lie and so many parents who assume they don’t- and are so proud of that. </p>
<p>That’s not to say all kids are liars. Not at all. It’s to suggest that “knowing” when little Sally broke a rule, took something, hit someone or didn’t have all her homework done…is quite different than figuring out what teen Sally really did on Friday night. Good or not so good.</p>
<p>Now I’m really confused. Of course people “lie”; both kids and adults. And more mislead, both themselves and others. It just struck me as surreal when young people came on the thread to say young people lie…trust me!</p>
<p>FWIW, my kids are adults now, and among the best adults I know.</p>
<p>“we should trust strangers on a message board for “the truth”, over our “instincts”. Why? I’m assuming a parents instincts are hopefully a result of decades or more of an interactive relationship.”</p>
<p>Of course, there is no one truth that applies to every family. There are plenty of square kids and even some wild party kids whose parents know exactly what’s going on. You might well be among them. But I don’t think it is so crazy to suppose that an uninvolved third party might have insights that family members can’t see. All that intimacy and adoration and years of investment provide powerful motivation to edit what we perceive. Does any murderer’s mom fail to believe that her son is a good boy? Sometimes a passerby with no skin in the game can instantly see the truth that we hide from ourselves.</p>
<p>I don’t disagree with that, and of course I may just be protecting my turf, but wouldn’t it be time to consult with someone in person? Someone who can get at more of the story than an adoring parent might divulge here?</p>