Had to go to my last choice college at the last minute, still can't stop thinking of my first choice

College Confidential Community
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Hi, all. This is my first post on College Confidential.

First, a bit of background info. I’ve lived in the same small town my whole life and spent my school years with the same people, from pre-k to the end of high school; we were a class of a little over 100 and the high school had a total of about 400 students. I’m used to knowing everyone and at least being friendly with them. Since I like the smaller community, I looked for and applied to small colleges. I ended up applying to a school in Pennsylvania, one that I fell in love with. The campus was beautiful, it was small, had a nice vibe, and had what I was looking for academically. I was accepted with a good scholarship and was even able to earn more scholarship money after going to an event on campus.

The cost of going to college always loomed over my parents’ heads, and it loomed over mine, too. It was the cost of living on campus that really put it over the edge for any college I was applying to. Because of this, my parents had me apply to a big state school that’s in the next town over from mine. It’s where most of the people who go to my high school end up. I fought it for as long as I could, as it’s a big school and I knew I would be commuting if I went.

I had committed to the Pennsylvania school, and was excited yet nervous to leave. By I think July I had my roommate, “what to bring” list, and my schedule. However, after looking at the loans we would have to take out and having my dad explain it all, I started to feel guilty about it. After a few weeks of debate, I decided to withdraw from that school and, to save money, commute to the big university. I remember having to tell my roommate that I wasn’t going to the school, after we had been talking and decided on who was bringing what to the dorm. I felt so bad.

Now I miss the first school so much. From the first time I visited I felt like that’s where I belonged, and I still think that’s where I should be. I feel alone at such a big school, and commuting doesn’t help. I’ve tried getting involved in something I did in high school, theatre, but I’ve been rejected from both being in a performance and working behind the scenes. I try to go to club events as much as I can, but they’re either during a class or so late I don’t feel like going. I feel like I would have adjusted so much better to the first school and that it would have been so much easier to be involved since I would be living on a small campus. I don’t know what to do, I really just feel like giving up on the social aspect of college and devoting myself to studying and a job. I’m frustrated and I feel like I keep trying but nothing comes from any of my efforts. I try to make the most of this crappy situation and I try to get over the first school, but it was my dream school, and I had to give it up. I feel like when I try to get involved in an effort to be happier, I just end up with more disappointment, so I just think I’ll be better off if I don’t even think of making friends. I don’t know what to do. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

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Regret much? Yeah I feel you actually, though for me it was backwards. I applied go many colleges and got accepted to all six. All of em gave me scholarships but one of em gave me a full ride. I literally had only applied to that school because my college coach (who I still trust a lot by the way) recommended me to it and the school to me. Its a small private school (40k+ per year) and most people live on campus too. Where I really wanted to go was the big state school where a bunch of my bestest friends were going and they had a top notch program in what I wanted to major in. However the small school is specialized in tech and architecture degrees and because they offered to pay absolutely everything I HAD to go there. I didn’t even have to discuss it with my parents to know what to do once they knew it was like alright you’re going there! :frowning: I liked the other school’s vibe too and the variety of people, and I waited until the very last day allowed to submit my decision to receive an award letter from them, but it never came. Actually a few days ago I found out that I never sent them my FAFSA (accidentally put down u of c instead of UIC).

I didn’t like my school much, because it seemed to be boring and flat, but I guess I’m starting to adjust a bit because I like my classes a lot and still keep in touch with my friends. However in your case I would finish my first two years where you are at (which are pretty basic anywhere anyway) and then transfer to the other school. You would still have to take out loans probably, but it would much much less than a loan for all four years. In the meanwhile, find stuff outside of school maybe? Since it’s a small town that might be harder, but at least you’ll have a plan in place that you can look forward too. (I’d also mention to my parents that I am unhappy, but that’s just me). Good luck and make the best of it while you are there! :slight_smile:

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Thanks for your response, I’m glad someone can relate! I actually also like my classes and I still hang out with some of my good high school friends.

I’m basically debating between what you said, finishing two years and then transferring, or graduating where I am now and then going somewhere for grad school. I hate feeling like I’m still looking for a college :neutral_face:

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I’m thinking that you just started in August or September, and so have been there for one semester and a little of a second. It’s normal to feel, for a little while, really sad about missing out on the first choice and choosing the second one. It’s normal to mourn having to make that choice.

But the other thing is that at this point, you’re constantly comparing the big university you are at to the small college you wanted to attend. That constant comparison is going to come up short because of your desires. I know that this is easier said than done, but you need to put the “what-ifs” out of your mind and concentrate on trying to find your niche at the new school. You feel like you might have adjusted better primarily because you really wanted to go there, and we tend to think very positively on the should-have-beens. But the reality is, you have no idea. You might have showed up at the small campus and felt isolated, put off by the small amount of students, found a lack of activities that you wanted to get involved in. You might’ve been homesick and not adjusted well at all.

So try this exercise - every time you feel yourself thinking “If I had gone to X College, I would…” stop yourself and change your mental subject. Commuter students do need to put a little more effort into making friends and going to things, so for the very late club events - perhaps force yourself to go even if you don’t “feel like it” because it’s later in the evening. Often you’ll surprise yourself at how much you enjoy it. Try again for theater - big universities usually have more than one theater group, so find another one and try that. If most of the people from your high school go to the big university, then perhaps you have some friends or acquaintances from high school there; why not see what they’re up to? That doesn’t mean that you only have to hang out with people from your high school, but it could be a starting point to making a new circle of friends.

One last thing - if you think about transferring to another college, that’s fine - that might be the best option for you. But don’t think about going to grad school as a replacement for your lost desired undergrad experience. Grad school is VERY different from undergrad, and you don’t really seek it as a way to have a good time or go somewhere you really wanted to go for undergrad.

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Thanks for the advice, juillet, it makes a lot of sense. I’m planning on trying again for two theater groups, and I’m gonna make sure I go. The spring semester just started on Jan. 20th and one of my resolutions is to try and get to events I’m interested in, even if they are later. And your point about grad school is very true. Thanks again!